Am I being unreasonable?

FBaby

shellsuit wrote: »

See, in our house, it would just go without saying that if my husband had a day off and one of the kids (my 2) needed taking somewhere, he'd do it no questions asked.

And that is where we operate differently. It goes both ways though. I get along absolutely brilliantly with his elderly mum to whom he is very close, however, if I had a day off and she happened to need to be taken somewhere, I would expect to be asked rather than be taken for granted that because I am off I should be taking her. I would always do it but that's because I want to, not because I consider that I SHOULD do it and that's how I want it with my OH, him to do things because he wants to, not because he has to on the basis that we live together. My kids dads and I do get the duties of doing things whether we want to or not though because we are their parents and always will be.

shellsuit

FBaby wrote: »

And that is where we operate differently. It goes both ways though. I get along absolutely brilliantly with his elderly mum to whom he is very close, however, if I had a day off and she happened to need to be taken somewhere, I would expect to be asked rather than be taken for granted that because I am off I should be taking her. I would always do it but that's because I want to, not because I consider that I SHOULD do it and that's how I want it with my OH, him to do things because he wants to, not because he has to on the basis that we live together. My kids dads and I do get the duties of doing things whether we want to or not though because we are their parents and always will be.

Then why would you need to be asked if you would always do it anyway?

Big_Alf

euronorris wrote: »

I don't see how you can have a relationship with the Mother (or father - whatever the case may be), and live with them all as a family, without being involved in the things you describe above.

I don't see how that could work long term.

If he doesn't wear the pants, or even occupy one leg as in most stable relationships then it would be feasible.

Personally I don't think I could be with a partner who can so easily take a back seat when it comes to reinforcing certain morals and standards of behaviour that they believe in. As someone touched on earlier, if you don't share these same values then you are probably mismatched to begin with.

FBaby

shellsuit wrote: »

Then why would you need to be asked if you would always do it anyway?

I think it is called decency and avoids the feeling of being taken for granted? Saves on arguments if for once I can't or don't feel like doing it for whichever reason!

peachyprice

FBaby wrote: »

So what would happen in such a situation where you visit some schools and you feel very strongly your child should go to one particular school. Your ex agrees with you, but your OH strongly believes the other school would be better. You discussed it, you might start to see your OH point of view, but your ex doesn't. What do you do? In such a case scenario, in my view, there is no doubt that the parents' view should have precedence.

We would discuss it, between us all, all sides would put their points accross, we reach a decision we're all happy with. I can't see where a problem would arise TBH, my OH wouldn't be pig ignorant enough to believe that his views were more important that two other peoples.

FBaby wrote: »

. One thing I would never say is 'OH, the appointment is on your day off, so I expect you will be taking DD'.

.

But it shouldn't need saying. The appointment goes on the calendar, OH is off and see's it's there so wouldn't expect me to have to ask him to take my child, he would just offer.

shellsuit

FBaby wrote: »

I think it is called decency and avoids the feeling of being taken for granted? Saves on arguments if for once I can't or don't feel like doing it for whichever reason!

Say for example you know his Mum goes shopping on a Monday and you know that your OH will be busy on a particular Monday, you wouldn't just say to your OH that you'd pick his Mum up to do her shopping because you're free? You'd wait to see if you're asked first?

It all sounds like hard work to me.

But saying that, you live your life how it works for you and I live mine how it works for me. You're not right or wrong and neither am I, I'd just expect a family living together to act like one, whether there were stepkids or not.

FBaby

shellsuit wrote: »

It all sounds like hard work to me.

ha ha, i think the same of the other way round! You are right though it depends on each other's lives. Mine and my OH are very busy, we both work full-time, so no, we can't always know what the other is doing at all time, let alone our dependents! So yes, we ask on that basis, but not only. I really do think that many couple take each other for granted, just assumed that the other will do things because they should and I really do believe that this one reason why some marriage fell. It's a horrible feeling to be taken for granted.