Would you be angry?

Torry_Quine

Person_one wrote: »

That's the wrong way round! The point of a reception is to thank people for coming to the church to see you be married!

That's a new one on me! The reception is a party to celebrate being married and starting your life together.

OP I do think that a girlfriend does not have the same status as a partner and that could well be the reason.

Plans_all_plans

Yes you are being totally unreasonable!

We didn't even invite my cousin's FIANCE to our wedding, nor did we invite my closest friends' boyfriends/girlfriends unless we were close to the bf/gf too. We had 100 people oto feed in the day on just family and very closest friends. We had a further 30 evening guests. One of my friends was offended by the policy we had but I wasn't prepared to pay a fortune for people I'd never met, or only met once or twice.

When you already have to pay out for 100 people (which is a fairly large number of guests for a 3/4 course meal, their drink and a buffet) it's no wonder they won't invite various relatives bfs/gfs unless they are close to them. It costs a fortune. Your mum'd change her tune if she had to pay for all the extra people "who should be there".

elvis86

mishkanorman wrote: »

is it not the case that you cannot exclude anyone from a church wedding/ceremony ?

!!!!!!, this pointless fact has been wheeled out so often on here. Who in their right mind would want to attend a wedding that they weren't invited to?!

Person_one

mishkanorman wrote: »

is it not the case that you cannot exclude anyone from a church wedding/ceremony ?

That's right, they're open to the public. Another reason why telling somebody they're welcome to come to one is a bit of an empty gesture!

Torry_Quine

elvis86 wrote: »

!!!!!!, this pointless fact has been wheeled out so often on here. Who in their right mind would want to attend a wedding that they weren't invited to?!

You'd be surprised!!!

Mupette

Who's wedding is this anyway?
Anyone would think its you and your mums.

Seriously has anyone actually rang the cousin (nicely) and asked why she isnt invited to the reception?

I'm getting married in June, i've had to restrict the amount that can be at the ceremony, i wanted to have more there but its the costs, and when i explain this to my friends, no one has a hissyfit over it.

We can't afford a reception, so having a do in my back garden, this won't hold too many people either..

my friend (who is bridesmaid) asked if her boyfriend could come, i politely said if there was room no question, but alas there isnt, but he is also a friend of mine, he understands and doesnt hold that against me, he knows he is very much welcome for the evening bit..

Remember it is HER day, it is up to her and her hubby to be who is invited, please respect that.

Person_one

No, its really not. Its called a reception because its where the newly married couple (and their parents, traditionally) receive their guests and provide them with hospitality. They were kind enough and care enough about you to sit in a church and watch you be married, you repay them with food and drink and music and so on.

To the second point, there is no requirement to invite the girlfriend as they are not a social unit, its the half inviting that is off.

mishkanorman

elvis86 wrote: »

!!!!!!, this pointless fact has been wheeled out so often on here. Who in their right mind would want to attend a wedding that they weren't invited to?!

Charming !

Torry_Quine

Person_one wrote: »

That's right, they're open to the public. Another reason why telling somebody they're welcome to come to one is a bit of an empty gesture!

I suppose some people unless specifically told wouldn't come

Person_one wrote: »

No, its really not. Its called a reception because its where the newly married couple (and their parents, traditionally) receive their guests and provide them with hospitality. They were kind enough and care enough about you to sit in a church and watch you be married, you repay them with food and drink and music and so on.

Thanks for that, you learn something new every day.

KiKi

Person_one wrote: »

You said "Please don't blame them for being selfish on their wedding day."

To me, that looked like an acknowledgement that it is selfish, but you still think its ok. Is that not what you meant?

Yes, I do think it's okay to be a bit selfish on your wedding day - as long as it's not done with unkind or nasty motives.

It's fine that you think my view is wrong - that's your opinion after all!

It was the 'made your peace' that I find unnecessary. It implies that I'm a) in the wrong rather than just have a different opinion and b) that I'm such an awful person I've had to justify this to myself / others to be okay with it - even though I'm still wrong.

I'm not awful or 'wrong' - I just have a different opinion.

Person_one wrote: »

There are lots of things that are considered rules in a polite society that aren't law. They exist to give people a framework for behaviour to help everybody get along and avoid causing hurt feelings.

I'm fully aware of that. But some are more important than others. Some are more relevant than others. Some have changed over time. The 'rules' that you deem to be really important won't always concur with everyone else's. I'd bet that the vast majority of the population would agree on 'please' and 'thank you', but agreement on this topic is probably a lot lower.

The 'rules' of society are usually determined by the degree to which they're accepted by society, and in this case, I happen to disagree with the rule. I'm sure I'm not alone, just as you're not.

Anyway, stepping away now, as this probably isn't helping the OP anymore.

KiKi