Step daughter's wedding - Who pays?

barbiedoll

Tell her to stop being so ungrateful and to accept that as she's not a WAG nor the daughter of Bernie Ecclestone, she will have to either pay her own way or lower her demands a little.

Ignore any sniping about how you spend your money, it probably is the bitter ex-wife putting words into her mouth. Your husband is clearly thinking along the same lines as you and I'm sure he doesn't want to upset his daughter but he knows that she is just being a brat. He can tell her that the offer stands, she can take it or leave it. How you and he spend your money is nothing to do with her any longer, she is a grown woman and a mother, she is not dependent on either of her parents for money, for weddings or anything else.

Someone needs to take her to one side and tell her to grow up. What's her partner like, can you and your husband speak to him about this? Even if you both paid for the wedding, I don't see how it's your responsibility to pay for hen nights (usually a weekend abroad now anyway! :mad:) and the like. You need to nip this in the bud now, otherwise you'll end up feeding and watering 500 guests, in a castle, with butler service and gold-plated cutlery!

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Did tradition not apply when she became a stay at home mum prior to becoming a wife?

(said as a resolutely unmarried person)

She can't have it both ways.

skintchick

Fuzzy_Duck wrote: »

You know it won't last anyway as she cares more about 'her special day' than the man she's actually marrying.

You don't know that, what an awful thing to say.

I had a lavish wedding, it cost £25k, including honeymoon, my parents paid for it all except the honeymoon which we paid for, and PILs paid £200 for our wedding boat (instead of a car, I didn;t have cars).

OH and I are happy and been married for over three years now. The day was never more important to me than my husband, but it was important.

I think it's awful to make comments about the DSD like that - you know nothing about her relationship.



Having said that, she should pay for her wedding herself and be grateful for any help offered. I didnt expect my parents to pay for ours, but they wanted to and I was told there wasn't a budget, so I spent what I wanted but I did save on a lot of things like Vistaprint invitations, although yes i did splurge on others (like a 3k dress!). But I always checked with my parents first and I really would have preferred a total budget to stick to, I was just very lucky with generous and well-off parents.

THe DSD should work out what the budget is and then arrange her day accordingly.

poorly_scammo

I get the impression that perhaps your husband is feeling a bit guilty over not paying what she asks. He shouldn't be. I too would be asking for an itemised bill and if you both are prepared to contribute following this (although judging by the way she has behaved, I'd be telling her to b off) then I'd donate some money towards it but tell her that she has to find the rest herself.

Is the fiance's parents contributing at all? (not that they ought to. Just wondering.) How much is fiance paying towards wedding seeing as he works?

CH27

I think she is a cheeky moo.
I would tell her firmly you will not contribute a penny more than you origanally offered.

kitty_cat_2

crazyguy wrote: »

If it were me then I would just say sorry I am now refusing to give you anything at all for being a spoilt little brat, now go and find the money somewhere else.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

No OP you are not being unreasonable at all. I've been married twice and my did not expect my parents to fund either. She really needs to grow up.

kitty_cat_2

Just out of interest is her Mum contributing anything? and how much is DSD and future hubby paying towards the day?

minerva_windsong

I have a very traditional dad and am the youngest of three sisters, and whilst I know my dad would happily pay for everything based on my sister's weddings I don't want him to feel like he has to (although equally I don't mean that to sound ungrateful because I'm really not), so I'm saving up as much as I can myself even though I'm not engaged yet - I want the 'pot' to be there for when it's needed. Likewise my gran has already said she will chip in with my share of the money she was planning to leave in her will (she did the same for my sisters and cousin when they got married) and OH's mum has said we can take some of the rent money to put towards a wedding (we rent our flat from her), but if they weren't helping and it was just me and my OH then I would be saving up for the wedding I wanted myself even if that meant waiting longer before I could get married.

You're not a wicked stepmother in the slightest; to be frank, she is acting like a brat and should be grateful for whatever you're offering. If it's her mum who's pushing for this stuff then she can pay for it. As others have said the budget should dictate the wedding not the other way round, and if you're prepared to get creative you can have a fantastic wedding for very little money. However I do agree that it needs to be your husband who has this conversation with her, or at least takes the lead if you want it to be something that you do together.

Time was when whoever paid for the wedding decided what kind of a day you had. I'd be very tempted to remind her of that.

Mojisola

coffeebee wrote: »

Problem is she has very little money - fiance is in modestly paid work, she is stay at home mum some days, part-time student others.

coffeebee wrote: »

I really feel we have to put a stop to this kind of behaviour now, especially as she is soon to be a married woman and responsible adult.

I would have hoped that she would have become a responsible adult before she became a mum!

You and your OH need to stand your ground. She should be very grateful for the initial offer.

Brighton_belle

Louise03 wrote: »

Am I being a wicked stepmonster or is she being unreasonable?


Probably abit of both. You do sound very bitter and people are only making a judgement on your side of the story.

In what way does she sound bitter? Exasperated and exhausted by the stress maybe, but "bitter"?
I canot think of any cirmcumstances where it is reasonable to demand any money from a parent to pay for your wedding, let alone sulk and strop at an offered 4 figure sum.

The thing is OP, even if her dad caves in, he won't get a quiet life or be thanked, his DD will find some thing else to whine and strop about. It is very sad that his DD seems to be missing by a mile the whole point of marriage - to love and cherish etc.