Is this rude, or is it just me?!?

bethl79

Bella56 wrote: »

I've seen a birthday party where 10 were expected (and paid for) and ONE showed up. It was so awful and the parents had spent over £100. Not to mention how disappointed and embarrased the child was.

We only invite close friends, and keep it casual (party at home, homemade food, Costco cake). Low key means fewer chances of being disappointed

Oh that's so sad, makes me feel awful for the child who's birthday it was

ab7

ab7 wrote: »

I do sent thank you cards - to people who live further away or I dont have contact details etc but not a parent/friend who I or the children can speak to personally.

milliebear00001 wrote: »

Good manners means saying 'thank you'. I don't care if it's a card or verbally or a phone call, but I do expect it, and I think most other people do too.

I see lots of kids day to day, year in year out in my job. Yes, they are ruder than they used to be, and yes, there's a clear divide between the ones whose parents have taught them the importance of manners and thank yous, and those that don't see these life skills as important. Guess which ones have a smoother path through life and are well respected by their peers other parents and their teachers?
Like my kids then well mannered respectful and loved by their peers according to their teacher and their friends parents
Yes, you are a thoughtless parent if you don't make your kids write a card or make a phone call or clearly say 'thanks so much for my jigsaw/game/doll - it was really great', To clarify see above but you're not alone (so that's OK) now thats bad manners making judgement without reading properly

I fail to see the significance of verbally saying thank you over a card. :wall: that way parent knows who I am when their kids come to my girls party. An example of how my girls have nice manners - someone who is a local chidlminder is well known to all the local kids popped a christmas card addressed to the girls specifically so as girls are aware her birthday is halloween they will drop her a card in in the morning on the way to school. Nothing I suggested, they asked.

lessonlearned

bethl79 wrote: »

Oh that's so sad, makes me feel awful for the child who's birthday it was

This is exactly what I mean about bad manners being a clear demonstration of the lack of respect and consideration of someone else's feelings.

That poor child must have been so hurt and upset just because some adults who should know better didn't have the simple common decency to reply to an invitation.

If her parents had known that all those people were not going to attend then they could have made other arrangements and the poor child would not have been hurt and humiliated.

*max*

milliebear00001 wrote: »

As I said, a verbal thank you is fine. It should however, happen when you've actually properly received the gift, have opened it and can actually mention what was chosen and given to you.

Saying 'thanks' as somebody hands you a parcel, just isn't good enough as it is totally impersonal to the giver and the gift.

Oh I agree! I was just saying that expecting a thank-you card in those circumstances is way too much. Thanking someone after opening the gift, and commenting on it to show appreciation is enough IMO.

As for not responding to an invitation, and not turning up - or worse, actually turning up anyway- well, this is just rude, and I would be carefully considering putting those people on the list for any future party! Although it is more difficult in the case of children's parties because you don't necessarily know the other parents and it isn't their children's fault, so it would effectively be like punishing someone for the sins of another.

milliebear00001

ab7 wrote: »

I fail to see the significance of verbally saying thank you over a card. :wall: that way parent knows who I am when their kids come to my girls party. An example of how my girls have nice manners - someone who is a local chidlminder is well known to all the local kids popped a christmas card addressed to the girls specifically so as girls are aware her birthday is halloween they will drop her a card in in the morning on the way to school. Nothing I suggested, they asked.

I haven't said there is a difference between verbally saying thank you (properly) and sending a thank you card.

Seems you feel the need to defend your parenting, but it was you that suggested you might be a 'thoughtless parent'. I only said you were if you didn't say a proper thank you.

ab7

milliebear00001 wrote: »

I haven't said there is a difference between verbally saying thank you (properly) and sending a thank you card.

Seems you feel the need to defend your parenting, but it was you that suggested you might be a 'thoughtless parent'. I only said you were if you didn't say a proper thank you.

no, its what happens when real life means it takes longer than usual to reply to a post.

tankgirl1

Hi
I've not read all the thread.
Although I can occasionally be one of those mum's who leaves RSVP's till the last minute, I wouldn't dream of turning up without at least asking the birthday child's parents if that was ok. My worst was asking via text on the morning of the party (which was at 4pm or similar) if DS was still OK to come along?
And siblings being dropped off with no invite or prior warning!?? Do people really do that?
I always make sure DS has a pressie and card to take to a party - I'd be mortified for him to turn up empty handed. Can you imagine how embarrassing that would be as a 6 or 7 year old? Let alone if he were older?!
If I am late RSVPing I always let them know it was my fault not my sons - as he always lets me know if he has an invite - it's usually my lack of organisation, plus the fact I'm never sure that I can afford a pressie that means we sometimes reply late.

property.advert

I put on a party at a play centre where I paid per child for use of the facilities, a room and food, party bags etc. I sent out invitations only with mobile numbers on them, so that people could text.

Now a couple did send texts and a couple did say they wanted to come (parent to parent) to that was ok but some turned up on the day with family in tow, expecting me to fork out for their extended brood to join in the fun. I thought they were taking the xxxx to be honest. The venue was also very stressed about numbers.

Recently I went to a party and despite multiple opportunities, neither the child (which I can forgive) nor the parents have even commented on the present we gave or said thanks. I'm not looking for fawning and gushing but a simple thanks or so would seem to be in order I think, especially as the child had not opened the presents at the party (for some reason ?).

aliasojo

property.advert wrote: »

. especially as the child had not opened the presents at the party (for some reason ?).

Some of my daughter's friends were not allowed to open presents at the birthday event simply because there was so much going on, kids everywhere, people coming in at the same time with presents etc that they sometimes forgot or got mixed up about who gave what.

Sometimes the kids got so excited that they didn't even wait to check the tag, the paper just got ripped off in a hurry and when the Mum said 'that's a nice x,y, or z where did you get that from' the kid wouldn't have a clue.

In those instances, it had to be a general 'thank you for the present' rather than 'thankyou for the doll'.

If they took them home to open, they had better chance of paying better attention to each gift iyswim?

gratefulforhelp_2

MarilynMonroe wrote: »

I find it sad that a kid came without a card. The kid might even have been embarrassed about it themselves.

How times have changed though, what ever happeend to just having a party at home, no one seems to do that these days. I bet it would take a lot off stress away and be a hell of a lot cheaper.

Party at home = jumping on sofas with shoes on and dog getting mithered.

Here there is an accepted thing that children don't send thankyous for birthday presents from their friends - looks rude to outsiders until they realise they don't have to bother either.

In these days of email I try to send a general thankyou with a party photo.