Am I being unreasonable?

shellsuit

The ex does have a point though.

If the 12yo lives with you and your partner for part of the week, why aren't you responsible for him too?

Isn't that part and parcel of being in a relationship with someone who has children?

Has your partner never taken responsibility for your son?

scheming_gypsy

clearingout wrote: »

I don't think that's true. Thousands spend every other weekend with one parent and the other for 2 weeks in between (unless there is a mid-week overnight, which is also common). Would you like to spend half your life in one house and the other half in another house? I know I wouldn't.

.

Thousands live on the streets of Africa eating dust.
Thousands live with one parent and never see the other
Thousands are abandonned
thousands do it how i said
thousands do it how you said

There are lots of different scenarios where children do or don't see parents. Whether they see them once during the week, stay one weekend a fortnight or slit their time equally. There are no set rules and the kid has probably been doing it since he was 7 so it's not a big change.

peachyprice

clearingout wrote: »

I don't think that's true. Thousands spend every other weekend with one parent and the other for 2 weeks in between (unless there is a mid-week overnight, which is also common). Would you like to spend half your life in one house and the other half in another house? I know I wouldn't.

I think that really does depend on circumstances. IMO it's far better for a child to have two 'proper' homes and spend half his life in one and half in the other than having one 'proper' home but having to make do at the other home as he's there so little that it's not his home at all.

clearingout

peachyprice wrote: »

I think that really does depend on circumstances. IMO it's far better for a child to have two 'proper' homes and spend half his life in one and half in the other than having one 'proper' home but having to make do at the other home as he's there so little that it's not his home at all.

I would agree that two homes are, in the majority of cases, better than one, yes. But that doesn't mean that every child in that situation is comfortable living between the two homes.

My own children found that unsettling (although much younger) and I suspect that was as much to do with a girlfriend who made it very clear they weren't welcome in 'her' home (owned jointly by both myself and my ex at the time!) as with the to-ing and fro-ing. They no longer see their dad for long and complicated reasons (and reasons I'm not sure I understand) but one of those reasons is, I believe, a girlfriend who didn't accept them so dad made a choice between his children and her. They are far happier in one home only which is why I'm suggesting 'shared care' isn't for everyone. It's a balancing act and not easy.

LandyAndy

Another vote for completely unreasonable for all the reasons put forward above.

The idea that an adult can happily look after two children for one evening but not look after three is ludicrous.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

another voter for the "your being unreasonable" side of things im afraid.

My OH has looked after my DD for me on occassion - once he even booked time off work so i could go to a conference with my work and had DD all day for me.

This is one night out of your life - a time to bond with the child. No wonder he is messed up when no one seems to want him!

sarahk100574

I'm in agreement that you are being unreasonable.

It seems very odd to me that you will happily take care of one sibling, but not another? You have one child; trust me if you had another you would hit the roof if someone treated them differently in this way...

Unreasonable, and really just NOT NICE at all....:(

GobbledyGook

If the child is a 'nightmare' then I do hope he is unaware of this scenario because I doubt feeling that neither your mother or step-mother want you (as this scenario would feel to a 12 year old) around would help the situation any.

Poor kid.

scheming_gypsy

Lets just hope nothing happens to the mum!

heretolearn_2

something tells me the OP won't be back on this thread