Would you be angry?

elvis86

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Actually, the invitation was addressed to the family so we asked if the girlfriend was included.

You're now saying that the invitation was addressed to your family, and suggesting that there was uncertaintly over whether this included the girlfriend. This isn't what your original post suggested:

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

we asked if girlfriend of 3 years could also come

This suggested to me that you knew fully well who the invite was intended for, and you asked of the girlfriend could also come, in addition to those who had already been invited.;)

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

This was a close family member, and I think I know my family better than you, a stranger does...

I should hope you do. Quite an odd thing to say, this being a somewhat anonymous internet forum.

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

It is called communication,something which my family is quite good at.

Your contradictory posts would suggest otherwise, at least where written communication is concerned!:D

Person_one

newcook wrote: »

actually it does. if the room they have chosen for the wedding breakfast is for a maximum of 50 people and they have invited 50 people they cannot go over that amount without having to change the room for a bigger capacity which usually means a lot more money.
while some may say 'oh, its just one more, that ok' its really not. if a fire was happen or someone tripped and hurt themselves the venue has no insurance to cover it because the capacity was over exceeded making it null and void.

Of course it matters, but it doesn't have anything to do with politeness. If you can only seat 50 you figure out who you want to invite but still bearing in mind the social unit rule. Its not an excuse to start being rude.

Scorpio33

For our wedding, we couldn't afford (and the venue didn't have the room) to invite all cousins and partners, so simply didn't invite cousins at all.

I personally think it is rude to invite someone to a wedding and not their partner, but each to their own.

The reasons for it could be a cost thing (trying to keep it strictly to family and close friends), but I suspect it may have to do with thier relation with the partner.

leanneq

I'm amazed that the OP thinks her cousin is being rude and displaying bad manners! I appreciate in her brothers eyes this is a serious relationship BUT it has only been a year so I wouldn't say its a long term relationship quite yet.
Weddings are damn expensive! I think she is doing her best to include her in the day by inviting her to the day as well as the evening.

elvis86

freemanl wrote: »

For our wedding, we couldn't afford (and the venue didn't have the room) to invite all cousins and partners, so simply didn't invite cousins at all.

I personally think it is rude to invite someone to a wedding and not their partner, but each to their own.

The reasons for it could be a cost thing (trying to keep it strictly to family and close friends), but I suspect it may have to do with thier relation with the partner.

But surely you can see that practically, this may prevent people from inviting a lot of guests that they would like to be there, in favour of people they barely know?

Eg. If the bride and groom each have 10 colleagues they would like to invite, but feel the need to invite partners too so as not to be "rude", this leaves them either accomodating 40 people in addition to family and friends, or not inviting their colleagues at all so as not to "offend" anyone by excluding their partners.

Olokia

I haven't read all the replies so correct me if I have made any mistakes. I disagree that she is being rude and I think you were rude in asking if the gf was invited. On the other hand, I can also sympathise with being annoyed as it happened to me.

My fiance's (bf at the time) cousin had a wedding and she only invited him and his mother. I was quite annoyed and asked if I should ask if they forgot me but people said it would be bad manners to ask.

At the time I had been living with him for about 5 years so it was a long term relationship. It would also have been a very good opportunity for me to meet his family as I only had met his mum and the parents of this cousin. (There are about another 5 aunts and uncles and loads of cousins I hadn't met).

Anyway I didn't mention it and I didn't get to go. I know for certain that it wasn't anything to do with money or space. They just forgot about me as I wasn't a wife or fiancee at the time.

I finally managed to meet the family at a memorial service a couple of months ago.

When it came around to making the guest list I really really wanted to leave her off and just invite the cousin but I wasn't allowed. :rotfl:

Person_one

elvis86 wrote: »

But surely you can see that practically, this may prevent people from inviting a lot of guests that they would like to be there, in favour of people they barely know?

Eg. If the bride and groom each have 10 colleagues they would like to invite, but feel the need to invite partners too so as not to be "rude", this leaves them either accomodating 40 people in addition to family and friends, or not inviting their colleagues at all so as not to "offend" anyone by excluding their partners.

That's life.

You know, technically, you can get married for less than £200 at a registry office. You're still just as married.

Plenty of people manage big parties for 150 on peanuts, they get the use of a pub function room for free and put on a buffet, I've been to weddings like this and they're just as happy an occasion as the posh ones with seat covers, string quartets and a £500 cake.

Please don't believe the wedding industry hype! It doesn't have to cost you a small fortune and you aren't entitled to behave badly because its your special day!

Scorpio33

The thing is its up to the people getting married who they invite.

But if I were invited to a wedding and not my wife, I would be offended. I think that if they knew me well enough to invite me, they should know (& want to invite) my wife too. That would count even if I was only with that person for a few months. If the friend/family were that close to me and practially they have yet to meet my partner, then they should trust my judgement that the partner is nice enough to come to the wedding.

A wedding is a celebration of a couple and a party to commence their life together. Personally, I would want people I like & know there, and if I like them that much, then I would have partners too. If that means missing a load of people off then fine. I would still invite all to the evening though, as there is no limit on the number of people to invite to the evening.

BugglyB

Person_one wrote: »

That's life.

You know, technically, you can get married for less than £200 at a registry office. You're still just as married.

Plenty of people manage big parties for 150 on peanuts, they get the use of a pub function room for free and put on a buffet, I've been to weddings like this and they're just as happy an occasion as the posh ones with seat covers, string quartets and a £500 cake.

Please don't believe the wedding industry hype! It doesn't have to cost you a small fortune and you aren't entitled to behave badly because its your special day!

Perhaps its because people don't want someone there that they don't know, or haven't met?

Personally I know my OH would be horrified, mortified at the idea of getting married in front of 150 people. Especially if I tried to explain to him it was because of the 'social unit' rule.

I dont think thats behaving badly, I think its common sense.

shellsuit

Would I be angry?

No, not at all!

It's their wedding and they can invite who they want.

It was rude to ask if the GF was invited, and I have no idea why your Mother is fuming as it's not her wedding!