Betrayal my Husband - flirting online

ciderwithrosie_2

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Perhaps this partner's online activities are a spectator-sport rather than a prelude to actually getting out there and doing something with someone in the real world? Not that I've carried out any research or anything but I suspect that the type of man who puts a picture of his winkie on the net isn't the sort of man who'd get out there and find sex a partner by chatting one up in the pub.

In any case, I'd be more cut to the quick about the "unhappily married" part than the idea of him pleasuring himself while reading saucy messages from complete strangers. Mind you, if he called himself "happily married" it wouldn't necessarily be the right kind of bait for what he wants, would it?

That's pretty much what I thought too when I read the OP.

nickyhutch

I'm afraid my OH would be out on his ear and down the road if I found out he'd done this. I wouldn't even give him the chance to explain. Explain what, exactly? That he'd done something, knowing from previous experience that I found it heartbreaking? That he'd called himself "happily unmarried"? That he'd had saucy, secret chats with other women behind my back?

There's no explanation for that other than "I want other women" or "I want attention from other women", both of which don't fit in with my idea of a happy relationship. I'd be telling him he obviously isn't happy and fulfilled, and I don't want to live with someone I don't make happy or fulfill.

DUTR

at_my_wits_end wrote: »

Thanks all for your replies so far. Please keep them coming.
To answer some questions:

*No he would not think it was ok to sleep with a Prostitute
*We have money worries (yet he has subscribed to a £10 per month website)
*We have a child who can sometimes be very difficult and we clash on how to deal with this

Morning, have had a quick read of the thread, what often 'confuses' me in these sort of episodes, is that 10 yrs 20yrs together does not mean the rest of the relationship stops, children or not does not mean life stops, it may change but does not have to become mundane and 'boring' .
Always save some time and energy for each other (no excuses)
If you do as some others have suggested, give him his marching orders, he is already in the practice of lining up with somebody new, whilst an 80% chance you will be left with the children, which in itself will restrict your opportunities to move on.
It's not all about a bloke being after the woman and she takes a lifetime to decide if he is a substitute for Brad Pitt, love each other not judge one another :cool:

victory

Lack of respect comes through, so he is unhappy with himself as you say, why not talk to you, see a doc, what happened to a marriage being 50/50, why has he got to turn elsewhere again and hurt you again when he knew how much the first time hurt?

Did he learn nothing from the last time? People get unhappy with themselves but don't turn to online to make themselves happy and it is not now is it now you are so devastated?

His actions have destroyed your trust, you are so unhappy now, did he think of you and what the consequences would be whilst he was online?

you need to get to the bottom of this, sit, talk, shout and cry if needs be but do not let the situation carry on , make him give you an answer.

paddy's_mum

DUTR wrote: »

love each other not judge one another :cool:

While I agree with most of what you wrote in this response, I cannot let this line lie.

If my bloke poops on my head from a great height, not once but several times, I'm sure as hell gonna judge him!

If my neighbour molests his stepdaughter, I'm gonna judge him.

If my son in law gets smashed and belts seven bells out of my daughter, I'm gonna judge him.

Cruelty, deceit and treachery -whether from a swine of a spouse or a vicious boss - get judged. Surely human beings make judgements and learn from them?

I think the wife in this thread is ENTITLED to make a judgement about her husband's dishonest, disloyal and damaging behaviour ...no? :eek:

DUTR

paddy's_mum wrote: »

While I agree with most of what you wrote in this response, I cannot let this line lie.

If my bloke poops on my head from a great height, not once but several times, I'm sure as hell gonna judge him!

If my neighbour molests his stepdaughter, I'm gonna judge him.

If my son in law gets smashed and belts seven bells out of my daughter, I'm gonna judge him.

Cruelty, deceit and treachery -whether from a swine of a spouse or a vicious boss - get judged. Surely human beings make judgements and learn from them?

I think the wife in this thread is ENTITLED to make a judgement about her husband's dishonest, disloyal and damaging behaviour ...no? :eek:

I agree, I'm not sure it is all his fault though (could be the bits missing from the episode) even when I'm loved up , I still talk and possibly flirt with others, it doesn't mean it is going to lead to anything physical (and nor should it) . I would like to feel envious of everybody in a relationship, but reading some of the posts leads me to wonder why many bother if life then becomes work during the week, paying bills , being in debt and watching tv

nickyhutch

DUTR wrote: »

If you do as some others have suggested, give him his marching orders, he is already in the practice of lining up with somebody new, whilst an 80% chance you will be left with the children, which in itself will restrict your opportunities to move on.
It's not all about a bloke being after the woman and she takes a lifetime to decide if he is a substitute for Brad Pitt, love each other not judge one another :cool:

I'd rather be left alone with the children than stay with someone who went ahead and did something he knew would hurt me, someone who actively sought out other women, who sneaked around behind my back.

I'm afraid I would judge him, if he did all this.

nickyhutch

DUTR wrote: »

I agree, I'm not sure it is all his fault though (could be the bits missing from the episode) even when I'm loved up , I still talk and possibly flirt with others, it doesn't mean it is going to lead to anything physical (and nor should it) . I would like to feel envious of everybody in a relationship, but reading some of the posts leads me to wonder why many bother if life then becomes work during the week, paying bills , being in debt and watching tv

He's doing a bit more than talking and flirting, isn't he? If OP doesn't like him "talking and flirting", and he's asked for forgiveness before and promised not to do it again, then she's every right to be angry and hurt when she finds he is doing it again.

Welshwoofs

DUTR wrote: »

. I would like to feel envious of everybody in a relationship, but reading some of the posts leads me to wonder why many bother if life then becomes work during the week, paying bills , being in debt and watching tv

I wouldn't want to stay in a relationship which was that boring; but having a husband/partner sign themselves up to sex-finder sites doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is boring...it could just mean that he's a total !!!!!! who thrives on the 'thrill' of trying to get his end away behind his wife's back without being caught. There's plenty of people like that...men and women.

Mupette

at_my_wits_end wrote: »

Hi,

I don't know where to turn, but feel like my Husband has betrayed my trust (again) and unsure what to do for the best.

Together for over 11 years, Married for 4. We have 3 Children together.

Before we got married, I discovered messages on his works mobile from another woman, very explicit flirty messages. I was shell shocked and felt like my heart had been ripped out (our youngest child was only 4 months old at the time). He sweared that nothing had phsyically happened, and that he was sorry, only did it for the attention etc etc. Like a fool, I believed him and we got married, put the past behind us...fresh start and all that.

Yesterday I found he had another secret email account. In this email folder were lots of messages from people on 'no strings' sex websites. On these websites he has listed himself as 'unhappily married', he has put explicit photo's of himself on and has been 'dirty chatting' to other women. Again he swears blind that nothing has phsyicaly happened (and to some degree I believe him as I don't know when or where he would have the time for this). He is apparently very sorry and 'loves' me and doesn't want me to leave him. Again he is saying he did this for the feeling of being 'wanted' and the excitement (I can not understand this as I am not a cold heartless cow, I am a very loving person and thought we had a good sex life etc)

I do not know what to do. I don't really want to split up and break my family up, on the other hand, I do not want to live with someone who clearly has no respect whatsoever and feel that I deserve better than this and that I am being taken for a t*at!

I keep asking why would he do this again if he loved me? after he saw how heartbroken I was last time.

What do I do? I was always led to believe that trust is the most important factor in a relationship, now we have none.

EDIT to add: When I kept asking my Husband WHY he has done this, he says it's because he is unhappy with himself.

not had time to read all replys

you have a choice, get rid of him and start afresh,
so it will be hard at the start, but then again you won't have to worry about his childish behavior, he did it once and he did it again, how many times will you let him get away with his.. wake up, get some self respect for you and walk away

or stay with him knowing he is selling himself as unhappy in a marriage and displaying is 'wares' all over the net for his own sexual gain and stuff you kind of attitude, he is always going to say he is sorry as he has a cushy life with you.