Am I being unreasonable?

adamantine

i doubt she will be back either. totally unreasonable and not a very nice way to treat her step-son!

FBaby

As a separate parent, i would never just expect my partner to look after one of my children. Parents are responsible, not step-parents. However, I have to say that in this case scenario, if my partner just said no without good reason (he already had plans etc...), I would feel quite offended, worried as to why my partner wouldn't be prepared to help me as a one off, worried as to how they felt about my child.

shellsuit

FBaby wrote: »

As a separate parent, i would never just expect my partner to look after one of my children. Parents are responsible, not step-parents. However, I have to say that in this case scenario, if my partner just said no without good reason (he already had plans etc...), I would feel quite offended, worried as to why my partner wouldn't be prepared to help me as a one off, worried as to how they felt about my child.

I disagree.

If 2 adults want to be in a relationship and they have children, then they are both responsible and so is the other parent of the children.

Why wouldn't you expect your partner to look after one of your children?

If that's the way you feel, what is the point in your relationship? That's a serious question by the way.

elvis86

shellsuit wrote: »

I disagree.

If 2 adults want to be in a relationship and they have children, then they are both responsible and so is the other parent of the children.

Why wouldn't you expect your partner to look after one of your children?

If that's the way you feel, what is the point in your relationship? That's a serious question by the way.

I agree. IMO your kids should be the most important thing in your life, quite how you can then maintain a relationship with someone, move them into your home, and yet have no expectation that they should help out with your kids, is beyond me?

Where does it end? When OH goes shopping, do they refrain from buying groceries for the kids? When OH cooks dinner, is it accepted that they fail to cook enough for the kids? Does OH refuse to pop a slice of toast in for the kids at breakfast time? Does OH seperate the kids' washing from their own when doing the laundry?

I've seen people attempt to do it, but you simply can't have a relationship and cohabit with a single parent and not take on their kids to a certain degree.

scheming_gypsy

FBaby wrote: »

As a separate parent, i would never just expect my partner to look after one of my children. Parents are responsible, not step-parents. .

Now I don't even want my own kids and would prefer not to inherit somebody elses kid as part of a package deal. BUT if I did meet somebody and she had a kid and we ended up living together, it'd be my responsibility to be a father figure to the brat and that includes looking after 'it' if and when needed and not just palming them off because I'm not their dad.


edit - by 'it' I mean there'll be one kid - no more. I'm not referring to a kid as an 'it'

shellsuit

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

Now I don't even want my own kids and would prefer not to inherit somebody elses kid as part of a package deal. BUT if I did meet somebody and she had a kid and we ended up living together, it'd be my responsibility to be a father figure to the brat and that includes looking after 'it' if and when needed and not just palming them off because I'm not their dad.

Well said you! :T

If my husband wouldn't do something for one of my 2, because he was only their stepfather and not their biological father, he'd be out on his ear!

Me and the kids came as a package and he knew that when we met. If I thought for one minute that he wouldn't treat them like his own, we wouldn't be together now.

Luckily for us all, he does, infact he has done far more for my 2 than their Dad has done in all of their lives.

FBaby

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

Now I don't even want my own kids and would prefer not to inherit somebody elses kid as part of a package deal. BUT if I did meet somebody and she had a kid and we ended up living together, it'd be my responsibility to be a father figure to the brat and that includes looking after 'it' if and when needed and not just palming them off because I'm not their dad.


edit - by 'it' I mean there'll be one kid - no more. I'm not referring to a kid as an 'it'

This is something I strongly disagree with. You would not be a father to these children not a father figure purely on the basis that you are living with their mum. It might be that with time and various things happening in their and your life, this a natural move towards taking a more responsible role towards them, but it i do not agree this is a right that comes automatically. I see the role of being responsible as a life long one, that comes with being a parent, not a right because you happen to share the same household.

What happens if the father disagree with the step-father views on disciplining? Say SF considers it acceptable to slap child when he has been naughty but father is totally against physical punishment? To be, the answer is clear, it is for parents to decide together, not step-parents. Children owe step-parents respect and obedience, step-parents owe children respect towards them and both their parents.

FBaby

shellsuit wrote: »

If I thought for one minute that he wouldn't treat them like his own, we wouldn't be together now.

But they are NOT his own.... I think it is great when a SD grow to love the children as much as if they were his own, but to expect it is wrong in my eyes. My partner doesn't have children, but if he did and the condition to be with me would be for me to love his children as if they were my own, as that would be the equivalent of blackmail in my eyes.

Relationships between step-parents and children can be very rewarding without the step-parent automatically taking on a parental role.

scheming_gypsy

As i'd be living with the kids mum i wouldn't be taking it on as my own role to make all the decisions.
They also wouldn't be moving in straight after I met her, so it would be a gradual progession and not automatic.

scheming_gypsy

FBaby wrote: »

Relationships between step-parents and children can be very rewarding without the step-parent automatically taking on a parental role.

I don't know how you work your relationships but most don't move in together between the soup and main course. You don't become a step parent as soon as you start seeing the kids parent.