Is this rude, or is it just me?!?

QuackQuackOops

Moominmamma wrote: »

It was my dd's birthday yesterday and she had a joint party with a friend from her class at the local swimming pool. Altogether we had invited 30 odd kids, most of whom are friends with both of the girls as they're in the same class.

As of yesterday afternoon we'd had 13 replies to say kids were coming to the party, and 3 to say they weren't able to. The rest of the parents didn't have the courtesy to bother replying at all and yet 27 kids turned up to the party!!

Is it just me, or is it perfectly acceptable not to bother RSVPing to a party invite and then to just off-load your off-spring on the day?!? Surely these people realise that it's kinda handy to know how many you're catering for, how many party bags you need etc?

And to add insult to injury, I completely appreciatre times are hard and all that and wasn't expecting loads of lavish presents but some of the kids turned up without even a card :eek:

Personally I find this kind of thing outrageously rude, AIBU?

I think its you who is expecting too much to be honest.

How do you know that the Mums had not sent the slip back with their child and the child or your child lost it in transit?
Some people don't always reply and you will always find that with every party you have.
So, you should always cater for the ones you invite unless you know they are not coming for definite.

As for complaining about cards or presents, I think that is quite a selfish attitude.

When you invite a child to a party you are inviting them to come and make YOUR child's birthday good fun. Expecting a return on that is wrong imo. Having said that, I dont agree with party bags either. A child should not come to a party expecting to be sent home with a bag of stuff, but that is a trend that pretentious Mothers have long since set. Not everyone has money spare for party bags.

Abbafan1972

patchwork_cat wrote: »

This sort of thing is sad but true, was a thread on here not very long ago on exactly the same topic. It is disgusting that people turn up without a present, too. Have had this too even had one woman come to my baby shower without a gift and definitely no RSVP.

You can't excuse a lack of knowledge of the meaning of RSVP when they don't bring card or present or turn up early, they just lack manners and don't care. The thing is they obviously don't really care about their own children either as this reflects badly on the children.

If my children had had an invitation to a party from a very early age they would have been saying where's the card and what should we get jimmy for a present and would have been very upset if they had arrived without gift and card, so it surprises me that the children would not be bothered by not giving a gift.

Baby Showers are nothing but a silly American thing and just pure greed in my opinion anyway. :shocked:

[Deleted User]

i've only read the first page, just so you know, but last year at my sons 4th party,a fairly good friend of mine arrived 20 mins late to the party and pushed a card into my hand as she accompanied her son through to the goings on.

I later realised that she had literally just bought the card en route to the party, scribbled Happy Birthday in it and no present. This good friend of my had plenty of notice, its not the lack of present (despite the fact it wasn't a money issue), but lack of forethought so her son couldnt mark the card. Luckily our son never noticed and we didn't inform him, so it really didn't matter. Its just I would never go to a god friends party with a last minute card and no present for their child, however small.

Strange eh....?

jellyhead

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

I think when A is old enough to have parties, I will be putting "No RSVP = No Partybag"

If the party is at a venue (my house is teeny, we couldn't do it at home but sometimes we've had picnics in the park or woods) then I always put a date to RSVP by 'in order to book your place' or say that the food choices need to be in by a certain date, and I make it 2 weeks before the party. My invites make it clear that if there's no reply by a certain date then that child will not be catered for.

I do check with parents though, because I do actually like the kids we invite and wouldn't want to upset anyone if there had been RSVP slips lost in the cloakroom or whatever.

Most places I've booked with only charge for the number of kids who turn up, but it's still very rude not to reply!

[Deleted User]

When you invite a child to a party you are inviting them to come and make YOUR child's birthday good fun. Expecting a return on that is wrong imo. Having said that, I dont agree with party bags either. A child should not come to a party expecting to be sent home with a bag of stuff, but that is a trend that pretentious Mothers have long since set. Not everyone has money spare for party bags.

i don't think its rude to expect a guest to turn up to a party with at least a card. Try turning the other foot. If you had been invited to a birthday party of a friend or relative, please don't tell me you wouldn't turn up to the party with out least a card. After all they are only 10p if you buy 10 for a pound from a well known card store.

This isn't rude from the invitor, just rude from the invitee in my opinion. If you are invited a party or even dinner with friends, i would never go empty handed. At the very least I would attend a birthday party with a card (minimum), but having said that i have always gone with card and girft. If invited to a meal at someones house i would at least take pudding or a bottle of something to drink. Its etiquette.

Amara

I think is allright to expect from people to bring a present or card. It doesn't have to be expensive, can be home-made, self-crafted ,a card or something tiny, but something. If someone shows you he/she wants to be on party and puts effort in preparation, so you will have a good time, you should appreciate it and put some effort back. It's not about money, it's about showing that you care and turned up because you like this person ,not just to have a free snacks.

jellyhead

As for lack of presents, I think that would be awkward if the birthday child is the polite type who greets the guests when they arrive. Sweets or chocolates that are good enough for a present can be bought in Poundland. I'd be so embarrassed if I turned up at a party empty handed and would have to explain to the birthday child what had happened (I am a dozy mare so it's entirely possible that I could leave the present at home - I even left the swimming kits at home once for a swimming party which was an hour's drive away!).

mrbrightside842

We had some classmates who didn't RSVP, and who also brought along siblings who I had to pay for at the end of the party as I was over the numbers I had quoted. Plus, they sent their extra children for party bags when I hadn't done enough. And some of the siblings were 11ish and the party bags were made up for 4/5 year olds so I'm not sure why they wanted them or wanted to come play with the kids in a soft play.

milliebear00001

I'd say very, very rude, but perhaps not that unusual. My son had his party today and we invited 15 children. Four didn't reply (although they also didn't come to the party!) and two replied on the morning of the party! I thought that was very rude.

I have NEVER known a child of primary age turn up to a party without a gift though, so that is unusual.

I also never had this happen with any of my daughter's parties (she's eight). Very, very occasionally, I might have had one or two parents not reply, but never four out of fifteen!

I've also noticed a growing trend not to send out thank you cards as well. Out of the six parties my Reception aged son has attended this year, only three sent thank yous for their gifts! I think that's pretty rude as well.

ab7

milliebear00001 wrote: »

I've also noticed a growing trend not to send out thank you cards as well. Out of the six parties my Reception aged son has attended this year, only three sent thank yous for their gifts! I think that's pretty rude as well.

Thats because they are outdated - the gift is really a way of say thank you for inviting me to the birthday party and in general the party bags are seen as a way of parents saying thank you if they can afford them, although some parents go way over the top. Time constraints and environmental mean I would never send or expect thank you cards! Out of all the parties older kids as well I think there's been one thank you card.
OP it is rude not to rvsp but it definately happens, but never not had a card/gift nor would I send them without one.