Would you be angry?

elvis86

Person_one wrote: »

Yet funnily enough, at most weddings I go to (and I'm in the 25-30 age bracket, so its a lot!) spouses are invited and everybody still fits in the room and has a lovely time! You'd think that was impossible based on this thread...

Would you really invite all 70 colleagues? Honestly?

The point I was making is that most people know a lot of people. You could have the cheapest wedding or the biggest venue and a lot of people would still manage to fill it.

Realistically I wouldn't invite all 70 of my colleagues to my wedding, no. But I might if money was no object and I had a massive venue. Just like I might invite all number of acquaintances and "friends of friends" that I see out and about a lot.

But in real life, most people are limited by budget and/or venue, and I think that aside from obvious slights (eg a sibling who you get along well with excluding you from their wedding, despite inviting 150 others guests), people might be a bit more understanding, rather than mistakenly believing that the world revolves around them (and their kids/their kids' girlfriends) and flying off the handle..:cool:

Scorpio33

74jax wrote: »

In my office I work with 3 girls and a manager. I'm inviting 2 of the girls as we socialise outside of work, my OH has been out with their OH's, we call each other etc and do consider them close friends. The other girl is a strictly professional relationship. She will not socialise with us outside of work, we do still offer although know it will be a 'no thank you' and has said she see's us a colleagues not friends and that we don't have to keep asking her. Which is absolutely her place to decide that.

I don't see her outside of work, we don't call each other (i've been off work for 6 weeks and signed off for another 4 and I wouldn't text/email/call her) yet because the 2 people at work are coming I'm getting questioned over why I'm not inviting her..............

My point exactly. The two work colleagues you are inviting are invited as friends, not work colleagues. Just as you are not inviting the manager.

elvis86

freemanl wrote: »

I would be offended, as most people who I know would invite my wife. If she wasn't invited, I wouldn't go. The couple can invite who they choose, but if they knew me at all, they would know how I would feel.

In the case of collegues, for me it would be be a case of choosing between colleagues or family/friends. Personally I wouldn't invite colleagues to the day of a wedding, as I feel closer to friends/family. As I said, you can never please everyone.

Similarly, I wouldn't want to go to a colleagues wedding, as it should be close friends and family only.

As I said before though, each to their own. Whatever works for the couple.

But you're not saying "Each to their own", are you?

You're saying "Each to their own", on the proviso that people "know you" and know your feelings on the subject, and act accordingly, otherwise you will take offence.

If people are lucky enough to be able to work it so that they avoid excluding or upsetting anyway, and equally they are able to invite everybody they would like to be there, then good luck to them. I hope I manage it when it's my turn!

But unlike some, I'm broadminded enough to appreciate that it must be common to find yourself in a situation where you have to make tough decisions and exclude someone.

What some people seem to be saying, is that if someone would like them to share their special day, they must also invite their partner/kids/kids' partners, or else not bother inviting them at all.

newcook

freemanl wrote: »

The thing is its up to the people getting married who they invite.

But if I were invited to a wedding and not my wife, I would be offended. I think that if they knew me well enough to invite me, they should know (& want to invite) my wife too. That would count even if I was only with that person for a few months. If the friend/family were that close to me and practially they have yet to meet my partner, then they should trust my judgement that the partner is nice enough to come to the wedding.

so what would happen if (and pretending you are not married) you were single, were invited to the whole shi-bang, had R.S.V.P'd then 2 months before the wedding you got yourself a girlfriend - would you expect your invite to include your new girlfriend?!

newcook

elvis86 wrote: »

What some people seem to be saying, is that if someone would like them to share their special day, they must also invite their partner/kids/kids' partners, or else not bother inviting them at all.

in which case people still get the hump because they werent invited!!!! I'd just stick them on the list of 'must invite but wont come' list!

Scorpio33

elvis86 wrote: »

But you're not saying "Each to their own", are you?

You're saying "Each to their own", on the proviso that people "know you" and know your feelings on the subject, and act accordingly, otherwise you will take offence.

If people are lucky enough to be able to work it so that they avoid excluding or upsetting anyway, and equally they are able to invite everybody they would like to be there, then good luck to them. I hope I manage it when it's my turn!

But unlike some, I'm broadminded enough to appreciate that it must be common to find yourself in a situation where you have to make tough decisions and exclude someone.

What some people seem to be saying, is that if someone would like them to share their special day, they must also invite their partner/kids/kids' partners, or else not bother inviting them at all.

No, I am saying is everyone can have their own opinion and do what they like, doesn't mean I have to agree with it though.

As I said earlier, it is impossible pleasing everyone and you have to make choices.

If it was a choice between someone close to me or a partner of someone else (who is equally close), then of course I would chose the close friend and not the partner. Its just for me, if they were that close, then I would know their partner too, and would invite both people or neither.

The OP seems to be saying that they invited the cousin as they felt they had to, but then failed to invite the partner. If I were the cousin, I would take it that they really didn't want me there, and only turn up to the evening.

Torry_Quine

newcook wrote: »

so what would happen if (and pretending you are not married) you were single, were invited to the whole shi-bang, had R.S.V.P'd then 2 months before the wedding you got yourself a girlfriend - would you expect your invite to include your new girlfriend?!

I've never had a wedding invitation that early that I had replied more than two months before the date, so that definitely would never arise.

I do agree that it's strange not to invite a married couple together and wouldn't attend if my husband weren't invited.

Scorpio33

newcook wrote: »

so what would happen if (and pretending you are not married) you were single, were invited to the whole shi-bang, had R.S.V.P'd then 2 months before the wedding you got yourself a girlfriend - would you expect your invite to include your new girlfriend?!

In that case, the invite (& plans) were sent when I was single, so I would have to choose to go on my own or not at all.

I would probably go on my own, with the new girlfriend hopefully understanding enough to know that leaving them behind had nothing to do with them. I wouldn't dare phone up the bride & groom and ask them about my new girlfriend.

Then again, if they were that close to me then they would be aware of the girlfriend and would let me know if it would be practical to bring her or not. Perhaps when it came down to it, she would meet me there for the evening.

74jax

newcook wrote: »

so what would happen if (and pretending you are not married) you were single, were invited to the whole shi-bang, had R.S.V.P'd then 2 months before the wedding you got yourself a girlfriend - would you expect your invite to include your new girlfriend?!

I wouldn't. Even if I'd been with the OH for several months I wouldn't 'expect' an invite.

newcook

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I've never had a wedding invitation that early that I had replied more than two months before the date, so that definitely would never arise.

I do agree that it's strange not to invite a married couple together and wouldn't attend if my husband weren't invited.

wow really?!?! all the weddings Ive gone to I have been invited about 4 months before the 'big day'!