Is this rude, or is it just me?!?

milliebear00001

ab7 wrote: »

Thats because they are outdated - the gift is really a way of say thank you for inviting me to the birthday party and in general the party bags are seen as a way of parents saying thank you if they can afford them, although some parents go way over the top. Time constraints and environmental mean I would never send or expect thank you cards! Out of all the parties older kids as well I think there's been one thank you card.
OP it is rude not to rvsp but it definately happens, but never not had a card/gift nor would I send them without one.

When I give a gift to somebody, I expect to be properly thanked for it. Good manners should never be seen as 'outdated', although I suspect that sadly, your view isn't unusual. Party bags just don't cut it as a thank you I'm afraid.

Time constraints are a poor excuse for rudeness though. I have two kids and a very demanding, full-time job. I MAKE time to say thank you until my kids are old enough to do it themselves, at which point, they will be writing the thank yous. It's a valuable lesson for them I think.

Moominmamma

QuackQuackOops wrote: »

I think its you who is expecting too much to be honest.

How do you know that the Mums had not sent the slip back with their child and the child or your child lost it in transit?
Some people don't always reply and you will always find that with every party you have.
So, you should always cater for the ones you invite unless you know they are not coming for definite.

As for complaining about cards or presents, I think that is quite a selfish attitude.

When you invite a child to a party you are inviting them to come and make YOUR child's birthday good fun. Expecting a return on that is wrong imo. Having said that, I dont agree with party bags either. A child should not come to a party expecting to be sent home with a bag of stuff, but that is a trend that pretentious Mothers have long since set. Not everyone has money spare for party bags.

Firstly, I know that none of the mums had sent back slips that had been "lost in transit" as there weren't any such slips on the invitations, precisely because I know the little bits of paper in a kid's bag have a habit of going astray!

If you had read my post properly you would have seen that I wasn't complaining about people not bringing presents per se, whilst I personally wouldn't send one of my children to a party without a present my gripe was more about the general lack of manners of not responding to the invite and THEN turning up empty-handed. I certainly don't consider myself to be selfish, and rather resent you suggesting that I am simply for imagining that my dd's friends might like to give her a card on her birthday.

ab7

milliebear00001 wrote: »

When I give a gift to somebody, I expect to be properly thanked for it. Good manners should never be seen as 'outdated', although I suspect that sadly, your view isn't unusual. Party bags just don't cut it as a thank you I'm afraid.

Time constraints are a poor excuse for rudeness though. I have two kids and a very demanding, full-time job. I MAKE time to say thank you until my kids are old enough to do it themselves, at which point, they will be writing the thank yous. It's a valuable lesson for them I think.

Your first comment sounds just like my MIL - I bought you x so I expect a y. Dictionary definaton of gift "Something that is bestowed voluntarily and without compensation" You and mil treat a card as a right i.e. compensation. And tis not meant as an argument but in the nicest possible way.
Good manners dont involve a note that probably gets put in the bin two seconds after someone reads it. Good manners is being able to help said parent/friend out on another occasion and my children know more about "helping" friends and community than a card so if I am a thoughtless parent for that then so be it. Christmas must be murder for you though!

I do sent thank you cards - to people who live further away or I dont have contact details etc but not a parent/friend who I or the children can speak to personally.

cherydee

What I find hard to understand is, most if not nearly all children seem to have parties nowadays and you would think all parents would let you know if their child was going to turn up or not on the day - as they would not like to be in that position themselves if they were holding a party.
My grandson had a joint party with his cousin in the Summer and because it turned out to be a lovely sunny day more than quite a few decided not to turn up.
Another problem that seems to crop up as well ............" is it alright if our ............ comes as well " and they seem to think they are the only one that has asked that question when there has been a dozen or so before them !!

claire16c

Moominmamma wrote: »

DH was all "if you're name's not on the list you're not coming in!", but fortunately he was ill so wasn't at the venue to forcibly refuse entry to little 8 and 9 year olds whose parents' manners are somewhat lacking :rotfl:

Thats probably what I would have wanted to do! I cant imagine not rsvping and then just turning up!

ab7 wrote: »

Thats because they are outdated - the gift is really a way of say thank you for inviting me to the birthday party and in general the party bags are seen as a way of parents saying thank you if they can afford them, although some parents go way over the top. Time constraints and environmental mean I would never send or expect thank you cards! Out of all the parties older kids as well I think there's been one thank you card.
OP it is rude not to rvsp but it definately happens, but never not had a card/gift nor would I send them without one.

How is saying thank you outdated? - not having the time to write a thank you note is a pathetic excuse. It takes 2 mins.

Every wedding present I have ever given any one, I have always received a thank you note back.

And at Christmas, I always send notes to family members and family friends.

If I have children, and they receive presents from people they will be sending thank you notes, whether they are hand written or on a computer, whatever.

milliebear00001

ab7 wrote: »

Your first comment sounds just like my MIL - I bought you x so I expect a y. Dictionary definaton of gift "Something that is bestowed voluntarily and without compensation" You and mil treat a card as a right i.e. compensation. And tis not meant as an argument but in the nicest possible way.
Good manners dont involve a note that probably gets put in the bin two seconds after someone reads it. Good manners is being able to help said parent/friend out on another occasion and my children know more about "helping" friends and community than a card so if I am a thoughtless parent for that then so be it. Christmas must be murder for you though!

I do sent thank you cards - to people who live further away or I dont have contact details etc but not a parent/friend who I or the children can speak to personally.

Good manners means saying 'thank you'. I don't care if it's a card or verbally or a phone call, but I do expect it, and I think most other people do too.

I see lots of kids day to day, year in year out in my job. Yes, they are ruder than they used to be, and yes, there's a clear divide between the ones whose parents have taught them the importance of manners and thank yous, and those that don't see these life skills as important. Guess which ones have a smoother path through life and are well respected by their peers other parents and their teachers?

Yes, you are a thoughtless parent if you don't make your kids write a card or make a phone call or clearly say 'thanks so much for my jigsaw/game/doll - it was really great', but you're not alone (so that's OK).

lessonlearned

ab7 wrote: »

Thats because they are outdated

Good manners will never go out of date - they are not subject to the whims of fads and fashions - just plain simple common courtesy and consideration for the feelings of others.

*max*

Thank you cards for children's birthday parties are way over the top IMO. What's wrong with the kid simply saying "thank you" as he receives the gift? If the gift was sent by post, then yes, I would expect a phone call or other acknowledgement, but when the gift is given in person? Way OTT! By any means feel free to do it yourself, but it's really unfair to expect it of others and criticise them if they don't do it.

gravitytolls

Yeah it's rubbish. TBH I don't much mind not RSVPing if they're attending, no RSVP I assume attendance, but if they're not, it's rubbish, as the invitation could be offered to someone else.

milliebear00001

*max* wrote: »

Thank you cards for children's birthday parties are way over the top IMO. What's wrong with the kid simply saying "thank you" as he receives the gift? If the gift was sent by post, then yes, I would expect a phone call or other acknowledgement, but when the gift is given in person? Way OTT! By any means feel free to do it yourself, but it's really unfair to expect it of others and criticise them if they don't do it.

As I said, a verbal thank you is fine. It should however, happen when you've actually properly received the gift, have opened it and can actually mention what was chosen and given to you.

Saying 'thanks' as somebody hands you a parcel, just isn't good enough as it is totally impersonal to the giver and the gift.