Would you be angry?

skypie123_2

Person_one wrote: »

That's life.

You know, technically, you can get married for less than £200 at a registry office. You're still just as married.

Plenty of people manage big parties for 150 on peanuts, they get the use of a pub function room for free and put on a buffet, I've been to weddings like this and they're just as happy an occasion as the posh ones with seat covers, string quartets and a £500 cake.

Please don't believe the wedding industry hype! It doesn't have to cost you a small fortune and you aren't entitled to behave badly because its your special day!

Why should a bride and groom have to scale their day right down or have their reception in a pub as you've suggested, just so they can include a load of extra guests they didn't want in the first place?
Surely a wedding day, their one big day, should be for the bride and groom and what they want, not what a load of ungrateful extras want!
We are saving to have the day we want, which we are paying for. I want the string quartet and the seat covers thank you, and as I am paying, I will decide who sits on those seat covers too.

sassyblue

skypie123 wrote: »

Why should a bride and groom have to scale their day right down or have their reception in a pub as you've suggested, just so they can include a load of extra guests they didn't want in the first place?
Surely a wedding day, their one big day, should be for the bride and groom and what they want, not what a load of ungrateful extras want!
We are saving to have the day we want, which we are paying for. I want the string quartet and the seat covers thank you, and as I am paying, I will decide who sits on those seat covers too.

that's the trouble though we're not ungrateful, we're upset because the bride or groom don't want us there and we'd like to spend their special day with them!

Hotspur

It isn't at at all unusual for relations to get annoyed because so and so haven't been invited to the wedding/reception etc. but, to put it bluntly, it isn't their wedding and a line has to be drawn on numbers somewhere and that means some people have to be disappointed.

There could be many reasons why the number of people invited to the reception are limited including capacity of the venue or overall cost however, it is quite normal these days for the bride and groom to have to work to a budget and stick to it. At my wedding there was a limit to the number we could afford to pay for so, only relatives were invited with one exception for a family member that was engaged to his girlfriend. A number of close friends were only asked to the evening reception and as far as I am aware nobody got upset because of it.

My suggestion would be to accept the decision, enjoy the day and give the bride and groom a day to remember for all the right reasons. Life is too short to get upset about something like this.

Kay_Peel

Absinthe_Fairy wrote: »

We DID previously assume ....based on our understanding of wedding etiquette....

I genuinely believed that inviting partners was common politeness. It seems that this is not the case.

There's actually a website devoted to gathering together all the traditions, etiquette and protocols of UK weddings - and I can't find anything about 'Guests - Who Should Go?'

Where did you get your understanding of etiquette from and could you have been mistaken?

newcook

Absinthe_Fairy wrote: »

As mentioned earlier, I genuinely believed that inviting partners was common politeness. It seems that this is not the case.

Partners - yes
girlfriends/boyfriends - no

partners normally covers those that live together, those that are married, and those that are engaged. most people over 25 refer to their OH as 'partner' (I personally dont like the word and Im 31!)

Person_one

Kay_Peel wrote: »

There's actually a website devoted to gathering together all the traditions, etiquette and protocols of UK weddings - and I can't find anything about 'Guests - Who Should Go?'

Where did you get your understanding of etiquette from and could you have been mistaken?

Debretts says "if the guest is married or in an established, long-term relationship, his or her other half should be invited"

I suppose the bit that's open to interpretation there is what established and long term mean. Taking it to mean something concrete like living together means you don't have to start making judgements about all your friend's relationship on an ad hoc basis!

Kay_Peel

Person_one wrote: »

Debretts says "if the guest is married or in an established, long-term relationship, his or her other half should be invited"

Your selective quote misses out the first part of Debrett's

"Decide whether all partners of guests should be invited. There is no generally accepted rule.... "

elvis86

Absinthe_Fairy wrote: »

Also my mam has not ranted to or been visibly fuming to anyone other than me, my brother, my dad and a close friend (I don't even know what the GF thinks of all this to be honest!) - some people seem to have got the impression that she's kicking up a huge public stink! I don't see why anyone shouldn't be able to vent in private if they want. If anyone's in the wrong it should be me for posting in a public forum - but I was genuinely curious as to what people thought.

Your OP stated that:

Absinthe_Fairy wrote: »

My mam is absolutely fuming

Nobody made that up. You said it.:cool:

Absinthe_Fairy wrote: »

If anyone's interested, mam's aforementioned friend agreed with my mam, reckons it's disgraceful and says that she wouldn't dream of not inviting partners either (and she isn't the sort of person who would tell my mam she agreed if she didn't).

Really? Your cousin and his bride are behaving disgracefully by prioritising close friends and family over your cousin's girlfriend at their own wedding?

Your mum and her friend must have led very sheltered lives if this is the most disgraceful human behaviour they have ever encountered!

Absinthe_Fairy wrote: »

My belief is that it should be left up to the guest to decide if their GF/BF/spouse/lover is important enough to take to the wedding of a family member or close friend. For example if I got a boyfriend tomorrow I wouldn't feel comfortable with taking him to the wedding (hypothetically of course as I wouldn't be able to take him anyway ) as I think you should only take someone to a wedding if you're in a serious relationship - it's a bit full-on otherwise. However no one IMO has the right to judge how serious someone else's relationship is. This is where the Plus One comes in - so the guest can decide for themselves. However I can understand that table numbers would make this incredibly difficult.

Are you for real?! You claim that the issue you posted about has nothing to do with you/your family's inflated sense of self-importance, and yet you believe that each of you should be able to dictate a couple's guest list by deciding whether you would like to take up another space (at a cost to them), potentially for someone that they have never met?!

Torry_Quine wrote: »

The tradition is six weeks before. Even if I got an invite really early then due to OH work couldn't answer that far ahead.

I guess that might have worked years ago, but a lot of people I know wouldn't be able to attend a wedding with 6 weeks notice! People are more mobile now, so it's more likely that there might be guests who have had to travel from all over the country (eg university friends). Also, and this is definitely true of me, people have things planned most weekends (I'm booked up until Christmas and have been for a few weeks!).

Melancholly wrote: »

i've never been given that little notice. 3 to 6 months ahead is normal and with only a few weeks notice, i'd be really irritated at having to find travel and accommodation that close, as it would be more difficult and more expensive. and while the couple/their family may be paying for a wedding, it gets expensive for guests and i'd like time to budget for buying the gift and paying for anything else over a few months, not all just beforehand.

Agree with this. 6 weeks notice to put on your Sunday best, and walk 200 yards up the road to the village church for a wedding might have been sufficient, but with most weddings nowadays attending entails a bit more effort (and expense!).

split_second

sounds a very odd way round, we have day guests that have an invite to everything and night only guests.
if you are married, both partners are engaged, ditto engaged/long term relationship, if not then you get a +1, friend, partner, friend's partner.....we dont mind

split_second

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

I think it depends entirely on the 'make up' of the guests: our rule was that a plus one was given when the 'partner' in question was also considered a friend of ours too.

The only exceptions to this was where the initial guest would not know anyone else at the wedding. So ex work colleagues got a plus one, as did the odd schoolfriend...because it would be rude in those circumstances to have a guest 'floundering' with no-one else they knew there.

All this thread proves is that there's no hard and fast rule on the etiquette of weddings!

it really is a minefield isnt it? got two weddings to go to next year, will be busy at one as i am best man but another i will only know my fiance and my friend and my friend is in the same boat, when they had their housewarming it was just us two in the corner, only the bride's sister had a clue who we were :rotfl: