5 year old boy very much into 'girl' things

JC9297

Cherry_Bomb wrote: »

He's painfully shy and when meeting new people he pulls this face where his tongue sticks out and refuses to speak.
Even when we see people he knows for example in Tesco we've seen a few people from his class and they've shouted out 'Hi James (his names not James but you get the idea) he ignores them completely. Sometimes goes bright red and starts crying about it (he cries a lot as it is)

About a year ago he took DS to the local kids football team just to watch and see how he would react. We'll he screamed (which made some of the kids laugh at him) and shouted he wanted to ''go home to mummy''

These are the aspects of your son's behaviour I would be most concerned about rather than what toys he plays with and who his friends are. Whilst it's not uncommon for children not to say hello when they see children outside of school, your son's reaction seems rather extreme, as does screaming when watching the football, and pulling faces when meeting new people.

blossomhill_2

My friend's husband said to me "What do you think you are doing buying my son a tea set?"
I repied "why, are you scared he will grow up drinking tea?"

I am guessing, but if your son enjoys playing with dolls he may make a very good parent in later life - or not, no-one can tell, so please enjoy him as he is now, give him many opportunities in life and let him make his own choices from them - once a child grows up you can look back and see early trends, but you can't predict the future from the early years

System

My little brother used to love dressing up (in dresses and heels!) and playing with girly toys, he's now 15 and obsessed with xbox Never did him any harm

Gloomendoom

I have no interest in playing football, never have. In fact, given the choice, I rather play with a dolls house.

As far as I am aware, I'm otherwise a 'normal' bloke.

shellsuit

My 2 yr old has a pink peppa pig tea set, we've got him a toy story jessie doll for Christmas (to go with bullseye and rex, and the other toy story stuff he's already got), he loves parading around in my shoes and loves a squirt of perfume just like Mummy.

He's got a doll too, which my husband raised his eyebrows at, but the way i see it, is why stop a kid playing with what they want?! I've seen my son in the creche and although he is mad mad mad on cars, he goes for a wander to play with the toy kitchen and dolls and has a whale of a time!

My husband says he wants to get him to play football for a local team (like my eldest has for 10 years now, since the age of 5), but I ask my husband "what if he hates football? What if he'd prefer dancing?" and my husband understands, I think he just automatically thinks that boys will do boys things, like when most of the time a woman has a baby girl and can't wait to dress her in pink frills, and lay her down on pink sheets in a pink room with a pink door etc...

SingleSue

My now ex hubby was not happy with me when I purchased a toy Dyson for eldest son when he was about 2...eldest had asked for it and I could not see a problem with him having one, ex hubby on the other hand accused me of wanting to "make him gay" (yep, he is pretty much from the dark ages).

Eldest is now 18 and hetrosexual.

Now ex hubby was completely apoplectic with rage when I got middle son a play kitchen (he hadn't forgiven me for the Dyson hoover for eldest)...he is now 15 and also hetrosexual.

Youngest actually bought himself a pink dolls house and barbie dolls at a boot sale age 10, has an eye for design (I call him my little personal shopper, his brothers call him the new Gok Wan) but as yet we are not sure of his sexuality...although I doubt he will let anyone, male or female, into his life intimately anyway, he doesn't like people.

My children have been brought up to not worry about what sexuality they may be, that there is nothing wrong with being gay, that in my eyes, there is no difference, I only want them to be happy, be that with a female partner or a male one.

Edit - None of them like football but then their father is not a huge football fan either. I on the other hand, love sports, something my dad was eternally grateful for as my brother couldn't stand sport on the telly and it gave my dad someone to discuss sports with!

KiKi

I'm not going to add any suggestions as to what you should do, OP.

However, I did want to say that I admire you for being prepared to admit that your child isn't what you expected. You've taken criticism for it (which I think is unnecessary), but the truth is that parents do have some expectations, and when they're not met, it takes some adjustment. It doesn't mean your child isn't loved or accepted, just that it's not what you expected.

There are those parents whose children turned out pretty much as they expected, and others who have to adjust to expectations. The fact is that you're strong enough to admit it, deal with it, talk to your OH about it and express your love for your son better for it. I admire you for that.

KiKi

Margaret52129

Just let your son be whatever he wants. As long as he's a healthy and happy child, then he will become a healthy and happy adult if he is able to relax.

My DD's had a Fisher Price house and also a garage when they were very small. I get the garage out for my GS (3) when he comes to stay and he loves it. Couldn't find the house, but when I did I got it out for him, and he loves that as well. He also loves his teaset and shopping trolley. He loves pink things too. Nothing wrong in that, his mum never liked dolls or dresses and she's turned out fine. Let them make their own choices, and be relaxed with who they are.

My GS is only a toddler and is very happy playing with these things, so should I not let him have the house seeing as it is a 'girls' toy? No I don't think so. He'll play with what makes him happy, and we, his family, are happy that he is happy.

evespikey

It's really heartwarming to hear everyone's responses along the lines of 'let them play, you should love them no matter what'. I really strongly support this and it's great to see so many people that do.
I think perhaps a lot of dads who get edgy about gender-specific toys don't quite realize their own fears. Kids really really suffer if pushed into activities which don't reflect their skills and sensibilities. I just wish parents would nurture and encourage the interests that are there rather than put pressure on kids to do something that conforms to the parent's ideal rather than the kids' own individual talents. Everyone is different. My other half was not in the least bit interested in football despite his father's avid interest in sport. As a result OH was driven to find his own interests and became very talented in a completely different area (computers).

To be honest, though it may or may not be relevant to your son now or in the future, I would have the 'what if he does turn out to be gay' conversation with your OH to make sure he is not harbouring any prejudices. You could really try to deal with those issues now so it need not be a problem.

The not responding to other kids issue though I do think is concerning. The issue above seems to be an issue for you to deal with yourselves together as parents, but this one I think would require working with your boy, encouraging him to come out of his shell, definitely talking to his teachers. If you encourage him in activities he feels confident in like as you say, computers, then he will feel more confident in talking to others, boys and girls. If you push him into activities like football, he is much more likely to become withdrawn and shy and fearful of interacting with others. Positive reinforcement and confidence is key