Fustrated step mum - had enough of it all!

Mojisola

clearingout wrote: »

there was a comment somewhere about the children needing to be cared for by a 'parent'. From that I saw it as the OP wouldn't have the children on her own - reasons are unclear so I wouldn't guess at them.

There have been posts on here recently from a PWC upset because the children were going to the father's house but were being looked after by his new partner. When emotions are high between the adults, it can be very difficult to do the "right" thing.

Tish_P

My personal experience is that I have no children and am not planning any. If you're going to criticise me for making assumptions you could try a bit harder not to do it yourself.

Tish_P

"and I'm sure most of us, would love to be able to have work hours that suit everything, but alas, that doesn't happen. I myself work night shift so I don't have to rely on anyone else for childcare,"

EXACTLY, you do something that is not optimum for you because you have childcare responsibilities. I'm only asking that this chap do the same.

Mojisola

Tish_P wrote: »

"and I'm sure most of us, would love to be able to have work hours that suit everything, but alas, that doesn't happen. I myself work night shift so I don't have to rely on anyone else for childcare,"

EXACTLY, you do something that is not optimum for you because you have childcare responsibilities. I'm only asking that this chap do the same.

Doesn't that apply to their mother as well as their father? It's not a constantly changing situation - the shifts are known for months in advance.

She wants to change something that's been working because it doesn't suit her new BF. Shouldn't she be putting her children's best interests in front of her BF's wants?

Tish_P

The original post says nothing about the boyfriend being the reason for the change, but yes of course it should apply to them both - they should both make compromises. Under the current arrangement he dictates and she complies which is unfair. It is reasonable for her to ask for this situation to change.

Mojisola

cord123 wrote: »

She now has a boyfriend (who by the way wants nothing to do with the girls!) She has told us that she wants a regular arrangement or will go to a solictor.

Tish_P wrote: »

The original post says nothing about the boyfriend being the reason for the change, but yes of course it should apply to them both - they should both make compromises. Under the current arrangement he dictates and she complies which is unfair. It is reasonable for her to ask for this situation to change.

Maybe I've jumped to a wrong conclusion but I read this as being cause and effect.

Buttonmoons

Tish_P wrote: »

"and I'm sure most of us, would love to be able to have work hours that suit everything, but alas, that doesn't happen. I myself work night shift so I don't have to rely on anyone else for childcare,"

EXACTLY, you do something that is not optimum for you because you have childcare responsibilities. I'm only asking that this chap do the same.

Yes but, I was *able* to do that, I wouldn't be able too if I didn't work from home, I certainly wouldn't tell my ex that he better go find a different job and give up his very well paid one, to suit my weekend binge drinking and new boyfriend.

clearingout

Buttonmoons wrote: »

Yes but, I was *able* to do that, I wouldn't be able too if I didn't work from home, I certainly wouldn't tell my ex that he better go find a different job and give up his very well paid one, to suit my weekend binge drinking and new boyfriend.

that's an assumption...the OP has not said anything at all (as far as I remember) about wanting changes for 'binge drinking' and the 'new boyfriend'. She has made a comment that the new boyfriend doesn't want the children around but she hasn't said why she has come to that conclusion. I mean, honestly, how could she know? The children may well not like him, or feel pushed out because mum has her attention partly elsewhere, but that doesn't follow necessarily that mum only wants these changes because she wants to go out more.

I note that dad has moved on, got himself a new wife and has childcare on tap for when it suits him. When mum chooses to move on, it's somehow binge drinking and a boyfriend who isn't interested in the children?! dad's allowed a life and a new family but mum isn't?

Buttonmoons

Op said in an earlier post, that ex wasn't happy as she wanted to go out that night, perhaps it's not binge drinking, I am indeed making an assumption, and OP has said the new boyfriend does not like the children.

A mother that has her children 2 days a week (as they go to Grandmothers house or something) smokes around her asthmatic children, doesn't comb their hair, has them walking around like tinks, crawling in lice, bad dental hygiene and an eye condition - and does nothing about it, isn't fit to be called a mother in my eyes.

Everyone is entitled to move on and live their lives how they want, but not if its detrimental on the childrens wellbeing!

clearingout

Buttonmoons wrote: »

Op said in an earlier post, that ex wasn't happy as she wanted to go out that night, perhaps it's not binge drinking, I am indeed making an assumption, and OP has said the new boyfriend does not like the children.

A mother that has her children 2 days a week (as they go to Grandmothers house or something) smokes around her asthmatic children, doesn't comb their hair, has them walking around like tinks, crawling in lice, bad dental hygiene and an eye condition - and does nothing about it, isn't fit to be called a mother in my eyes.

Everyone is entitled to move on and live their lives how they want, but not if its detrimental on the childrens wellbeing!

and equally, the OP has said that the children have been with her and her husband for almost half the month. So why haven't they tackled the head lice? are they not cleaning teeth? are they not feeding decent food? the smoking around the children could be something as simple as her having entered the children's bedroom once with a cigarette (not good, I agree) which has stuck in their minds and was presented to dad in such a way that it feels like every day...earlier in the thread I quoted my eldest telling me the youngest needing a nappy change and then 3 minutes later telling me it was 'hours' since he'd told me about it. If he told my ex that, he'd be up in arms - and he'd be right to be - but it's a simple misrepresentation of the situation. 'Mum smokes in our bedroom' is a simple enough statement to make but could cover 1001 scenarios, many of which would be fairly innocuous.

Is dad actually talking to mum about his concerns or is he just 'ganging up' with his new wife, making a lot of assumptions (which may or may not be right) and deciding mum is a 'bad' person and now there's nothing at all to be done to persuade otherwise.

How can the OP know, categorically without any room for any doubt at all, that the new boyfriend doesn't like the children?