Betrayal my Husband - flirting online

victor2

Is he the sort of person who thinks (especially when amongst his mates) it is OK to pay for a prostitute?
It sounds like he is.
Put that to him and assuming you can't accept that attitude, tell him to leave.
Don't bluff him though, you have to be prepared to live your life without him.

k3lvc

I'm taking a guess that there's a big male/female divide in the respondents

at_my_wits_end

Thanks all for your replies so far. Please keep them coming.
To answer some questions:

*No he would not think it was ok to sleep with a Prostitute
*We have money worries (yet he has subscribed to a £10 per month website)
*We have a child who can sometimes be very difficult and we clash on how to deal with this

gratefulforhelp_2

at_my_wits_end wrote: »

EDIT to add: When I kept asking my Husband WHY he has done this, he says it's because he is unhappy with himself.

I imagine he's right.

victor2 wrote: »

Is he the sort of person who thinks (especially when amongst his mates) it is OK to pay for a prostitute?
It sounds like he is.

I'm not really sure why or how you make that leap?

OP I'm not sure that this is a sign of anything wrong. If I have any understanding of men at all (a big IF!) some men/people will use this as a kind of recreation, and he may be keeping it from you only because he knows it will upset you.

That's not to say that you shouldn't feel hurt/betrayed/angry but just that it may not be sinister. x

davetrousers

Triker wrote: »

Fool me once, more fool you, fool me twice, more fool me....sorry couldn't think of anything more succinct.

How will quoting George W Bush Help?

pinkshoes

at_my_wits_end wrote: »

On these websites he has listed himself as 'unhappily married', he has put explicit photo's of himself on and has been 'dirty chatting' to other women. Again he swears blind that nothing has phsyicaly happened

Cheating doesn't have to be physical!

Clearly the guy doesn't want to be with you any more, as why else would he list himself as "unhappily married"?

I'd tell him to pack a bag and move out, as you're not a door mat, have given him one chance already, and you need some space.

victor2

at_my_wits_end wrote: »

*We have money worries (yet he has subscribed to a £10 per month website)

So he wants more from the marriage than he is getting - and it's worth £10/month for him to find pleasure elsewhere.
Successful marriages are give and take IMO, but it sounds like he wants to take more than he's giving. Going behind your back because he thinks he can get away wih it.

paddy's_mum

at_my_wits_end wrote: »

I don't really want to split up and break my family up

No - but he does .... or is he so thick that he can't work out what your next step is likely to be? Without trust, you have nothing. I'm sorry for your heartache and wish you luck in sorting it all out.

ktb

What happened to people taking responsibility for their actions, even if they are triggered by something not being 100% mentally? If the reason he feels he acts this way is truly low self esteem and thrill seeking, he should have taken some responsibility for himself and sought help after the 1st occasion, when his actions deeply hurt his wife (if not before) rather than further acting out in ways that can only serve to wound and damage his family!

I am all for people with genuine mental health problems being diagnosed and treated, but there is also every chance that he is just someone that is just not prepared to take responsibility for his actions and their effect on the people that care most about him.

Do you want your kids to be brought up in a home where their parents go round and round in destructive cycles?? Although I presume the kids aren't really aware of things right now, you risk setting a less than ideal example to them of how grown ups should interact with each other if nothing changes.

You could try couples counselling to trash this out and as a bonus the counsellor will also be able to help if your husband is indeed genuinely depressed and help him get treatment for that if required.

BitterAndTwisted

Perhaps this partner's online activities are a spectator-sport rather than a prelude to actually getting out there and doing something with someone in the real world? Not that I've carried out any research or anything but I suspect that the type of man who puts a picture of his winkie on the net isn't the sort of man who'd get out there and find sex a partner by chatting one up in the pub.

In any case, I'd be more cut to the quick about the "unhappily married" part than the idea of him pleasuring himself while reading saucy messages from complete strangers. Mind you, if he called himself "happily married" it wouldn't necessarily be the right kind of bait for what he wants, would it?