Step daughter's wedding - Who pays?

Mrs.W_2

Brighton_belle wrote: »

But in the original OP, the Dad clearly offered, right at the beginning, a named sum towards the wedding, so there was no confusion.

Re-read. Very true.

Though the rest of my post still stands. Offering to pay for certain aspects of the day rather than contributing a fixed sum could've made life a little easier.

That would've also given the bride clearer limits on what could be spent elsewhere. Everyone has to cut their cloth according to their width.

neverdespairgirl

QuackQuackOops wrote: »

Oh, just to add, back when it was the Father of the Bride who paid for the wedding he did so because it was the Mother of the Bride who planned it.
In effect it is the Mother and Fathers 'giving away their daughter' celebration not the brides day, but of course. not many people follow this tradition anymore.

That was certainly true when my parents' married - they invited, for example, a number of their friends who my Mama didn't know that well.

It was my grandparents giving the wedding for their daughter, really.

JC9297

Also in the past couples tended to get married much younger than is the norm these days and quite often after a short engagement. Now couples are often close to thirty, live together for a couple of years and have plenty of time to earn and save up for the wedding they want.

JC9297

zcrat41 wrote: »

Claire16c - my Oh has decided we're only going to have one child and it'll be a boy so we'll have no inheritance issues and no wedding to pay for!

But I do think the same as you.

Are you assuming that in thirty years he will be marrying a girl whose parents hold views that by then will be very outdated and are willing to pay it all?

Or do you think that a son won't need your financial help because he'll be able to earn enough to pay his own way, whereas a daughter won't need to worry her pretty little head about things like that?

I feel like I've just fallen into a time-warp.

thebillet

It's not the money, it's not the expectation...it's the hidden hand of the ex, been there done that. Take my advice, smile throughout all of this cos if you don't it will be your fault it isn't the happiest day of her life.

Of course in reality it shouldn't be about the wedding but about the marriage.

POPPYOSCAR

Best you stay out of this or it will be "all her doing".

No child has a right to expect parents to pay anything at all for their wedding although I think it reasonable that a contribution is made.I also think any contribution should be shared by all the parents and not just the father.

When our children get married we will pay towards their weddings but we will certainly not be paying for it all.

jackyann

thebillet wrote: »

Of course in reality it shouldn't be about the wedding but about the marriage.

Oh billet - how quaint! That's why I love MSE!

jungle_jane

QuackQuackOops wrote: »

Oh, just to add, back when it was the Father of the Bride who paid for the wedding he did so because it was the Mother of the Bride who planned it.
In effect it is the Mother and Fathers 'giving away their daughter' celebration not the brides day, but of course. not many people follow this tradition anymore.

I am sure lots of people do still follow this tradition, however in the case of divorce/blended families/step parents i am not sure that this tradition is still relevant and appropriate. The OP is a step mum...not a mum. I doubt she is planning the day - its more likely to be here DSD's mum doing that.

Its a sad reality that when families separate everything changes. Family finances are split between the divorcing couple and therefore the amount available to children decreases from each parent - including proms, weddings and inheritances. Even more so when parents move on and get new partners...

Oldernotwiser

coffeebee wrote: »

Plans all plans - He is ashamed of how "dreadful" (his word) she is turning out to be, but we suspect the hand of her mother behind the scenes. .

Even if you were being very traditional, it would be the bride's parents who would've funded the wedding, not just the father.

How much is her mother coughing up?

Oldernotwiser

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

That was certainly true when my parents' married - they invited, for example, a number of their friends who my Mama didn't know that well.

It was my grandparents giving the wedding for their daughter, really.

Which is why traditional wedding invitations are worded as they are.