Cant afford to attend sisters wedding abroad.

elainec

Thanks for all the reply's.
I do feel i should tell her no i think its just i would feel bad telling her.
Spoke to my mum today and she has said they could help with the cost but i kinda feel why should they- even though i know they would have to pay for a normal wedding here.
She has only invited close family- parents and brothers/ sisters so they are not expecting a lot of guests. They are getting married in a registry office abroad so i could book somewhere nearby that is cheaper.
They have decided to go abroad as her fiance's family is massive so to have a wedding here would be ridiculously expensive.

My OH is dead against it as he rightly says that even if we do manage to get that sort of money together we have so much more we could spend it on.

pinkshoes

If she wants you to go to her wedding, she'll pay for your flights and accommodation herself.

Just send her a polite letter thanking her for the invite, and saying that regrettably you won't be able to make it, as cannot afford the flights or accommodation, and have no way of saving the money either.

If she kicks up a fuss, then say you'd love to come, but can only come if she pays. If she tries the "you'd come if you loved me" line, then reply with the "you'd pay if you loved me" line.

victory

elainec wrote: »

Thanks for all the reply's.
I do feel i should tell her no i think its just i would feel bad telling her.
Spoke to my mum today and she has said they could help with the cost but i kinda feel why should they- even though i know they would have to pay for a normal wedding here.
She has only invited close family- parents and brothers/ sisters so they are not expecting a lot of guests. They are getting married in a registry office abroad so i could book somewhere nearby that is cheaper.
They have decided to go abroad as her fiance's family is massive so to have a wedding here would be ridiculously expensive.

My OH is dead against it as he rightly says that even if we do manage to get that sort of money together we have so much more we could spend it on.

I can understand where your OH is coming from because if you have little money and need it badly for other things, going to your sis wedding, lovely as the idea is would be low down on the priority list.

Sis is only going to get married once, why get into debt over it though? How is that going to help your family and little one when you can't afford even more than you can't now just for one day?

victory

Can't see that it has to be £1800 though, accomodation could be cheaper as the flights, is that the quotefor a package deal all inclusive? Doesn't have to be and also is your sis richer than others in the family can she not help out or pay or contribute a little towards it?

ellay864

Sometimes I think brides and grooms lose sight of the fact it's an INVITATION to guests, not a command! Of course it can be upsetting if people can't attend your wedding for whatever reason, but if the attendance of the guests is a big deal then you'd take them into consideration, and deciding to have a wedding that would put any guests under financial constraint but still expect them to attend is just rude and selfish.
At the end of the day they have their priorities in where they want the wedding to be, but must understand that you have your priorities with your money. They choose their wedding - that's their prerogative; but they must understand the guest has the same right to chose whether or not to attend it

meg72

elainec wrote: »

Thanks for all the reply's.


My OH is dead against it as he rightly says that even if we do manage to get that sort of money together we have so much more we could spend it on.

I think that says it all really.

codemonkey

I think it's getting more and more common to get married abroad. In fact, a lot of people got sniffy about DH and I getting married in this country - the amount of times I got told "You should just elope. It's so much better."

There's a lot of criticism for the sister but I think you have to cut her some slack - she's a bride, probably really stressed out about the weddig and really upset that her sister isn't coming.

At the same time, she does need to remember that it's really expensive and that if the money can't be spared, then it cant be spared.

We're in the same position atm with my best friend's wedding. It's going to cost a lot to go, and we could do some much needed home repairs with the money, so DH isn't keen on going, but we're going anyway. It is tough not to resent the "forced holiday" though - just have to keep remembering that it will be worth it.

Maybe you could volunteer to help organise a party for her when she gets back?

Sambucus_Nigra

elainec wrote: »

I do feel i should tell her no i think its just i would feel bad telling her.

She doesn't appear to feel bad telling you how much it was costing you for her wedding.

go_cat

Sorry but she sounds incredibly selfish to me

Slinky

elainec wrote: »

They have decided to go abroad as her fiance's family is massive so to have a wedding here would be ridiculously expensive.

So she wants to save money by getting you to fork out to go abroad.

Says it all really.