Would you be angry?

haras_nosirrah

Person_one wrote: »

That's the beauty of sticking to the rules of etiquette, its clear cut and it makes these decisions for you!

but what if you hate the live in partner of one cousin (I don't know - say he beats her up or something) but like the new girlfriend of another cousin you have met a couple of times.

Surely having who you want at your wedding is more important as ettiquete would say I have to have the wife beater and exclude the nice girlfriend.

claire16c

Wow thank god I got married abroad (and so could invite everyone as I knew they wouldnt all come) is all I can say! Its pretty clear all brides and grooms wherever they get married and whoever they invite or not invite are damned if they do and damned if they dont.

I do find it a bit odd to invite someone to half a wedding, I think its better to invite them to it all, or just the evening do, because I find inviting someone to the ceremony and then expecting them to go home and come back again for the evening annoying for them especially if its a wedding that isnt being held in the local area and what if the couple share a car how woul they physically get to a and b? However, I think its probably because they didnt want to not invite them, but couldnt afford for them to come to the meal so are trying to do the best they can.

I have been invited to a wedding from a work colleague in the past and it was my team who was invited to the evening do, but not our OHs, I think this was fair enough. One girl thought her husband should have been invited too and said she wasnt going to go because of that, but then that would have meant instead of inviting the 10 of us to his wedding, the groom would have been inviting 20 people - plus about 8 kids! Thats a huge difference.

As for people turning up who arent invited, that happened to my friend. She invited someone to the ceremony and wedding reception but not the meal. The lady went to the meal anyway. I think someone had to tell her sorry but there wasnt a space for her, totally embarassing for everyone involved. I guesshe didnt read her invite properly.

We had someone try to invite herself to our wedding, who I had never met before! But thankfully as it was in another country she couldnt just turn up on the day! I can't believe people do that.

Plans_all_plans

I really don't see how it's rude for the gf to be invited to the evening do only? By inviting her to this they're acknowledging that she's important to your brother.

Imagine the furore if she wasn't even invited to that; "she wasn't even invited to the buffet!" I really think the bride is getting too much stick over this.

The untold stress of weddings is unbelievable: I had a bit of a run in with my father in law over the guest list for our wedding. He has over 40 first cousins and is in touch with all of them. He really wanted them all to be invited!!! I actually said to him "if you want them all there, you can pay for them. I'm prepared to pay for the ones I know and see, but none of the others". It'd have opened a can of worms as my mum has over 30 first cousins and so she'd have wanted all hers there too!

My husband and I have 24 first cousins between us and inviting all of those was enough, without all their plus ones!

POPPYOSCAR

The same thing happened to us not that long ago but with a closer family member than cousins.

The invitation was to us as a family so we asked if girlfriend of 3 years could also come but was told only in the evening as are so limited on numbers, but was promised that if anyone could not make it, she would be the first to be invited. We understood and were happy with that.

Luckily for us someone did drop out and she was invited straight away.

I do feel sorry for some when organizing a wedding- you can never please everyone.

claire16c

bratz81 wrote: »

I'm getting married in June and I have to agree with someone else's comment that the guest list is the most stressful part of the wedding - so far it's the only stressful part of ours.
We have a limited budget of what we can afford to pay (Paying for it all ourselves) so are having to stick to that. Add in to this that my fiance has a large family and his mother is insisting on us having to invite certain people to the whole day. People who I haven't even met I'd have to add and who neither myself nor my fiance necessarily want there.

So, on the basis of this we can only afford to have 70 people and some of my friends are only invited to the evening do - I've explained why and they're ok with it. The only people getting a plus one to our wedding are married/engaged/living together couples, or the odd friend who doesn't know anyone else apart from me or my fiance.

My fiance's brother's gf isn't getting invited to the whole day (despite pressure) as they don't live together, I'd rather have family/friends there and we're already limited here, and she never speaks to us. Or anyone, she's rather odd. So I would assume that your cousin has similar reasons for not inviting your brother's gf.

Of course if my fiance was invited to a wedding without me I would in no way be 'fuming' or demand to know why I wasn't invited. I would never assume to be invited to a wedding and see any invite as an honour, not a right.

Unless she is paying for the entire thing there is no way I would let my MIL invite people I had met, over my friends. that is ridiculous!! Dont let her do that. Its your wedding, not hers!

Person_one

haras_nosirrah wrote: »

but what if you hate the live in partner of one cousin (I don't know - say he beats her up or something) but like the new girlfriend of another cousin you have met a couple of times.

Surely having who you want at your wedding is more important as ettiquete would say I have to have the wife beater and exclude the nice girlfriend.

You'll have lots of chances to meet the nice girlfriend, maybe you'll even go to their wedding!

Yes you have to invite the wife beater, unless there's a restraining order or something. You have to play nice with these people anyway until the wife is ready to leave and ask for help. Excluding him might result in violence directed at her.

haras_nosirrah

claire16c wrote: »

I do find it a bit odd to invite someone to half a wedding, I think its better to invite them to it all, or just the evening do, because I find inviting someone to the ceremony and then expecting them to go home and come back again for the evening annoying for them

We had the vast majority of our evening guests turn up at the church. They weren't specifically invited we just put on the bottom of the invite that if they would like to see the ceremony they are more than welcome and we made arrangements for them to be welcomed with a drink at the local pub where about 30 of them had a pub lunch and enjoyed the sunshine for the afternoon.

I don't think they are saying she has to go to the ceremony but if she wants to then she can. If she doesn't want to or if it is impractical she should decline the invitation to go - it is an invitation not an order.

keza

Just a little input from me. at my wedding last year, on my side of the family i invited one cousin but not the other simply because it costs so much and the cousin that wasnt invited never spoken to my now husband, never met and never asks how i am. havent seen him in years. this did cause upset and my uncle never came but the cousin i did invite did come to the wedding.

then we also had the issue similar to the OP's one, my husbands cousins boyfriend wasnt on the daytime list as ive never met him and DH didnt feel the need to invite him. grandad then steps in offering to pay but that isnt the only point, after the upset caused on my side of the family, its difficult to allow soemone we dont know to come.

in the end, the cousins boyf was invited but purely for a quiet life.

Weddings cost a small fortune and i personally wouldnt have anyone there who wasnt personal to me and my husband.

to that end, i dont think the OP's brothers girlf need to be invited to the daytime, just the evening. if she was a wife, then thats different. x

Tish_P

The couple have probably agonised over a suitable rule about what degrees of relationship / friendship they can invite and still fit in their budget, including how serious a partner has to be to be invited too. It may be marrieds only, or marrieds and cohabiting, or over 5 years together, or whatever. Having decided on that rule, they have to be scrupulously fair with it or others will complain.

From the fact that your brother's girlfriend got a separate invitation, rather than just being named on your brother's, I'd guess they like her enough to ask her along as a friend - it may even be that there may be other girl/boyfriends-of-cousins who aren't invited at all because the couple don't know them. I certainly wouldn't get angry about this. "Over a year" is not that long-term a relationship.

skypie123_2

I am a bride-to-be and after Xmas we are sending our invites out so I will be expecting this kind of nonsense at some point.
No-one is a guaranteed guest at a wedding not even the bride or grooms parents if they don't want them there!
Do you even know what goes into planning a wedding? The details, the planning and yes the cost too.
For our reception it will cost on average £160 per guest. Each, for the meal.
Strikes me that you've got a bit of a nerve getting angry about your brothers girlfriend not being asked. She isn't his wife, if she was you might have reason to be miffed but to be honest you cousin doesn't even have to invite you or your brother and they are paying for her to come to the evening do.
Weddings cost a fortune so just go along and enjoy it and be happy for them. It's about them, not you, your brother and his girlfriend!