5 year old boy very much into 'girl' things

Cherry_Bomb

I'm probably going to get slaughtered for this but I really need some advice so here goes

DS is 5 and he's not what you would call a 'typical little boy'
Hates football (all sporting activities for that matter) 'boys' toys, messing about and playing with his dad, other kids etc.
Last year he got quite a few Toy Story related Xmas presents. His favourite being the Jessie doll. He would happily sit and play with her hair and build pretend houses for her to have 'tea in'
There's a dolls house and lots of typical girl toys at his nanas house and he adores going there just to play with these things

He's painfully shy and when meeting new people he pulls this face where his tongue sticks out and refuses to speak.
Even when we see people he knows for example in Tesco we've seen a few people from his class and they've shouted out 'Hi James (his names not James but you get the idea) he ignores them completely. Sometimes goes bright red and starts crying about it (he cries a lot as it is)

He plays with a couple of little girls at school which in itself causes trouble (his dad is very much boys should play with boys and girls should play with girls)

About a year ago he took DS to the local kids football team just to watch and see how he would react. We'll he screamed (which made some of the kids laugh at him) and shouted he wanted to ''go home to mummy''
He is very much a mummy boy always saying love you and wanting cuddles.
He never says stuff like that to his dad and I'm always having to remind him to give his dad kisses and cuddles at bedtime

I going to be 100% brutally honest and say this is not what we we're expecting when we found out we we're having a boy. OH was over the moon thinking about the football games and the rough and tumble boys generally have with their dad but the reality is the total opposite.

I'm very worried about the relationship between the 2 of them but at the same time I want DS to enjoy some of the things OH had pictured for them.

I feel awful for thinking the things that I do but I need to be honest about it and hear honest opinions from other people.

ETA just read back my own post and don't feel my representation of DS is 100% accurate. He does love cars and dinosaurs and computer games (in fact he yesterday asked if he could join computer club at school which is a HUGE deal for DS so I was mega chuffed with that!)

I guess the way I'm feeling and how DS sometimes acts is quite difficult to put into words

adelight

Can him and his dad do some of those more "boy" interests together instead of football? Go see the dinosaurs at the natural history museum together or go karting?

magenta22

I woudn't worry about it, he's only 5.

Not all boys like football and there are plenty of girls that do.

Are you sure those boys who call out to him in the store are not bullying him in the playground, hence he is ignoring them?

Try to boost his confidence a bit to help him overcome his shyness. Maybe dad could build lego with him or something like that.

Yolina

Since you're in Colchester, your nearest race track is probably Snetterton... https://www.snetterton.co.uk A bit end of season now for motorsport but worth bearing in mind for next season since your DS likes cars. Loads of club racing most weekends (fairly cheap too and kids under 12 free - recommend that you bring your own food and drinks... Except if you ever go to Mallory Park where they have the best breakfast ) all good fun

Edit: and yes, I'm a girl (well nearly 39 :rotfl: ) and I've always loved motorsport - had plenty of cars and other "boy" toys when I was little, never did me any harm

anniemf2508

To be honest at 5 years old i don't think you need to worry. My 5 year old son loves to dress up at school, his favourite costume being a disney princess one, this really doesn't bother me as i know he'll grow out of it, his Dad isn't comfortable with it tho

knithappens

MY son is 9 and was very much like yours , he still is, his dad tried to make him watch football etc, he is not interested.

My son Prefered "girl" toys over " boys" toys, but to a kid a toy is a toy, we socialise them into what is for a girl and what is for a boy, I just let him get on with it. Even now he loves to dress up, and takes dance lessons, but also does basket ball, football and drama.

His dads concern (we split before my son was born) was that he would turn out Gay, and my reply was, "so what if he does". and i found it ludicrous that someone would equate a child playing with toys supposedly for the opposite sex meaning they will turn out Gay.

My son, and i suspect your son too does just not find typical boy sports etc interesting, like you son, mine loves computer games, reading, science, so it is best to find out what it is he does love and nurture that.

Saying that my now 2 year old daughter loves playing with cars, Aeroplanes and Garages.

jamespir

does it matter hes 5years old
you cant force him to do something he does not want to
if he wants to play with dolls and little girls let him
you and your husband have to love him for who he is not what you want him to be

Sublime_2

I hate enforcing gender stereotypes on young children. Most little boys like pink, and dolls houses, etc.

My 4 year old does, but has never been denied, plays with all his sisters ponyville, etc. Its when you do, causes a problem. He loves cars, mad about them, so is very much a little boy in that sense, but he loves clonking around the house in my heels, and bags. His sis keeps putting nail polish on him, and herself, and painting their faces.

They're just trying to be like mummy. They don't know gender stereotypes that society labels people with.

I remember doing the same, but I was a girl, but then one of my favourite dolls had a machine gun as a child. So wasn't typical, whatever that means.

Always believed in letting my kids playing freely, and they're very happy for it.

jamespir

knithappens wrote: »

MY son is 9 and was very much like yours , he still is, he dad tried to make him watch football etc, he is nto interested. My son Prefered "girl" toys over " boys" toy, but to a kid a toy is a toy, we socialise them into what is for a girl and what is for a boy, I just let him get on with it. Even now he loves to dress up, and takes dance lessons, but also does basket ball, football and drama.

His dads concern (we split before my son was born) was that he would turn out Gay, and my reply was, "so what if he does". and i found it ludicrous that someone would equate a child playing with toys supposeldy for the opposite sex meaning they will turn out Gay. My son, and i suspect yoru son too does just not find typical boy sports etc interesting, like you son, mine loves computer games, reading, science, so it is best to find out what it is he does love and nurture that.

oh no he might turn out gay ............ tell dad to get over himself just cause a boy likes girls toys dont mean they gonna be gay

Sambucus_Nigra

anniemf2508 wrote: »

To be honest at 5 years old i don't think you need to worry. My 5 year old son loves to dress up at school, his favourite costume being a disney princess one, this really doesn't bother me as i know he'll grow out of it, his Dad isn't comfortable with it tho

What do you mean you know he will grow out of it? He might not...

wannabehermit

It doesn't sound like there's anything wrong other than his dad is trying to force him into liking things that he doesn't wnat to like. He's only 5, gender specific toys at that age are a bit crap imo. Both my boys loved playing with dolls prams etc, whenever they went to a girls house at that age they had no problem playing with their toys and vice versa when girls came to our house. Now I have a DD and they love playing with her toys (OK they're baby toys but some are still quite 'girly') and she loves their cars etc.

The things at his nanas house are different to what he has at home. Children always go for something different as it's more exciting than playing with the smae old things all the time.

If he doesn't like football, he doesn't like it. Simple as. My ds2 hates football, my DH isn't into it, or any sport. However I love football and always have done. His dad needs to stop trying to force him to like it and forcing him to be rough and tumble and accept him for what he is. A wonderful little boy who is his son, and he should be grateful for that (I'm sure he is, but it sounds very much as though he resents the fact that he is not a 'stereotypical' boy). Trust me, there are huge disadvantages to having your typical rough and tumble boy!

Forget gender stereotyping, let him play with what he wants to play with, get your OH to pay more attention to that, and join in with those games that he likes. As adelight suggests, Natural History museum, Science museum, as he likes cars is there a banger racing track nearby? My boys love that.

Just because he likes a few girls toys at the age of 5 doesn't mean he's gay (I think that's what you're worrying about) and even if he is, does it really matter? Because it shouldn't. Some girls like boys things, some boys like girls things, everybody is different and you and your OH need to accept that your son isn't what you were expecting from a boy and accept him and embrace him for who he is. It also sounds like he needs a bit of confidence boosting and doing things that he wants to do is going to help that a great deal.

I was the biggest tomboy going, never ever wore skirts, hated all things girly, loved football and all sports, love fast cars, drinking lager and eating kebabs, I never ever conformed to what was expected of a girl (and probably still don't, except now I refuse to wear trousers or jeans) and there's nothing wrong with me.