Fustrated step mum - had enough of it all!

euronorris

cord123 wrote: »

hahaha! Ever get the feeling you are repeating yourself! :rotfl::rotfl:

:rotfl:Yep. But I do that day in, day out, with my job so I should be used to it by now. :rotfl:

Bubby

cord123 wrote: »

Plus it isnt as simple as that anyway.... his shifts are often changed due to ops so for NYE he may need to work even if it isnt his shift, same with halloween, fireworks night, the olympics etc... as I said his rest days this week were cancelled due to him needing to appear in court.

She knew the job when she had children with him.

I think that giving her a few months notice of weekend dates is fine. In terms of the shifts where he is due to be off and he has them but then gets called in then I do think they should either stay with you or he arranges alternative childcare because these dates were pre agreed.
I agree that smoking in a room with your children is disgusting!

If the eldest is having issues with bullying due to hygiene could you get her some nice smellies and encourage her to want to use them herself so that when she is at home with her mum she could keep this up? If kids enjoy something and see how it will make them more popular they will often continue it.

I cannot understand how they are allowed into school with nits?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

I've not said that it should be a set day - I said it should be REGULAR - if a day can't be picked because of shifts then it should be arranged in advance and those pre arranged dates SHOULD NOT be changed regardless if he gets called into work - it is his scheduled time with the kids and if he can't have them then its up to him to arrange childcare, not his ex.

For the record, you can't be a card holder in the UK unless your name is on the account - so he is equally responsible for the debts and if they are still outstanding he should look into it. I had my name on exs account, he got in debt we broke up, they wouldn't remove my name even though ex was willing to sign to say he would be liable.

RLH33

oh Cord, honestly I would give up this thread as people just don't understand or want to understand what you are saying, you are going round in circles explaining stuff.

I think you are being totally reasonable in giving 2 months notice of how contact will be arranged for that period. I also don't see the point in the children coming to you one night if things, months in advance, could have been rejigged so that they come the following night and then their dad be there to see them as well. Whilst in an ideal world it would be lovely for them to have set days/times all through the year but back in the real world life isn't like that.

As long as the kids know what night that week, and the next, they will be seeing their dad then I really don't see the problem with it changing from a friday to a saturday etc from month to month. If it was changed the day before you were due to pick them up then I can understand but from your comments it wouldn't be like that.

I think a judge would see your oh as a hard working dad who is trying to do the best for his kids and see them as much as possible, who could criticise him for that? The same can't be said for their mother who, from what you have said, is not doing her very best!

peachyprice

princessdreamer wrote: »

The whole thing is strange the OP seems to both want the children full time and not want them when her husband is working.

No,it doesn't seem like that at all, the children's dad wants to see them too, they're his children. He's having access but not getting to spend that time with his children because his ex can't work around his well established work schedule, how is that strange?

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

It's not that people don't "get" what the OP is saying. It's that by chopping and changing dates when the schedule is pre-arranged the OP's OH is not only relying on the ex to change plans etc but also giving the ex ammo to throw at him in court. The ex will argue that he keeps changing pre-arranged access causing disruption to the kids - the ex in all rights could refuse to change the days and then the OP's OH wouldn't see the kids and the ex can say its his fault for breaking the agreement. If it was once in a blue moon in extreme circumstances maybe - but if it starts becoming habit then its an issue. The ex should not have to arrange her life around the OP's OH's work if it keeps changing - and vice versa. The fact had the same job when they was together is irrelevant - she put up with it because they was together, she no longer has to.

Marisco

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel wrote: »

It's not that people don't "get" what the OP is saying. It's that by chopping and changing dates when the schedule is pre-arranged the OP's OH is not only relying on the ex to change plans etc but also giving the ex ammo to throw at him in court. The ex will argue that he keeps changing pre-arranged access causing disruption to the kids - the ex in all rights could refuse to change the days and then the OP's OH wouldn't see the kids and the ex can say its his fault for breaking the agreement. If it was once in a blue moon in extreme circumstances maybe - but if it starts becoming habit then its an issue. The ex should not have to arrange her life around the OP's OH's work if it keeps changing - and vice versa. The fact had the same job when they was together is irrelevant - she put up with it because they was together, she no longer has to.

I think judges of all people will know what a policemans' work is like, and access is regular, it's every weekend FGS, how much more regular do you want!!! The only thing is that sometimes is has to be changed from Friday to Saturday, depending on work schedules. I don't think that is unreasonable! How much notice do some people want???

I don't think any judge is going to say that a partner has to have the kids, can you imagine the precedence and can of worms that would open!!! And TBH if I was a judge and someone explained to me why they had to change the day, so that the dad can see them, I'd wonder what the hell the ex was on about, if she insisted the kids visited regardless of whether dad was there or not!!! To me that seems bizarre. Anyone would think Cord is phoning up the night before to let he ex know! A couple of weeks notice is ample IMO!!

FatVonD

OP, I agree that in an ideal world it would always be better for them to be with one parent but, since the ex doesn't see it that way and you have concerns about the kids when they're in her care, would you not say (what I suggested in an earlier post) that you WILL have them every Friday provided that, if your DH has to work on the Friday you are allowed to have them for the Saturday night ALSO so he doesn't miss out on any time with them? It seems a no brainer to me, the ex gets her social life, your DH gets to see his daughters and the daughters have a proper routine.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

It's weekends but dependant upon whether he has to work it not - which restricts the ex. What would happen if the ex refused to change the days (which she could) - NEITHER of the two parents should have to keep changing things.

Like I said, once in a while changing pre arranged access fair enough, but constantly? There aren't THAT many riots etc in one area constantly that requires full senior force.

Yes, no judge will force someone to see the kids, I never said they would - I said if they can't see the kids and change the agreement constantly the ex CAN use this against them if she wanted to be awkward.

Asking for the OP OH to stick to the access HE suggests (OP said he gives ex dates in advance) isn't unreasonable. I'm sure if ex kept changing her mind the OP and OH wouldn't be happy either

If the OP and OH have serious concerns regarding welfare then you would assume they would have as much access as possible to get kids away from the ex regardless of work pattern