Am I being unreasonable?

Spendless

It's upto your OH to find a 'babysitter'. It is his night to have him. He has plans that don't include him. He has asked you and you refuse to have his child. It is upto your OH to find an alternative solution.
I do hope though that if you are put in the position where your 15yo's father can't have him, and you are doing something, that it is entirely reasonable for your OH to refuse to look after your son.

Ziggazee

It's upto your OH to find a 'babysitter'. It is his night to have him. He has plans that don't include him. He has asked you and you refuse to have his child. It is upto your OH to find an alternative solution.

Eh? And here was me thinking they were a family unit!!!

Spendless

Ziggazee wrote: »

Eh? And here was me thinking they were a family unit!!!

The child is on 'dad's time'. Eg if the 12 yo's mother was going out during the 4 nights he lives at mums, it would be upto Mum to sort something out. If mum had a live-in partner that refused to have him (like the OP is doing) then it would be upto mum to sort out an alternative.

Personally I don't think it's on that the OP is refusing to have her 'step-son' and I said as much in my reply (the bit you didn't quote), but the person responsible for sorting it out is Dad. Dad's place is where child should be stopping. Dad is the parent 'in charge' for that day, which includes sorting out where his 12 yo goes and who watches him when his partner won't.

rachbc

Another who thinks you are being unreasonable sorry. My oh regularly looks after my son as does his step mum (despite gave 2 under 3s). If you are refusing to do it it is dads not mms responsibility to sort other arrangements - though I can imagine it would be a bit dd getting a babysitter into look after 12 yo whilst you are in the house with 15 yo and your child

Furny

I'd take them all along to a movie store & choose 1 or 2 d.v.d's they can all agree on & get some munchies & turn the lights down low, blankets over you all & all relax together the night will pass before you know it & I'm sure you will have little problem with the 12yr old.
My 12 yr old step son came to stay for the weekend and we did this & the boys loved it & we didn't hear a peep out of them!, simple but effective.:D
Personally I don't think its worth causing a scene over just for a few hours I'm sure the thought of having the 12yr old without your hubby is worse than the reality especially if you do an activity like above.

clearingout

ellay864 wrote: »

After XH and I split, nothing got me more angry than when he said he had plans and couldn't have our boys on 'his' nights/weekends and his partner wouldn't take them without him there. I had no family support so the only times I could do anything was when he had the kids (unless I had to pay out for a babysitter). Maybe his ex had also arranged something as she wasn't meant to be looking after him that night. After 5 years with him I don't think it's at all unreasonable to expect that you could look after him

I think that about sums it up. It is not unreasonable that a parent arranges to go out, buys tickets or just have a night in on their own on 'their time'. In my own situation, I can name several occasions where my ex has simply refused to have the children and I have lost money on a weekend away or theatre tickets or had to not go out with friends. It is very, very unfair. OP - if you are good enough to live with, then you're good enough to look after the children. If you refuse and I were your partner, I would be seriously questioning your long term commitment to the relationship and my children. I know that's harsh, and I realise it must be horrible having a 'bit of a nightmare' child around that isn't yours, but the ex is right, that is part of being in a relationship with someone who has children.

scheming_gypsy

purpleprince wrote: »

to be honest his 12 year old is a bit of a nightmare.

it's no surprise when his 'step' mum doesn't want to look after him for a few hours.

Seanymph

I don't see it as his mum not wanting to look after him - they have arranged access, a schedule, and this isn't her time. The kids Dad needs a sitter, so he asked the mum who said no - she's quite right, she wants to stick to the agreement and all power to her elbow.

What I don't understand is the OP - I'd get it if they'd been together months, but 5 years! They are a blended family, I live with OH and we both parent whoever is there At one point we had five teens, now we are down to three......... but like any family sometimes he's at home and sometimes I am - this morning I am taking HIS son to school and he is waiting in for the workmen who are due here at 8.30........ it's how you work it, you both look after all the kids.

Another vote for unreasonable here I'm afraid.

gratefulforhelp_2

OP what did your partner say when you discussed it?

tattycath

Sorry but after 5 years together, i think you're being unreasonable too-it's one night, and if he's 'troublesome' maybe you and your OH should be trying to get to the bottom of it and try to resolve it. At 12 he's not too young to understand basic ground rules-personally I don't think you looking after him for 1 night should be a problem.