Would you sell DD's old toys on ebay for new ones for Christmas?

Teenie_D

mumofjusttwo wrote: »

If you plan on spending the same aount on her as you normally would I do not see a problem
If that is the case she just wants you to buy things with her money so that they will be a surprise for her when she gets them.

If you are not spending the amount you would have spent anyway then I feel this is a little unfair on your daughter.

I agree and I read it (eventually) the same way as bestpud described although the OP has made things sound a bit complicated!

*max*

This is one of the most confusing threads I have ever read! lol

I *think* the OP means it as Bestpud explained. It's the "list" thing that threw everyone. The "list" is (I think) of EXTRA items the daughter would have bought herself/have OP bought for her with the proceeds from the ebay sales. So OP went ahead and bought some items from that list, but her daughter then decided she wanted to keep the money instead.

With the extra items already bought, the OP now doesn't have enough money for the main presents she would have normally bought.

Solution: either cancel/send back the extra items ordered and let daughter buy them herself with the money she now has OR the daughter can buy the original presents OP was going to get.

If not, then she is having the best of both worlds: extra presents AND money, which isn't fair on OP.

Phew!!!

*max*

This Christmas business isn't for the faint-hearted, is it!

onlyroz

Well I'm not sure I understand exactly what's gone on here either but...

IN GENERAL I don't think it's right to sell your child's toys and use the proceeds to buy Christmas presents. I think that it's OK to go through the toys of a younger child and pass them on to a baby sibling, or give them to a charity shop (as I have done) but once the child becomes aware of the monetary value of things, and becomes aware of ownership, then this should stop.

For example, I have recently gone through my son's stuff (he's 6) and I've passed on his Duplo, etc, to his younger sister (with his permission). But if I were to put one of his Nintendo games on eBay, then the money from that would go into his money box. I think it would be wrong of me to sell his old games and think "whoopee now I can get his Christmas presents without actually spending any money".

If, however, my son said that I could spend his money to buy him a surprise, then I think that would be OK - but I'm not entirely sure that this is what the OP has done.

I also think it's a bit weird to give your child £30 and tell them to buy you a Christmas present with it. When I was a teen I bought my family presents out of my pocket money and certainly wasn't given any extra for this.

74jax

bestpud wrote: »

Sooo, OP has a Christmas list for dd (a pretty generous one as it includes a PS and the OP is on half pay!!!) Yes, but I've just gone to half pay, ever the :money: DD does have most of her presents already bought for her (from me not her ebay sales, just to make it clear :rotfl:) I have only just agreed to the PS (DD doesn't know this) as she has a wii and I'm not convinced she needs both (I know some would disagree)

DD comes along and says she ALSO wants x, y and z presents.

OP says money is tight so she can add these items, BUT dd will need to let her sell some old stuff to pay for them. (As they are EXTRA to the original Christmas list!) Yes they are extra to the original list, I have that many lists even Santa would be confused.

She gives DD the option of taking the money and getting the items herself, but DD decides she wants OP to take the money and buy them because she wants them to be a surprise. but not everything on the list, so she doesn't know what off the list she gets. Yes, DD did have the option of taking the money, she decided to take the money for only some of the items.

OP puts items on eBay and DH starts seeing pound signs. most definately, I know people on here are saying she's 13, as though she's a grown up, but i genuinely didn't think she realised how it would add up

DH butts in (wrong if it happened in front of DD tbh) and now DD gets to keep all the money from the sales. It was more me and DD were discussing how she then wanted the money, (me - knowing I'd ordered some off the list but she didn't want to know what they were, couldn't tell her) suggested she take half and leave half for the list

BUT, OP has already ordered two items from the EXTRA list and now doesn't have the money that DD AGREED was to go towards these items! yes, however I'm not trying to make out i'm on the bread line 'exactly' come January after 2 months on half pay I might be on a different thread entirely, but I had planned on getting other things with money which now I will use to get the things i'd originally ordered.

Sorry, but why is the OP in the wrong??

The DD made an agreement and then went back on it. The money for the two ordered items should have been taken from the proceeds. DD is in the wrong. I think she's just 13, and seeing pound signs.

The OP would only have been in the wrong if she'd sold the items for £150 but bought goods for less than that. In that case, DD should have taken any extra and all would have been absolutely fine IMO.

Return the items, OP, and feel no guilt for doing so! I know, but i chose these 2 as i know she'd love them, i will keep them - as long as she doesn't choose them herself,

Better still, tell DD you have already ordered the items but they will have to go back unless she pays you for them AS WAS AGREED! that is an option, but then i'm telling her what they are and she gave me the list so she wouldn't know

I know it's been made more complicated than it is. And I know that's down to me.

I had huge moral dilemmas over selling two coats of hers that she no longer wears and using the money to buy a new coat for her (read about that as an MSE on here somewhere) but she got the money for the coats in the end.

Thanks you all and at least you had something to read over the breakfast table.

74jax

fawd1 wrote: »

I'm not entirely sure I understand, but I think that you were planning to use the profits from her old stuff to buy her Christmas presents, is that right? If so, then give the money to her, it's her profit, and she should do what she wants with it. I agree, it was just 'what she wanted' was to give me a list and her not to know what she was getting.Otherwise I suggest you feel as comfortable giving her your credit card to spend a couple of hundred quidNot a couple hundred, I think I posted on here, although it was late so I'm guessing I didn't, but normally I give her £30 to buy me a present, I think that is absolutely fine, I don't require hundreds spent on me, I think Christmas is for my DD, I understand people see that differently though on so she can buy your Christmas present. Doesn't really count as you buying her a gift if she's paid for it does it?

I'm guessing it doesn't, but I didn't see anything wrong it. I'm sorry I differ with you, but she now has the money and will decide off the list herself what to buy, I genuinely think she just wanted the surprise of not know what they were.

74jax

onlyroz wrote: »

I also think it's a bit weird to give your child £30 and tell them to buy you a Christmas present with it. When I was a teen I bought my family presents out of my pocket money and certainly wasn't given any extra for this.

This is just something I have always done.

Her Dad and I don't live together and she likes to use her pocket money to buy him a present and her brother and sister (with help from the bank of mum).

I really don't mind at all, I do tell her it doesn't matter, to spend the money on herself, but she seems to like giving presents. She has already got her friends and sisters for Christmas and they are all wrapped up. I just don't like seeing her go short because she wants to get me something.

I may be soft, but I think if I can give her the money, then why not.

gingin_2

onlyroz wrote: »

I also think it's a bit weird to give your child £30 and tell them to buy you a Christmas present with it. When I was a teen I bought my family presents out of my pocket money and certainly wasn't given any extra for this.

I agree with this and other comments. I think this puts unfair pressure on your daughter to feel that she will have to stump up at least £60 on Mum and Dad's presents when she does have to pay out of her own money, as well as not really teaching her the gift of giving.

you seem to be placing so much pressure on the value of things, rather than just going with the flow andenjoing yourselves with what you do have.

If you are really struggling,do you have a tesco clubcard? I've spent a grand total of £6 on DS, usng double up vouchers to make up the difference. Every little definitely helps in this case

CountingPennies

Wow... I must be a terrible mother. I sell my kids clothes to buy new ones once they have outgrown them. Someone call social services :cool:

74jax

gingin wrote: »

I agree with this and other comments. I think this puts unfair pressure on your daughter to feel that she will have to stump up at least £60 on Mum and Dad's presents when she does have to pay out of her own money, as well as not really teaching her the gift of giving. I don't put any pressure on her. She asked for my list which was 'for DD to be happy' and she rolled her eyes. I do give her pocket money and I don't like seeing her trying to figure out 'right i'll spend this on mam, this on dad and this on brother and sister' so I just give her extra. I know it's probably a rod for my own back, but I would rather her pocket money was for her, and if I can give her extra I don't see why not.

you seem to be placing so much pressure on the value of things, rather than just going with the flow andenjoing yourselves with what you do have.

If you are really struggling,do you have a tesco clubcard? I've spent a grand total of £6 on DS, usng double up vouchers to make up the difference. Every little definitely helps in this case

Sorry I am not struggling, just what I had planned on buying with x amount of money, will now be shifted to buying for something else. So the original idea will be shelved.