5 year old boy very much into 'girl' things

milliebear00001

I would say (and I know this sounds harsh) that it isn't your little boy with a problem at all - it is his parents, and especially his dad by the sound of your description.

You don't get to choose what child you get - sometimes they turn out differently to the stereotype - that's just the way it is. It's why it makes me hugely angry to see those '7 boys and desperate for a girl' type programmes. What exactly is a 'girl' to those people, and what happens if that child isn't like that idealised image at all?!

babymoo

I may be flamed for this and fair enough if people disagree but I read your post OP wondering when you and your husband (especially your husband) are going to realise its 2011 and its encouraged to both sexes to mix, its encouraged to let boys play with "girls toys" and vice versa. The most important thing you should remember is that you have a healthy little boy and if he's happy playing with "girls toys" then he's happy and healthy. Enjoy that you have a child. Accept him for who he is and stop trying to turn him into something he doesn't want to be.

Children that age are very sure of themselves and will tell you the truth even if you dont like it. Listen to the poor lad.

Cherry_Bomb

babymoo wrote: »

I may be flamed for this and fair enough if people disagree but I read your post OP wondering when you and your husband (especially your husband) are going to realise its 2011 and its encouraged to both sexes to mix, its encouraged to let boys play with "girls toys" and vice versa. The most important thing you should remember is that you have a healthy little boy and if he's happy playing with "girls toys" then he's happy and healthy. Enjoy that you have a child. Accept him for who he is and stop trying to turn him into something he doesn't want to be.

Children that age are very sure of themselves and will tell you the truth even if you dont like it. Listen to the poor lad.

Whilst I get what you're saying and I'm fully aware it's 2011 thanks I really don't understand your point of 'it's encouraged for boys and girls to mix and mix toys' When exactly does this happen?

I've never seen a stereotypically boys toy for example being advertised with a little girl playing with it. You walk into Toys R Us and the 'boy' isle are painted blue, the 'girl isles are painted pink. Bikes aimed at boys are not covered in flowers with pretty bells on them. Nativities plays at schools Joseph is played by a boy and Mary is played by a girl holding a baby doll!

No matter how much I dress it up we are not going to encourage DS to play with dolls or whatever. That doesn't mean we would stop him (like I said a few ages ago we we're the ones who bought him the Jessie Doll in the first place!!) if we didn't want him playing with her surely I'd just take the doll off him? Or ban him from playing a dolls house?

How does that equate to 'poor boy'?? He's not stopped from doing anything

There_Goes_Trouble

My nephew is now ten and always preferred stereo-typical 'girlie' toys when he was younger. He only has a brother though so there are no girls toys at home as people don't tend to give boys 'girlie' presents as gifts except for a few bits from family because we knew what he liked. At nursery he always played with the girls in the wendy house, and he loved to dress up in princess dressing up clothes. He adored a tutu type skirt that my Mum had in her dressing up box (she has granddaughters too) and wore it constanly every time he visited alsong with sparkly princess shoes and a tiara. His Dad wasn't comfortable with it but was grown up enough not to make an issue of it and to let him grow and learn in his own way. My nephew hates football although he did try it once because he wanted to fit in with the boys at school, but he didn't like it.

Now he's older, he's more aware of fitting in with the other boys and not doing things that might get him laughed at and picked on. He's genuinely very 'into' cars, trains, airoplanes etc and he doesn't really do any dressing up any more except for things like book day and halloween. He's figured out for himself how gender steroetypes work and he is comfortable with how he fits in in the world. He does do kick boxing and that's the one activity his parents make him do, mainly because he's always been small for his age and they want him to be able to look after himself if he does get picked on in school. (Kick Boxing classes help with self confidence, as well as instilling in a child that their skill is for self defence only, not as a form of agression. He's not the kind of child to start a fight and knows he mustn't throw the first punch, but if someone goes for him he can defend himself with minimum but effective force. This in itself is a deterrent to would be bullies)

He still hates football though.

babymoo

Cherry_Bomb wrote: »

Whilst I get what you're saying and I'm fully aware it's 2011 thanks I really don't understand your point of 'it's encouraged for boys and girls to mix and mix toys' When exactly does this happen?

I've never seen a stereotypically boys toy for example being advertised with a little girl playing with it. You walk into Toys R Us and the 'boy' isle are painted blue, the 'girl isles are painted pink. Bikes aimed at boys are not covered in flowers with pretty bells on them. Nativities plays at schools Joseph is played by a boy and Mary is played by a girl holding a baby doll!

No matter how much I dress it up we are not going to encourage DS to play with dolls or whatever. That doesn't mean we would stop him (like I said a few ages ago we we're the ones who bought him the Jessie Doll in the first place!!) if we didn't want him playing with her surely I'd just take the doll off him? Or ban him from playing a dolls house?

Why does that equate to 'poor boy'?? He's not stopped from doing anything

At schools and nurseries the children are not kept apart, its is encouraged for them to play together. Its all this PC crap but sometimes its for a good reason. I trained as a nursery nurse and we were actively encouraged to mix the children and to mix the toys so that they dont grow up being stereotyped and they don't grow up disliking someone because they are different.

I agree with you about toys r us, but at the same token there is absolutely nothing wrong with a little boy playing on a pink flowery bike and nothing wrong with a little girl playing with cars. If this is what he chooses then let him.

Listen to what he wants, his actions are definitely speaking louder than his words, daddy doesn't listen to him and he cries when hes taken to football games, daddy is trying to make him be something he is not, daddy doesn't automatically get cuddles and kisses at night. Thats all i'm saying. I could be wrong, I don't know you from Adam and don't know your little lad and I certainly dont mean any offence but you posted on an open forum and I am just giving you my opinion.

Cherry_Bomb

I am in no way, nor have I (I don't think anyway) hinted that I would prefer classes to be kept same sex. His dad has the view boys should play with boys and vice versa. I was being completely honest. I didn't mean he thinks that applies in every setting such as school and nursery!

I am of course prepared for all opinions (hence why I posted on an open forum) and I've said that quite a few times

Again not being defensive

babymoo

Cherry_Bomb wrote: »

I am in no way, nor have I (I don't think anyway) hinted that I would prefer classes to be kept same sex. His dad has the view boys should play with boys and vice versa. I was being completely honest. I didn't mean he thinks that applies in every setting such as school and nursery!

I am of course prepared for all opinions (hence why I posted on an open forum) and I've said that quite a few times

Again not being defensive

I never said you did prefer classes to be kept seperate my points was that children are actively encouraged to mix and to mix toys.

If little girls are allowed to be tomboys (and its widely accepted) then what makes it different for little boys who want to play girls? This isnt just a question for the OP but for everyone.

I have an 8 month old niece who I adore with all my heart and I know her parents and our entire family will love her regardless of what she grows up enjoying doing. No one will sulk if she decides she wants to be a tomboy, daddy wont be bothered that he doesnt have a daddys little princess, mummy wont be bothered if she doesnt ever want to wear pink. She's a very happy and healthy little girl and we love her. This is the most important thing with any child.

Bennifred

Cherry_Bomb wrote: »

I am in no way, nor have I (I don't think anyway) hinted that I would prefer classes to be kept same sex. His dad has the view boys should play with boys and vice versa. I was being completely honest. I didn't mean he thinks that applies in every setting such as school and nursery!

I am of course prepared for all opinions (hence why I posted on an open forum) and I've said that quite a few times

Again not being defensive

Do you know why he thinks this? Just wondering.......

Cherry_Bomb

Bennifred wrote: »

Do you know why he thinks this? Just wondering.......

I really don't know.

To the outside world he's a very typical mans man. Has a stereotypically 'manly' job. I could count on one hand the number of women he works with. Has 4 brothers, no sisters. Maybe it's something to do with that? He certainly wasn't brought up in a household where dad goes out to work hard and mum is tied to the kitchen sink and it's absolutely not what goes on in our house so I don't know where it's come from.

PoorCharleyBear

I have a 4.5yr old daughter.
Her dad initially really wanted a boy to do boy things with (like he did with his dad), but our daughter is great fun- she likes going to the park, kicking a ball, playing with her babies, painting.

At the moment she wants to copy me- after all I am the one she has generally spent more time with (I was the primary caregiver) and so sees me as her role model.
The same will apply to boys.
At a later point a child tends to identify more with the same sex parent, but they also have their own wishes/desires and personality.
Mostly kids will be thrilled to do something with a parent, who lavishes attention on them.

(Ultimately if your son was gay, does that make him less of a person? I have 2 gay friends- one who 'knew' he was gay at 10, and his life was hell because his parents could not accept him. The other did not come out until he was 22.)