5 year old boy very much into 'girl' things

Cherry_Bomb

sunshinetours wrote: »

Op is your son an only child? Did he go to nursery / playgroup regualrly with other children?

Could be combinations of factors that cause his shyness and as for what toys he plays with don't worry at 5 as I think many children play wth whatever toys they enjoy (ours always have).

As others have suggested find some activities that both OH and son enjoy. Your OH may or may not have some old fashiooned views on certain things and at the end of the day we are all human and mainly (I would hope) just want the best for our kids whatever that may bring.

Yes he is an only child. I will admit I never took I'm to mother and tot type things. He went to nursery full time from the age of 7 months and even now attends breakfast and after school club so has been socialising from a very young age.

The more I sit and think about it the more ridiculous my OP sounds!

I'm going to have a chat with his dad tonight. He absolutely needs to accept his son is not the bouncy rough and tumble boy he (and I) thought he was going to be.

Thanks for all the replies. I really do appreciate all of them (good and bad)

victory

I have come in on this at the end but glad you feel better for the replies well some of them;) I have much older boys than yourself and if I think back to what they were like at 5 to today they are completely different, what was their character, important to them at the time, what they thought, the way they handled situations, the way the re-acted it has all developed and smoothed down a tad here, or changed there or become less noticeable there or better, kids are evolving, keep this thread in your saved items and look back on it and you will see:D

Gingham_R

Cherry_Bomb wrote: »

I'm going to have a chat with his dad tonight. He absolutely needs to accept his son is not the bouncy rough and tumble boy he (and I) thought he was going to be.

That's really important. It's something that will crush your little boy otherwise, as he tries to work out what he's not living up to.

He sounds like a lovely little boy. He just needs to be loved and accepted just the way he is.

And remember that he's only 5 and SO much will change over the years. He may never be a 'rough and tumble' type but if his dad is willing to try other things, they'll find common ground and have a great time together.

yummymummy79

At the age he is, there is the potential for a lot of changes in him over the coming few years, just using my son as an example. When he was 5 he was very shy, never said boo to a goose, not interested in playing many sports, happy just to stay at home and play on his DS or with toys (admittedly 'boy' ones!). Since he has turned 7 a few months ago, there has been a massive change. Is contributing more in class, enjoying school more and behaving better, getting better results and paying a lot of attention to what he is taught. He's still a bit shy, but will respond to people he knows who say hello to him (used to ignore them before) and is more willing to try new activities; started swimming lessons and joined a football team over the last few weeks. He's very much a mummy's boy and always has been; (lives 50/50 between me and his dad) his dad brought him round for 5 mins on one of his days as he missed me and just wanted a cuddle, bless! That would never happen the other way round, but doesn't mean he doesn't love his dad.

So all that isn't massively relevant to the playing with girly things that OP mentioned but more to show that kids can change a lot in a relatively short period of time, in all sorts of ways.

adouglasmhor

Just to say, as a little boy I was not into team games at all, (I liked swimming though). My dad would not let me and my brothers even have an action man because "it's a doll". I would play tea sets with my girl cousins any chance I got though, and once had to be taken to the doctors after pushing beads into my ears because I wanted "pearlings" in my ears like mummy.

I grew up OK.

by OK I mean I am Happy, wasn't picked on at school, got on OK at further education and work etc. Not any other big hidden meaning.

minerva_windsong

He sounds quite like my nephew - he's four and loves things like playing with his toy kitchen to make dinner or 'going to the shops' games with toy food, but equally will play football with his dad and older brothers and will play rough and tumble games with my dad, although it's got more so as he's got older.

If your son and OH are playing computer games together than that is at least something they can bond over; it's not like they have no relationship or it's in a really bad state of affairs. I agree with the suggestion of doing gender neutral activities like swimming or going to the park if they have swings, a climbing frame etc, or museums if you want something that isn't 'active' - a lot of museums have things like interactive sciency things, dressing up in historical costumes etc. The race track idea is a good one too, or maybe getting him a driving game for the PS3 or something like a Scalextrix for Christmas if they still make them, and then saying "Mummy's busy at the moment but Daddy will show you how to play it".

Ultimately though as everyone else has said the most important thing is that you let him be himself and do what he wants to do. I was never a 'girly girl' as a kid - I hated pink and wearing dresses and would much rather have played Star Wars or Indiana Jones with my cousin - but once I got to university I started wearing make-up and skirts and dresses and getting into baking and decorating, although I still like Star Wars and Indiana Jones and watching Liverpool and going to the pub with my OH and our friends (male and female), as well as those more typically feminine things.

That said though I was almost forced to be independent because a lot of the other kids thought I was 'weird' and even now I'm still quite shy and worry that people don't actually want to be friends with me, so I would definitely encourage him to build his confidence and that might help him with making friends. Computer club seems like an excellent start - are there any other activities he might like to get involved in? Obviously don't push him into things but if he seems interested in a particular club or activity then maybe take him along to a taster session and go from there.

knithappens wrote: »

His dads concern (we split before my son was born) was that he would turn out Gay, and my reply was, "so what if he does". and i found it ludicrous that someone would equate a child playing with toys supposedly for the opposite sex meaning they will turn out Gay.

I always find that really odd as well, especially as it only ever seems to be applied to boys liking 'girly' things - I've never seen anything about a parent worrying that their daughter would be a lesbian because she liked things like cars and science and Lego!

elvis86

Cherry_Bomb wrote: »

I'm probably going to get slaughtered for this but I really need some advice so here goes

DS is 5 and he's not what you would call a 'typical little boy'
Hates football (all sporting activities for that matter) 'boys' toys, messing about and playing with his dad, other kids etc.
Last year he got quite a few Toy Story related Xmas presents. His favourite being the Jessie doll. He would happily sit and play with her hair and build pretend houses for her to have 'tea in'
There's a dolls house and lots of typical girl toys at his nanas house and he adores going there just to play with these things

He plays with a couple of little girls at school which in itself causes trouble (his dad is very much boys should play with boys and girls should play with girls)

I going to be 100% brutally honest and say this is not what we we're expecting when we found out we we're having a boy. OH was over the moon thinking about the football games and the rough and tumble boys generally have with their dad but the reality is the total opposite.

I'm very worried about the relationship between the 2 of them but at the same time I want DS to enjoy some of the things OH had pictured for them.

I feel awful for thinking the things that I do but I need to be honest about it and hear honest opinions from other people.

ETA just read back my own post and don't feel my representation of DS is 100% accurate. He does love cars and dinosaurs and computer games (in fact he yesterday asked if he could join computer club at school which is a HUGE deal for DS so I was mega chuffed with that!)

I guess the way I'm feeling and how DS sometimes acts is quite difficult to put into words

I'm glad that the OP seems to have reflected and decided that this isn't so much about her little boy being into "girl" things and perhaps more about shyness etc.

But I do think that people are being a little unfair in making out like I overreacted in my response to her original post.

The thread title and original post (particularly the parts above) strongly suggested to me that the OP and her partner were disappointed in their little boy, that he wasn't how they expected a son to be, and that they wanted him to change, and that in particular her OH objected to his interests and even to the fact that he was friends with girls at school.

She admitted herself that she felt bad about her concerns, and felt the need to edit the post and "justify" that her son wasn't only into dolls, and that he liked "proper boys things" like dinosaurs and computers too.

I'm glad she seems to have changed her mind now, but I posted in reaction to the above.

sunshinetours

Just to add - finding something they are good at is importnat and try and encourage that activity with clubs and such. It hugely improves confidence when they are comforatble doing something. Our daughter was shy, although not quite to the extent of OP by the sounds, and it was after she joined a few clubs and we kept encouraging and sometimes even "forcing" (not literally but strong encouragement) her to keep giving them a go after first couple of weeks that her confience all over started coming through because she found things she was good at.

sunshinetours

elvis86 wrote: »

I'm glad that the OP seems to have reflected and decided that this isn't so much about her little boy being into "girl" things and perhaps more about shyness etc.

But I do think that people are being a little unfair in making out like I overreacted in my response to her original post.

The thread title and original post (particularly the parts above) strongly suggested to me that the OP and her partner were disappointed in their little boy, that he wasn't how they expected a son to be, and that they wanted him to change, and that in particular her OH objected to his interests and even to the fact that he was friends with girls at school.

She admitted herself that she felt bad about her concerns, and felt the need to edit the post and "justify" that her son wasn't only into dolls, and that he liked "proper boys things" like dinosaurs and computers too.

I'm glad she seems to have changed her mind now, but I posted in reaction to the above.

I guess that is the "joy" of an open forum. We won't all agree - I thought regardless of edits to OP, that your reply was totally innappropriate but others clearly disagree with me.

Being uncomfortable with homosexuality largely because you may never have had exposure to it for instance doesn't make you a homophobe and I wish these terms weren't so loosely banded around these days. Having a closed mind or denying or refusing to acknowledge its existance may be homophobic

We are all different and that works both ways

Cherry_Bomb

peachyprice wrote: »

If OP had title the post 'My son is shy, perhaps being bullied', instead of '5yo boy very much into Girl things' she would have had different responses. The title of her thread suggests the problem is very much that he into girls toys, not that he is shy.

So not knee jerk reactions, reactions to the actual title of the thread, not reactions to reading between the lines.

To be fair some of the replies have come from reading between the lines of my OP.

Examples OH is a homophobic bigot, worrying about DS being gay, mistreating him, poor boy, he's unhappy, bullying, forcing him into things etc

None of which I've actually said but has been assumed on the part of some posters.
Irrelevant now I know but I just wanted to reply (and not in a defensive way either! )