Cant afford to attend sisters wedding abroad.

Mojisola

elainec wrote: »

They have decided to go abroad as her fiance's family is massive so to have a wedding here would be ridiculously expensive.

There's nothing to stop them having a wedding in this country and only inviting a small number of guests.

jess1974

i think its a bloody cheek, it seems to me that many brides and grooms now expect guests to pay through the nose to attend their big day, i would tell her not a chance.....

LondonDreamer

elainec wrote: »

She has only invited close family- parents and brothers/ sisters so they are not expecting a lot of guests. They are getting married in a registry office abroad so i could book somewhere nearby that is cheaper. They have decided to go abroad as her fiance's family is massive so to have a wedding here would be ridiculously expensive.

Honestly, I'd be p***ed off being asked to shell out well over two grand (by the time you've paid for everything) just to go to a foreign registry office! Might be different if they were going somewhere meaningful to them - although there's still no way I would go if I couldn't afford it. Might sound harsh, but my financial security is worth way more to me than being part of anyone's "special day".

By the way, someone I know got married abroad for this very reason. And some family members invited themselves along anyway - showed up to the private ceremony too! :eek:

Mojisola wrote: »

There's nothing to stop them having a wedding in this country and only inviting a small number of guests.

Agreed. Just because you have a big family, doesn't mean you have to invite them all. If they're not strong enough to say no outright, they could do as my sister-in-law (DH is 1 of 7 - massive extended family) did - hold it in a venue that only fits X number of guests which forces the list to be under that.

gilly1964

I am looking at this with a different perspective as DF and I are trying to plan our wedding and would love to get married abroad, but because we have small famiiles, parents no longer around.

DF has two children from his first marriage, his brother and uncle he would like to be there, none of whom could afford to pay for themselves.
I have my brother and his partner, but their first baby is due early next year, so I would not expect them to travel. I know they can afford it at the moment, but as we all know babies bring additional expense and I would rather have my first niece or nephew in a happy environment than at a wedding they would not remember.

In all cases we would love to pay, but cannot afford it so are now looking at something small, closer to home.

DF is concerned that he cannot give me the wedding I deserve - I have not been married before, but I am coming from the perspective that I have the man I deserve and the wedding is just the bonus, with a party surrounded by family mentioned above and other close friends that we would like to share our special day with.

Please tell your sister you cannot and will not be able to afford this holiday - the sooner the better. Your family has to come first.

claire16c

elainec wrote: »

Thanks for all the reply's.
I do feel i should tell her no i think its just i would feel bad telling her.
Spoke to my mum today and she has said they could help with the cost but i kinda feel why should they- even though i know they would have to pay for a normal wedding here.
She has only invited close family- parents and brothers/ sisters so they are not expecting a lot of guests. They are getting married in a registry office abroad so i could book somewhere nearby that is cheaper.
They have decided to go abroad as her fiance's family is massive so to have a wedding here would be ridiculously expensive.

My OH is dead against it as he rightly says that even if we do manage to get that sort of money together we have so much more we could spend it on.

What about if only you just went, and accepted your mums help - like you say she would be paying if the wedding was here anyway?
And then if you cant afford to bring the rest of your family out, then dont.

Or, find somewhere cheaper and stay there and make your holiday for that year. Is it somewhere that cheap airlines fly to?

What is it that your OH wants to spend your money on? I mean if you literally need it to put food on the table then you definitely need to explain to her asap that you cant come.

But if its for a new telly or something then personally Id rather not miss my sisters wedding for something like that. So it all comes down to your circumstances.

If my sister gets married abroad, which is pretty likely, Ill do every thing I can to be there because I would not miss it for the world and know I would massively regret not being there.

Obviously though if I had kids I wouldnt want them to starve though so it all depends on how strapped for cash you really are.

split_second

we thought about it, but for fiance's siblings and dad to go would be really expensive, and the most important thing was both sides of immediate family being there. my cousin had an expensive uk wedding and people couldnt afford to go, that was about 10 years ago and i have spoken to her twice since, it caused such massive issues in the family.

the british attitude to weddings is very odd, for example in russia a wedding is planned 3 months in advance and spending more than about £2000 is apparently unheard of

split_second

claire16c wrote: »

What about if only you just went, and accepted your mums help - like you say she would be paying if the wedding was here anyway?
And then if you cant afford to bring the rest of your family out, then dont.

Or, find somewhere cheaper and stay there and make your holiday for that year. Is it somewhere that cheap airlines fly to?

What is it that your OH wants to spend your money on? I mean if you literally need it to put food on the table then you definitely need to explain to her asap that you cant come.

But if its for a new telly or something then personally Id rather not miss my sisters wedding for something like that. So it all comes down to your circumstances.

If my sister gets married abroad, which is pretty likely, Ill do every thing I can to be there because I would not miss it for the world and know I would massively regret not being there.

Obviously though if I had kids I wouldnt want them to starve though so it all depends on how strapped for cash you really are.

depends how close the sisters are, i would rather cut my toenails than go to my sisters wedding :rotfl:

thorsoak

With respect to all, it is the OP's sister that is getting married - and therefore, it is the OP's sister who can choose where she gets married. If her choice is abroad, and would entail too much expense for people who are invited, then the OP's sister must accept that she will have fewer guests - which could include her own sister and family. But that is the choice of the OP's sister and she must accept the disappointment of not having her sister present at her wedding. End of.

The OP herself should let her sister know PDQ that she and her family just cannot afford to go, much as they might like to (or not, as it would seem in the OP's OH's case!) . Again - end of.

We are talking about ONE DAY at the start of what is hoped to be a life-long relationship. An important day, yes - but to be having hissy fits all over the place because it is too expensive for one part of the family to attend is ridiculous beyond words, imo!

Person_one

thorsoak wrote: »

We are talking about ONE DAY at the start of what is hoped to be a life-long relationship. An important day, yes - but to be having hissy fits all over the place because it is too expensive for one part of the family to attend is ridiculous beyond words, imo!

It is one day, and I agree that weddings are getting out of hand and are way overblown, however its clearly an important day to the sister and she clearly expects that the OP will be there. Its pretty cheeky to stake a claim on 2000 of somebody else's pounds, whatever the reason!

Also, its ok to be a bit hurt that your sister places a higher importance on the location of her wedding than on having you there. Like you said, a wedding is only day and good relationships (hopefully) last a lifetime, sibling ones too!

katerinasol

split_second wrote: »

the british attitude to weddings is very odd, for example in russia a wedding is planned 3 months in advance and spending more than about £2000 is apparently unheard of

I almost fell out with my mum over that! She is Russian and doesn't really get the British attitude to weddings. When I started planning mine (almost 2 years in advance), she kept brushing me off saying there was loads of time to think about it all, so by the time she actually started asking (about 3 months before the wedding), I've already arranged everything because I assumed she wasn't interested! And she seemed shocked at how much effort we put into it. I was caught up with the whole wedding fever thing so it was quite upsetting to think she wasn't interested and thought it wasn't worth the effort, though now I realise she probably just saw things differently.