Would you be angry?

big5

We invited my husband's cousin's boyfriend who we'd met once to our wedding, mainly because we knew she'd sulk if we didn't (as had happened at another family wedding). When we came back from our honeymoon 2 weeks later, we found out they'd split up.

Inviting married partners isn't much better though - my brother's now ex-wife was my matron of honour. :doh:

newcook

Person_one wrote: »

Room at the tables has nothing to do with anything.

actually it does. if the room they have chosen for the wedding breakfast is for a maximum of 50 people and they have invited 50 people they cannot go over that amount without having to change the room for a bigger capacity which usually means a lot more money.
while some may say 'oh, its just one more, that ok' its really not. if a fire was happen or someone tripped and hurt themselves the venue has no insurance to cover it because the capacity was over exceeded making it null and void.

claire16c

haras_nosirrah wrote: »

We had the vast majority of our evening guests turn up at the church. They weren't specifically invited we just put on the bottom of the invite that if they would like to see the ceremony they are more than welcome and we made arrangements for them to be welcomed with a drink at the local pub where about 30 of them had a pub lunch and enjoyed the sunshine for the afternoon.

I don't think they are saying she has to go to the ceremony but if she wants to then she can. If she doesn't want to or if it is impractical she should decline the invitation to go - it is an invitation not an order.

I agree. Thats why I said

"However, I think its probably because they didnt want to not invite them, but couldnt afford for them to come to the meal so are trying to do the best they can. "

Its up to her which bit she goes to.

BugglyB

Person_one wrote: »

Clairec79 is spot on.

Once a couple have made that public declaration you have to treat them as a 'social unit'. So in you're planning you just automatically count them both in, they come as a package and splitting them up isn't an option. (unless its for something single sex like the hen night!)

I'm afraid I just don't agree.

Next year I’m going to a work colleagues wedding, very excited to be invited, along with two others from our office. We socialise a lot together, we spend a lot of time at work together, we’re close. All three of us are going without our partners/husbands because they’re not invited. Why would they want to go? They haven’t even met the couple. Why would my friend want them there? Its just daft.

But, perhaps we just agree to disagree

newcook

Tish_P wrote: »

From the fact that your brother's girlfriend got a separate invitation, rather than just being named on your brother's, I'd guess they like her enough to ask her along as a friend - it may even be that there may be other girl/boyfriends-of-cousins who aren't invited at all because the couple don't know them. I certainly wouldn't get angry about this. "Over a year" is not that long-term a relationship.

I think she got a separate invite because the brothers is for the whole day and hers is for the evening. If she had been put on the brothers it would have been assumed she was an all day guest.

elvis86

bratz81 wrote: »

I'm getting married in June and I have to agree with someone else's comment that the guest list is the most stressful part of the wedding - so far it's the only stressful part of ours.
We have a limited budget of what we can afford to pay (Paying for it all ourselves) so are having to stick to that. Add in to this that my fiance has a large family and his mother is insisting on us having to invite certain people to the whole day. People who I haven't even met I'd have to add and who neither myself nor my fiance necessarily want there.

You don't have to invite anyone you don't want to? His mother has a nerve thinking she can dictate who gets invited, especially as she's not coughing up anything towards the wedding!

I think that parents can provide a valuable input when you're putting together the guest list, a collaborative effort would be nice if you can achieve it, and perhaps they should be allowed to have slightly more input if they're paying (eg "It would mean a lot to me if your great aunty Ethel could come, she was my favourite aunt as a child"). But at the end of the day it's your wedding!

Weddings aren't on my radar yet, but I'm damn sure that if I'm limited to a certain number of guests, my friends and those who mean the most to me will be prioritised over relatives that I barely speak to, regardless of what my mum or his thinks!

Think of it this way, if you and OH were buying a new car, would you feel obliged to get one in your mother-in-law's favourite colour?

You sound like a lovely girl trying to do her best to please everyone, which is admirable, but not at the cost of having the people you care about at your wedding. Good luck!

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

The same thing happened to us not that long ago but with a closer family member than cousins.

The invitation was to us as a family so we asked if girlfriend of 3 years could also come but was told only in the evening as are so limited on numbers, but was promised that if anyone could not make it, she would be the first to be invited. We understood and were happy with that.

Luckily for us someone did drop out and she was invited straight away.

Did it not occur to you how awfully rude this was?!:eek: Did you not appreciate that the bride and groom would've agonised over their guest list and that this girlfriend wouldn't have been omitted from the invitation without due consideration? I honestly can't comprehend that your natural reaction to receiving an invitation specifically addressed to W, X, Y and Z, is to ask if Z's girlfriend can come too!?

I bet they felt obliged to give her the next place after you put them on the spot and asked! Never mind that they were probably forced to prioritise her over someone closer to them. Honestly, some people!

Estateprincess

Surely it is the choice of the bride and groom who is there? It's THEIR wedding!

When one of my best friends married only us girls were invited to the reception, our partners were then all invited to the evening party. She knew all of our partners but only because they were our partners. Nobody thought anything of it, we all understood and everyone accepted their relevant invitations and enjoyed the day!

One of my many cousins married this year, she only invited two out of about 25 of us to the reception simply because we were the only ones that make an effort to keep in contact with her. Further more not all aunties and uncles were invited for the same reason! My sister was only invited to the evening do as were several other cousins. Some were not invited at all because she has only met them once or in some cases has never met them. Again nobody was upset, it was the choice of my cousin and her h2b.

I think it is unfair to force couples to invite people they have never met or would not normally associate with simply because they are family or partners of family!

If that were the case I would never be able to marry my bf as both of us come from very large families and would struggle to find a venue to fit everyone in! Let alone the friends that we would want to be there.

Brides and grooms should be given a break, weddings are stressful enough without people stropping over invites!

POPPYOSCAR

elvis86 wrote: »

You don't have to invite anyone you don't want to? His mother has a nerve thinking she can dictate who gets invited, especially as she's not coughing up anything towards the wedding!

I think that parents can provide a valuable input when you're putting together the guest list, a collaborative effort would be nice if you can achieve it, and perhaps they should be allowed to have slightly more input if they're paying (eg "It would mean a lot to me if your great aunty Ethel could come, she was my favourite aunt as a child"). But at the end of the day it's your wedding!

Weddings aren't on my radar yet, but I'm damn sure that if I'm limited to a certain number of guests, my friends and those who mean the most to me will be prioritised over relatives that I barely speak to, regardless of what my mum or his thinks!

Think of it this way, if you and OH were buying a new car, would you feel obliged to get one in your mother-in-law's favourite colour?

You sound like a lovely girl trying to do her best to please everyone, which is admirable, but not at the cost of having the people you care about at your wedding. Good luck!



Did it not occur to you how awfully rude this was?!:eek: Did you not appreciate that the bride and groom would've agonised over their guest list and that this girlfriend wouldn't have been omitted from the invitation without due consideration? I honestly can't comprehend that your natural reaction to receiving an invitation specifically addressed to W, X, Y and Z, is to ask if Z's girlfriend can come too!?

I bet they felt obliged to give her the next place after you put them on the spot and asked! Never mind that they were probably forced to prioritise her over someone closer to them. Honestly, some people!

Actually, the invitation was addressed to the family so we asked if the girlfriend was included. This was a close family member, and I think I know my family better than you, a stranger does. It is called communication,something which my family is quite good at. They were not 'forced' to do anything.In fact they had several people who did not go and were more than happy for her to come.

Hermia

If I ever get married I am going to elope! I have 17 aunts and uncles and 40+ cousins. If I invited all them and their partners and kids I would be paying the bill off for the rest of my life. My friend got married recently and it was £25 a head for the food and I can't believe how many distant relatives were asking to bring partners and step-kids and not caring that it would add another £100 to the bill. One of the problems where I live is that the town's registry office is quite small so I have had a few friends have problems because they couldn't invite their whole family to the ceremony. I've noticed an increase in people in my family running away to get married - I wonder why!

Jesswithwings

This thread reminds me of an episode of Friends when Monica kicked up a fuss cos she wasn't invited to the wedding of her female cousin, but Ross was. In the end Ross took Monica as his plus 1 and it turns out the reason why she wasn't invited to the wedding was because she'd slept with the groom

Not that I think your brother's girlfriend has slept with the groom but I do think you're over thinking this. DH has been invited to loads of weddings (uni mates etc) and i get an invite to the evening do only. Its fine, its a recession - people are struggling financially. Its not personal, its financial.