Cant afford to attend sisters wedding abroad.

euronorris

Mojisola wrote: »

If you've got debts, I think it would be crazy to spend out on going to a wedding abroad.

I'm wondering if the OP's sister expects her to get into debt for the wedding.

It wouldn't be the first time I've seen such an attitude. Sometimes, because it's a special occasion, some people think it's acceptable for other people to get into debt for them.

It's not by the way.

OP, I would explain that you can't go. I wouldn't use any bonus money for this, I would put that in savings (before clearing anymore debt), so that you have an emergency fund to fall back on.

Abbafan1972

I agree with what everyone else has said. Don't be pressured into getting yourself in debt over this! It's her choice to get married abroad.

Furthermore, you don't have to justify your money to her, or anyone else for that matter. Just be firm with her and don't feel guilty!

We got married in Orlando. My parents were there, I don't have siblings, so that was never an issue. In laws weren't bothered where we got married. Hubby has one brother, he got married abroad too (he's since remarried though) and we weren't there, neither were inlaws, it was just them and one bridesmaid/witness whatever and their daughter :eek:

Ours was great and it was just like one big fantastic holiday for us with my Mom and Dad there, plus it was my Dad's birthday whilst over there, so we celebrated that too. We had a party in a hotel for the rest of the family when we got back. I would never put pressure on family members to pay all that money to attend.

coffeebeen

I can see this from both sides, as I got married in Italy a year or so ago! We wanted a tiny (single figure guests!) ceremony but most importantly, we wanted to get married outside and somewhere we loved. If it's selfish to have the wedding that you want, then I must have been selfish. We didn't want the hassle and trappings that come with a wedding here (We didn't want to get married in a church, our local register office or in a local hotel- the only options here).

We chose Italy as half of the guests (my family) were already going to that area on holiday, so there was no extra expense for them and also my in-laws were overjoyed at a chance to go there and combine it with the wedding (which was a very simple outside affair followed by a meal). We literally had a family/ friend holiday and got married one afternoon. If that's selfish then so be it.

I would not have had a problem if anyone couldn't have afforded to come. Although some people are saying it's selfish, I think the bride and groom are entitled to do whatever they want for THEIR wedding- just not expect others to feel the same. The guests are perfectly entitled not to want to go.

Regarding the OP, I think you should just be honest and say you can't afford to go. I can't afford to go to my friends' Hen Do in May and she's fine with it- an invite is an invite, not an order. That's your right, just as it is the bride's right for wanting to get married wherever on earth she wants to.

The whole time I was planning my wedding people kept saying 'It's your day! Do what makes you happy!' But it seems as though this is just a trite phrase for many people and they think that you should do what makes you happy-as long as it isn't selfish, or different, or as long as you invite so and so

It's one day, no need for all the stress!

Stephb1986_2

I'm getting married in a few years time, me and h2b have found a lovely venue in the lake district but we're also keeping our options open as he's just found out he is being made redundant early next year The hotel we love in the lakes is £150 pppn but we would get a room discount off the hotel for the wedding, h2b's sister has already said she won't be staying at the hotel as it's far too expensive for her the sad thing is, is that last year she paid to be at her friends wedding in the dominican republic and she won't pay something that is no where near the same price for her own brothers wedding.

We went to a wedding show over the weekend and got an awful lot of information one which was rather interesting was these yacht weddings in Cyprus they look lovely for the amount of guest numbers we would have would be £4000 cheaper to get married in Cyprus than it would be here in the UK. Who has £4000 to throw away I don't and I'm sure alot of other people don't either.

Like I said we're keeping our options open but I think it's sad that she's no prepared to pay a small amount to be at her brothers wedding.

I can see from the OP's point of view that if she can't afford it she can't afford it, it's a real shame maybe if the op's sister does decide to get married abroad that she can have a lovely meal somewhere and show her the wedding video when she gets back. It's not the same but atleast the op wouldn't be missing out compleatly.

Steph xx

Brighton_belle

coffeebeen wrote: »

If it's selfish to have the wedding that you want, then I must have been selfish.

But haven't people been saying that any bride and groom are entirely free to choose where they get married but not expect others to necseearily be able to attend too and then sulk/pull guilt trips on them when others can't afford to come? That is the sefish behaviour - making others feel bad.
Quite clearly your behaviour was not remotely selfish because you were understanding and kind to those who were unable to attend. Big difference to the OP's situation. The OP's sister is not being selfish in where she is choosing to get married, but in her sulking and guilt tripping her sister to attend when they cannot afford to.

melancholly

coffeebeen wrote: »

We chose Italy as half of the guests (my family) were already going to that area on holiday, so there was no extra expense for them and also my in-laws were overjoyed at a chance to go there and combine it with the wedding (which was a very simple outside affair followed by a meal). We literally had a family/ friend holiday and got married one afternoon. If that's selfish then so be it.

I would not have had a problem if anyone couldn't have afforded to come. Although some people are saying it's selfish, I think the bride and groom are entitled to do whatever they want for THEIR wedding- just not expect others to feel the same. The guests are perfectly entitled not to want to go.

i have to say, if i'd planned my holiday, using up precious annual leave, i'd not react well if someone planned their wedding bang splat in the middle! but obviously different families are different and situations summarised in one sentence won't tell the whole story about how it came about! i guess everyone was happy with your arrangement, even if i'd have been mighty unimpressed! i also just fundamentally can't my head around wanting other people to be their for a honeymoon! but that's a separate issue.

although the point about the couple doing what ever they want stands - it is selfish in the OP's situation for the couple to expect her to go.

coffeebeen

Stephb1986, do you think it might be her circumstances have just changed? It might seem odd to you, but maybe she just had more money to spend at the time of her friends wedding than she does at the moment? It might be purely down to financial circumstances, nothing hurtful.

Coffee xx

Brighton_belle

Stephb1986 wrote: »

We went to a wedding show over the weekend and got an awful lot of information one which was rather interesting was these yacht weddings in Cyprus they look lovely for the amount of guest numbers we would have would be £4000 cheaper to get married in Cyprus than it would be here in the UK. Who has £4000 to throw away I don't and I'm sure alot of other people don't either.

It would save you £4000 but possibly cost your guest far far more both in £'s and time. That is still a fair option for you if you don't mind if others are not able to come of course.

coffeebeen

melancholly wrote: »

i have to say, if i'd planned my holiday, using up precious annual leave, i'd not react well if someone planned their wedding bang splat in the middle! but obviously different families are different and situations summarised in one sentence won't tell the whole story about how it came about! i guess everyone was happy with your arrangement, even if i'd have been mighty unimpressed! i also just fundamentally can't my head around wanting other people to be their for a honeymoon! but that's a separate issue.

although the point about the couple doing what ever they want stands - it is selfish in the OP's situation for the couple to expect her to go.

I totally agree that it's selfish for the bride and groom to expect people to go, I just take issue with others saying that anyone wanting to get married abroad is selfish too.

My family are really close and we often end up on holiday together- my parents rent a villa for about 3/4 weeks each summer and my sister and I have always been free to come and go as we please- so it's not that odd, honest!

We'd been going to the area for years, so it wasn't like my parents booked their holiday and then we just decided to tag along- that would have been awful

We moved on 2 days after the wedding too to another city- so no precious honeymoon with my parents!

neverdespairgirl

balletshoes wrote: »

I can answer that - its difficult in a lot of cases, and pretty expensive, to get a fiance visa for the UK (a visit visa can be just as difficult to get, and you can't get married on a visit visa). If you have a foreign partner, it is easier and cheaper, when you factor in the visa fees etc, to get married abroad. It certainly was for us, but I didn't expect my family to come to the wedding, because it was thousands of miles away.

You can indeed get married on a visitor's visa. There is a special catagory under the Immigration Rules:

Requirements for leave to enter as a visitor for marriage or to enter a civil partnership

56D. The requirements to be met by a person seeking leave to enter the United Kingdom as a visitor for marriage or civil partnership are that he:
(i) meets the requirements set out in paragraph 41 (i) - (ix) and (xi) - (xii); and
(ii) can show that he intends to give notice of marriage or civil partnership, or marry or form a civil partnership, in the United Kingdom within the period for which entry is sought; and
(iii) can produce satisfactory evidence, if required to do so, of the arrangements for giving notice of marriage or civil partnership, or for his wedding or civil partnership to take place, in the United Kingdom during the period for which entry is sought; and
(iv) holds a valid United Kingdom entry clearance for entry in this capacity.
Leave to enter as a visitor for marriage or civil partnership

56E. A person seeking leave to enter the United Kingdom as a visitor for marriage or civil partnership may be admitted for a period not exceeding 6 months, subject to a condition prohibiting employment, provided the Immigration Officer is satisfied that each of the requirements of paragraph 56D is met.


However, what you cannot do is "switch" in-country from a visitor's visa to a spouse visa.