Step daughter's wedding - Who pays?

maman

I expect OP's husband must be feeling very down that his daughter is behaving this way.

DH and I have 2 DDs, one each, and we've brought them up together since they were quite young. So I can empathise with the step-parent role on both sides.

Both of our DDs decided to marry their long-term partners when they were ready for children (between 28/30 years old). They saw the weddings as totally their own responsibility, they'd decided, they'd saved and they were prepared to pay for everything. Admittedly, neither of them went for a ridiculous WAG type wedding. After they'd made all their plans we just told them we'd pick up the bill so the money they'd saved was for them to use for overpaying mortgage, holiday or whatever.

IMO, OP's daughter has a ridiculous waste of money in mind and then expects him to pay for it:eek: In his situation, I'd tell his daughter she was being wildly extravagant but that he was prepared to give her £?
I'd say that it would be far better spent on saving for a house deposit or on a family holiday but if she wanted to 'waste' it on a vintage Rolls, madly expensive dress etc. etc. then that was her choice. I definitely wouldn't be pickng up the bill for every mad idea she fancies.

marywooyeah

we paid for our wedding ourselves and wouldnt have dreamed of asking let alone demanding money from our families for it.

The way I see it is we made the decision to get married - its the ultimate step of independence so if you can't afford to pay for it independently you're clearly not ready!

Glad you found the "collective indignation" helpful OP - I'd just tell her you made a more than generous offer and due to her attitude you are recinding it if I were you.

Fuzzy_Duck

skintchick wrote: »

You don't know that, what an awful thing to say.

I had a lavish wedding, it cost £25k, including honeymoon, my parents paid for it all except the honeymoon which we paid for, and PILs paid £200 for our wedding boat (instead of a car, I didn;t have cars).

OH and I are happy and been married for over three years now. The day was never more important to me than my husband, but it was important.

I think it's awful to make comments about the DSD like that - you know nothing about her relationship.

No, I don't know her, or her relationship. But the general consensus is she sounds like a spolit brat and it's that fact that makes me think she's far too immature to be getting married and probably cares a lot more about the wedding than the marriage itself.

I wouldn't want a lavish wedding but I certainly don't have anything against people that do. If you want it and can afford it, good for you. I certainly wasn't saying lavish do = short lived marriage.

Sorry if you thought it was a horrible statement, but I'm still not taking it back. All I have is the OP's post to go on and the judgement I have made is that her relationship is unlikely to last if she cares that much about material things. It's not like me saying it is going to curse her whole wedding and make it come true.