Betrayal my Husband - flirting online

Welshwoofs

All I can say is that all the cases I personally know of (including my own ex) where attached men went on sex finder sites, the result was that they did actually end up having sex with other women.

The thing is, if you listen to the blather and forgive there's a danger that he takes that as a signal that going that far 'wasn't too bad' and so that level of activity becomes the norm and when that gets boring the boundaries get pushed just a little bit more.

I'd say the fact that he's gone to the trouble if creating a secret mail account and actually signing up to a paid service is a massive, massive warning sign. If it were mere titillation, wouldn't he simply be looking at free !!!!!!?

It doesn't sound as though he wants to split up with you, but it does sound as though he may want to have his cake and eat it.

thegirlintheattic

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Perhaps this partner's online activities are a spectator-sport rather than a prelude to actually getting out there and doing something with someone in the real world? Not that I've carried out any research or anything but I suspect that the type of man who puts a picture of his winkie on the net isn't the sort of man who'd get out there and find sex a partner by chatting one up in the pub.

In any case, I'd be more cut to the quick about the "unhappily married" part than the idea of him pleasuring himself while reading saucy messages from complete strangers. Mind you, if he called himself "happily married" it wouldn't necessarily be the right kind of bait for what he wants, would it?

I agree with this really. If he doesn't meet these women, imo it's not much different to !!!!!!.

candygirl

There seems to be so many of these threads, involving blokes playing away either virtually or irl lately:(:(
It's so easy for them to click a few buttons and get off on it, but so disloyal and wrong imo:mad::mad:To actually pay to go on a site, and show your bits is soooo wrong on all levels:mad::mad::mad:

flutterby_lil

Has he apologised?

Has he tried to make it up to you and tell you how much he loves you and it will never happen again?

Or is he the "woe is me, i'm struggling with, blah blah blah" excuse type.

Sounds to me he is using this as an excuse for you to look like the bad girl and tear the family apart as he is a coward. He is now feeling guilty he has been caught out.

I bet he thinks you will leave and he will be off the hook and can do what he likes. I bet you will always be checking the history of the pc and his emails, texts now. Not a good way to have a relationship, let alone a marriage with kids.

Think of yourself. If your daughter came and told you in 20 years time that her husband had done this, what would your advice be?? I don't think you would be encouraging her to stay fr her families sake?

shellsuit

Welshwoofs wrote: »

All I can say is that all the cases I personally know of (including my own ex) where attached men went on sex finder sites, the result was that they did actually end up having sex with other women.

The thing is, if you listen to the blather and forgive there's a danger that he takes that as a signal that going that far 'wasn't too bad' and so that level of activity becomes the norm and when that gets boring the boundaries get pushed just a little bit more.

I'd say the fact that he's gone to the trouble if creating a secret mail account and actually signing up to a paid service is a massive, massive warning sign. If it were mere titillation, wouldn't he simply be looking at free !!!!!!?

It doesn't sound as though he wants to split up with you, but it does sound as though he may want to have his cake and eat it.

It's not often at all I agree with you WW, but in this instance, I agree with you all the way.

The bloke should be on his knees, begging for forgiveness.

He should be cancelling his subscription and deleting his secret email address.

You are his wife. If he is down on himself, he should be able to talk to you about it, not get his kicks online and pay for the priviledge too!

I don't know what to suggest, apart from actions speak louder than words.

Ziggazee

I'm sorry, but the man clearly has no respect for you or your life together. My advice would be to get out now.......yes, you'll be breaking up the family, but at least you'll be walking away with some dignity and respect. IMO if you stay with this man things will never change, he's got away with it twice, and you'll end up losing every bit of self respect and confidence you have. Trust me, I've been there. (((((hugs)))))

MarilynMonroe_2

If he is sorry then I think he should give up the internet, at least for a few months and delete his email accounts etc.
See how things go when he doesnt have the oportunity anymore.

I know a couple who were going through what you are and thats what he did, he just didnt use it anymore - it's like an addiction and he needs to go cold turkey. They are now married with a child so it worked out for them.

Good Luck x

shashaply

Do you want your kids to be brought up in a home where their parents go round and round in destructive cycles??

renegade

So sorry to read your problem, but I have to say, you have answered the question yourself...Trust has gone, once that's gone you cannot build on this relationship it will happen again and again. I feel you deserve better that this and for the sake of your own self esteem and peace of mind, it would better to split now rather than later.
Take care and best wishes.

determined_new_ms

hi op sorry to hear that things are really difficult for you right now, last thing you need when you've got 3 kids to look after and worried about finances. from your couple of posts I think you have 3 problems
1. obviously what he is doing online. I think only you can decide how you feel about this. Someone said it is cheating and a lot of people will see it this way but only you can decide what your standard of cheating is - it does sound like you consider this to be cheating though. Then if you do think this is cheating you need to decide if this is a line that has been crossed and what the consequences of that are. you might not be able to make a decision about that until you work out your feelings & stop being confused about the situation
2. you have financial problems - and he is not helping by spending his money on this
3. (most concerning for me) is one of ur children's behaviour is difficult to manage and you are not working as a team to change this.

to me a marriage or relationship is about being a team and working together to have a good life but in all of the issues it seems that you guys are not working together, maybe that is the crux of the problem and counselling may help - it may also make you think you want to throw ur hand in and try again. But only you and time can decide this. REally sending you lots of support x