Would you be angry?

Plans_all_plans

elvis86 wrote: »

!!!!!!, this pointless fact has been wheeled out so often on here. Who in their right mind would want to attend a wedding that they weren't invited to?!

Well a good (but fairly new) friend of mine was only invited to our evening do, as were 3 ladies that I volunteer with. All turned up to the Church ceremony.

4 members of our Parish community were not invited to any part of it at all but had obviously heard that we were getting married and they turned up too. It's not that uncommon for people to come to the Church, then go home and go back for the evening do!

embob74

My SIL is getting married next year and has the problem that she can have 70 people to the reception and 100 to the evening do but the church is small and numbers for the ceremony are limited to 55.
I don't see the problem with a cousin's gf not being invited to a reception. I think the bride and groom would have probably been better to have not invited the gf at all. They then could say it is immediate family only. As far as I can see the only faux-pas the future couple have committed is to make a point of actually inviting the gf at all.

coolcait

Person_one wrote: »

It does actually, etiquette tells couples to have the wedding they can afford. If you have to be rude to pay for your wedding, scale it back.

I'd agree with the point that a couple should scale the wedding back to the point that they can afford it.

In this case, that might have meant that the couple were unable to invite any members of the OP's family, rather than inviting only the blood relatives and relatives by marriage.

Indeed, if the bride could read this thread, she might have seen that as a more attractive option...

OP, the best advice on this thread is the advice which comes up again and again on this board.

Talk to the people who have upset you - whether wittingly or unwittingly. Only they can explain or answer you.

And remember, an invitation is an invitation. No more, no less.

No one is obliged to issue an invitation to anyone else, and no one is obliged to accept an invitation.

There's also an etiquette in accepting or declining invitations. Ranting or getting furious, isn't etiquette.

If I were taking the etiquette approach, I would graciously accept the evening invitation, and regretfully decline the invitation to the ceremony:

"Thank you very much for your kind invitation to attend your marriage ceremony and reception.

I am so sorry that I won't be able to be there for the ceremony, but I will be thinking of you at that time, and sending my best wishes.

I hope all goes well during the ceremony, and the wedding breakfast.

I will, however, be able to attend the evening reception, and am delighted to accept your invitation. I look forward to seeing you and your new husband then, and sharing in your happiness."

Assuming I cared as much about it as your mum seems to. And she's got an invitation to the whole thing!

thorsoak

It might be that they invited her to the ceremony in order that she might be included in the photographs!

Every wedding has a constraint on costs, every venue has constraints on numbers, and lines have to be drawn somewhere. For all you know, the groom might have dozens of cousins with dozens of g/fs and b/fs - and to invite your brother's g/f might mean that another 15 or 20 people might have to be invited too.

arbroath_lass

Tbh I would find it rude if an adult was invited without a +1 but, there again, I wouldn't expect cousins to be invited to the ceremony either. People don't seem to care nowadays, though.

Brighton_belle

arbroath_lass wrote: »

Tbh I would find it rude if an adult was invited without a +1 but, there again, I wouldn't expect cousins to be invited to the ceremony either. People don't seem to care nowadays, though.

Really? Gosh. I have attended many weddings as a single person and never received a plus one. Wouldn't occur to me as an adult to expect my friend/family getting married to have to use up a precious space to a stranger so I didn't have to be seen to be that dreaded 'social misfit': a single woman.

arbroath_lass

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Really? Gosh. I have attended many weddings as a single person and never received a plus one. Wouldn't occur to me as an adult to expect my friend/family getting married to have to use up a precious space to a stranger so I didn't have to be seen to be that dreaded 'social misfit': a single woman.

Well you don't have to use the +1. It is just polite to offer. And it applies equally to men.

Mupette

arbroath_lass wrote: »

Well you don't have to use the +1. It is just polite to offer. And it applies equally to men.

what if those paying for the wedding can't afford the +1's

warehouse

Once you've been through a wedding and seemingly upset half the family in the process then you'll see it from the other side. There is no way they're doing this to upset anyone, it will be pure economics and numbers, and unfortunately the line must be drawn somewhere.

I still regret a couple of decisions we made from our own wedding 16+ years ago, but hindsight is a wonderful thing. Enjoy the day and be happy for the newlyweds, but seriously, tell your Mother to relax about it.

victory

Torry_Quine wrote: »

The reception is a party to celebrate being married and starting your lie together.

That made me laugh I know you meant to type life but instead it was lie and seems very apt sometimes through marriages:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: