Teacher scared my son

Poppy9

I wonder if Bigdaddy has been arrested for punching the teacher :D

milliebear00001

Welshwoofs wrote: »

I honestly think that people are losing their backbone. What's the big deal about being shouted at by a teacher? IF it was 'shouting' of course. I was at school in the 80s and if all we got was shouted at I'd have considered school a walk-over.....annoy a teacher back then and you'd generally get a board rubber sailing past your ear, made to crouch in a corner in a 'stress position' with your hands on your head or get escorted out to the corridor by your ear. Sometimes the teacher had got the right culprit and sometimes they got the wrong one....which isn't unreasonable considering they had 30 kids all intent on whispering and passing notes the moment the teacher turned to the blackboard.

The thing is; if parents leap to defend their children every time so much as a raised voice is directed their child's way (deserved or not) then what will happen is that those children will enter the adult world as emotional jellies, unable to cope with the realities of life once Mummy and Daddy aren't around to protect them.

I think this is very fair. I am a teacher, and am not perfect! It is quite possible that the teacher made a mistake (or that they didn't and there is a valid reason for the shouting at). We cannot be expected to 'get t right' every time. I on't even get it right all the time with my own children and there's only two of them!

When I was a child, I'd have felt aggrieved at being shouted at for something I didn't do, but would have chalked it up to 'life' and got over it quickly. My parents would have been totally of the opinion that if I'd been shouted at, I probably deserved it, and if I didn't, then there would be plenty o times when I 'got away with' poor behaviour as well.

meritaten

milliebear00001 wrote: »

I think this is very fair. I am a teacher, and am not perfect! It is quite possible that the teacher made a mistake (or that they didn't and there is a valid reason for the shouting at). We cannot be expected to 'get t right' every time. I on't even get it right all the time with my own children and there's only two of them!

When I was a child, I'd have felt aggrieved at being shouted at for something I didn't do, but would have chalked it up to 'life' and got over it quickly. My parents would have been totally of the opinion that if I'd been shouted at, I probably deserved it, and if I didn't, then there would be plenty o times when I 'got away with' poor behaviour as well.

Yes, but that is how YOU would have felt!
I was one of those 'good' kids who was afraid to put a foot wrong - and if a teacher had singled me out and shouted at me - I would have been scared witless! cos I knew if it got back to mam I would have been slapped.
Oh, and I dont think kids chalk events up to 'life' - children take things very personally and a child who would shrug off an undeserved 'shouting at' would be very rare. Kids have a very defined sense of right and wrong - and 'fair play'!
Its not just me who says this - try reading the well respected Melanie Klien or Margaret Mead - They will both say that children have a well refined sense of justice. Perhaps more so than adults!

milliebear00001

meritaten wrote: »

Yes, but that is how YOU would have felt!
I was one of those 'good' kids who was afraid to put a foot wrong - and if a teacher had singled me out and shouted at me - I would have been scared witless! cos I knew if it got back to mam I would have been slapped.
Oh, and I dont think kids chalk events up to 'life' - children take things very personally and a child who would shrug off an undeserved 'shouting at' would be very rare. Kids have a very defined sense of right and wrong - and 'fair play'!
Its not just me who says this - try reading the well respected Melanie Klien or Margaret Mead - They will both say that children have a well refined sense of justice. Perhaps more so than adults!

Kids (in my rather varied experience) are MUCH less likely to take offense for long at a perceived slight, than their adult parents. They invariably start wary of us, fearful of some of us, have run ins with most of us, but usually end up on good terms with most of us by the end of the year - much like our own children probably do with us in fact. Given half a chance, and credit for half a brain cell, most children will come to see that although school (and life) are not fair, it pretty much evens out in the end. Parents can help this understanding by not constantly taking their child's part and being even-handed. W do children a disservice when we assume that, just because they are young, they cannot see this.

pollypenny

This case reminds me of something years ago;

Second week in Form 1 class, as it was then in comprehensive. Boy chewing.

I said"Empty your mouth, please, John. You know chewing in class is not allowed."
He came to the front, bent down - but instead of spitting out, he kicked the bin to make the sound.

I, needless to say, raised my voice and told him off.

Next day, mummy is in to the head. Poor little boy is afraid to come to school.

Not afraid to try to outwit a teacher in his early days, when most kids are a bit in awe of 'big school'.

Teaching is like a game of chess - kids try it on, teachers have to make their move.

Poppy9

meritaten wrote: »

Yes, but that is how YOU would have felt!
I was one of those 'good' kids who was afraid to put a foot wrong - and if a teacher had singled me out and shouted at me - I would have been scared witless! cos I knew if it got back to mam I would have been slapped.
Oh, and I dont think kids chalk events up to 'life' - children take things very personally and a child who would shrug off an undeserved 'shouting at' would be very rare. Kids have a very defined sense of right and wrong - and 'fair play'!
Its not just me who says this - try reading the well respected Melanie Klien or Margaret Mead - They will both say that children have a well refined sense of justice. Perhaps more so than adults!

I think you are right in that children never forget an injustice done to them from their school days. I don't think it scars people though, they just try to learn from it and treat people in a way they would like to be treated.

I do think one of the reasons that parents are more likely to "fight" thier child's corner is because they remember the way they were treated in school but I think the majority of parents also remember that they lied to get out of trouble so do not go in guns blazing and ignore the trivial issues.

I can still remember complaining to my mother about a teacher who constantly told me off for talking and my mother would say "you probably were", but I wasn't, it was the Headmasters daughter talking and she found it funny how the teacher would blame everyone but her. As my mother never did anything, I decided I would (as you do when you are 9 years old!!) I sat with my back to the teacher and she used to say "Poppy stop talking I can see your bobbles moving" as I wore my hair in a pony tail each day. One day I took my hair bobble out (without my mother knowing as she insisted on tied back hair for school and I was scared of my mum:o) and when the teacher said her bit about my bobbles moving there was an awkward silence in the class as I said "Miss I am not wearing any bobbles". I can still see the look on her face now:rotfl::rotfl:

I also remember my DD telling me about one of her teachers telling a pupil in his class (they were Y9 at time) "you are p!ssing me off" and the pupil replying "I'm telling my mother as you are not allowed to swear at me". I can't remember what DD said the boy had been doing, but it was something irritating like playing with the door which was ajar which he had been told to stop a couple of times. I laughed and said I would have probably told him the same thing. Not ideal a teacher using that language but sometimes they are the only words to describe how you feel!!

euronorris

meritaten wrote: »

Yes, but that is how YOU would have felt!
I was one of those 'good' kids who was afraid to put a foot wrong - and if a teacher had singled me out and shouted at me - I would have been scared witless! cos I knew if it got back to mam I would have been slapped.
Oh, and I dont think kids chalk events up to 'life' - children take things very personally and a child who would shrug off an undeserved 'shouting at' would be very rare. Kids have a very defined sense of right and wrong - and 'fair play'!
Its not just me who says this - try reading the well respected Melanie Klien or Margaret Mead - They will both say that children have a well refined sense of justice. Perhaps more so than adults!

I don't think that's true. I think it depends on what they are being told off for, how tired they are etc.

For example, all of my neices and nephews will simply reply 'Fine, whatever, I didn't do it.' and go and get on with whatever punishment was dealt out if told off for something they didn't do (usually one of their siblings did it instead!) on MOST occasions.

However, if they are already very tired, you will get a completely different reaction. Full blown tantrums, sometimes. Whether the telling off was deserved or not.

I've had one of my neices and one of my nephews lie to my face this weekend about brushing their teeth. They are usually well behaved, and don't usually need to be reminded to brush their teeth. BUT, they are kids, and sometimes kids just play up so you can't take everything they say at face value.

That same nephew, who gets very grumpy when tired (and was tired on Saturday afternoon), picked up one of his sisters pens and started to use it without even asking their permission. 20 mins later when said sister couldn't find her pen and asked if she could use one of his, he started to kick up a fuss. He was told that he needed to share, and as he had taken his sister's pen without asking, he should be doing so happily or giving her her own pen back. Cue tears and him insisting that he didn't have her pen and had never touched it. He did, I saw him pick it up and use it. He was just tired, didn't get his own way, so cue the lies and then the tears when the lies don't work.

So, is there a possibility that the OP's child is telling the truth? Absolutely! Equally, is there a chance that he is lying or exaggerating? Absolutely. More information is needed to clarify that one.

Anyway, I think the OP is a troll.

georgiesmum

WOW, i haven't heard of a child being frightened of a teacher for years,or a policeman, or mum or dad.
No doubt he will grow out of it. Naughty teacher, get her the sack. She deserves it

make_me_wise

When this kid has an asbo in a few years time it will all be down to some soft teachers who didn't discipline him right. No blame on the parent, not much.

nickj_2

Nicki wrote: »

Haven't read everything, but just wanted to say that I was shouted at unfairly as a child by a teacher and my dad went in and complained. For the remainder of my time at school I was terrified of that teacher, and he went out of his way to pull me up for every minor transgression. By contrast, I had tellings off from other teachers without dad's intervention and moved on quickly and easily from them. Fighting your child's corner in these circumstances isn't always the best thing to do.

it's called life , life isn't alway fair , sometime you have to take the rap ..... and move on and forget about it
that is what i'd be telling my kids ,