Cant afford to attend sisters wedding abroad.

mountainofdebt

I always thought you went abroad to get married if you wanted a small wedding (ie you and the groom and perhaps any children from previous relationships)

The thought of going on honeymoon with the parents doesn't quite fit with the image of a romantic honeymoon

Spirit_2

A former colleague planned a wedding abroad, to combine the day with the honeymoon. Initially it was to be just them, then after they had chosen their long haul location they thought involving others would be better to shre their joy and asked immediate family and close friends.

Due to health concerns for parents on each side only one parent could attend accompanied by the grooms sister . The brides siblings had small children and tight budgets and could not make it. A second choice best man attended as the grooms brother was recently married and saving for a deposit, the maid of honour declined - the date was immediately before important professional exams. No other friends attended.

It was a horrible example of the happy couple imagining that their wedding was the most important event in everyone's lives that year.

The photo's on the beach looked lovely, on return to work the newly married husband said they wished they had just gone off on their own
and done something as they felt responsible for the wellbeing of their small entourage.

We were amazed at the lack of insight into how much trouble/angst they
had put their family through.

elainec

In response to your replys.
my sister and her fiance both have well paid jobs and they are as safe as you could expect at moment with set salaries.
My OH is self-employed, i receive an ok salary with a bonus on top, it is this bonus i was thinking of using.
At moment we have enough money coming in without my bonus to cover bills and min payments to debts. No money for saving etc. past few bonuses i have used to buy child car seats, pay more towards debts etc.
The bonuses for next year i had planned to use to pay off some debts, car insurance and put towards house repairs or a new car as mine is getting to age where it could end up costing lots in repairs.

My mum and dad both have savings they would use to help us, but i feel if they did this to me and my 2 sisters equally based on amount i would need help with then it would prob cost them more than a uk wedding would.
my other sister and her boyfriend are both in low paid jobs but could prob afford to put towards it about the same as i could.

I have spoken to my sister that is getting married as she has said they are now looking at cheaper destinations with more accommodation options so now i feel like maybe i have taken away from their dream destination.

ahh, i am so torn.

I have suggested a small wedding here as thats what i did, my church was small so we had less people during day then more people in evening instead. Though a family friend is not a friend anymore as took a dislike to only being invited in evening!

gratefulforhelp_2

elainec wrote: »

In response to your replys.
my sister and her fiance both have well paid jobs and they are as safe as you could expect at moment with set salaries.
My OH is self-employed, i receive an ok salary with a bonus on top, it is this bonus i was thinking of using.
At moment we have enough money coming in without my bonus to cover bills and min payments to debts. No money for saving etc. past few bonuses i have used to buy child car seats, pay more towards debts etc.
The bonuses for next year i had planned to use to pay off some debts, car insurance and put towards house repairs or a new car as mine is getting to age where it could end up costing lots in repairs.

My mum and dad both have savings they would use to help us, but i feel if they did this to me and my 2 sisters equally based on amount i would need help with then it would prob cost them more than a uk wedding would.
my other sister and her boyfriend are both in low paid jobs but could prob afford to put towards it about the same as i could.

I have spoken to my sister that is getting married as she has said they are now looking at cheaper destinations with more accommodation options so now i feel like maybe i have taken away from their dream destination.

ahh, i am so torn.

I have suggested a small wedding here as thats what i did, my church was small so we had less people during day then more people in evening instead. Though a family friend is not a friend anymore as took a dislike to only being invited in evening!

There is nothing to stop sister getting married anywhere she likes - unless you nick her passport you are not stopping her so don't feel guilty.

Maybe she is realising that people can't run to those kinds of expenses.

MoneySavingMamma

The same happened to OH when his sister got married, we hadn't been together long so only he got the invite but had to decline as it was due to cost £3/4k! He was 20 at the time & had just bought a flat, so new mortgage & purchase costs had left him with no savings.
The worst this was his brothers (one 18 & one younger) got paid for by the parents, leaving OH the only one that didn't go. There are some lovely family pictures, and he is missing from all.

I think it is the bride & grooms decision where they get married & it must be lovely to get married abroad. But I think thought should be put in for close family members who may not be able to afford it. They should look into cheaper options for you, and even help out with the cost.

If you can't afford to go, you can't go, but I think that looks worse on them than you, so don't worry about it!

pollypenny

Just don't go! With your OH being self-employed you probably need to keep a reserve fund, not spend every penny on keeping a bridezilla happy.

Your sister must be aware of your financial situation, so is being selfish.

Funny how weddings can ring the worst out in people!

Kay_Peel

elainec wrote: »

Hi, She just got a bit snippy with me and now looks like she is ignoring me.

At moment we are really struggling, OH is self-employed so we cannot budget easily for spare money.

I feel bad for saying this to her ......

You have been made to feel guilty and you are the one feeling bad. Your sister, meanwhile, is ignoring you and snippy.

What's she got to be annoyed about? Has she any idea of your financial pressures and your family's tight budget for the next 12 months?

Is she so self-centred and thick as to imagine that people can afford to fritter away a month ( or 2 or 3's months) income on.... well, on what exactly?

Please, please don't feel bad or guilty for putting your family first. It's the right thing to do. It's your sister who should be feeling bad, in my opinion.

Mojisola

elainec wrote: »

My OH is self-employed, i receive an ok salary with a bonus on top, it is this bonus i was thinking of using.

The bonuses for next year i had planned to use to pay off some debts, car insurance and put towards house repairs or a new car as mine is getting to age where it could end up costing lots in repairs.

If you've got debts, I think it would be crazy to spend out on going to a wedding abroad.

mummyroysof3

maybe she is realising how daft an idea it isto get married abroad when your family cant attend

vax2002

If you want guests at your wedding then get married where the guests live, not rocket science is it ?
Too many folk are getting carried away with celebrity style credit card loading weddings, but to expect everyone else to take on debt to attend is taking the ****