Cant afford to attend sisters wedding abroad.

elainec

Hi, My sister recently got engaged and decided they will be having wedding abroad end of next year.
Now they have announced the trip will cost £1800 for me, my husband and our small child for 1 week all inclusive.

There is no way we can afford even that, let alone outfits, passports, spending money and insurance.
I have tried to advise her we cannot afford it but will save and see if we can get something cheaper nearer the time. I have booked the time off my work anyway. She just got a bit snippy with me and now looks like she is ignoring me.

At moment we are really struggling, OH is self-employed so we cannot budget easily for spare money. At moment we have no spare money, i had to turn down a meal out recently with her and a friend as i couldn't afford it, so she does know we are struggling.

I feel bad for saying this to her as she will obviously be excited about planning the trip. I am also upset that i have to explain this to her and that she has put me in this situation.

adamantine

why is she telling you how much it will cost?

you can easily stay at a cheaper place than where the wedding is. even if its an exclusive resort that doesnt normally allow non-guests in they do allow passes for the day of the wedding for people to attend.

i understand its her wedding and she wants you there but for her to ignore you because you canot afford £1800, which by anyones books is a hell of a lot of money, is very very childish.

Bumpmakesfour

Wow that is some serious money you're talking there once you add spends etc on.For her to be aware of your financial situation at the moment but be annoyed with you is pretty pathetic tbh..where exactly is she expecting you to magic the money from?What a difficult position to be in
Can you not stay elsewhere nearby and self cater?Make it cheaper?

Jinx

I have the same problem with my brother, selective deafness....

I think you just need to get her at a time when you have her full attention and spell out that you cannot afford it. You need the same line, and on repeat. Something along the lines of you are really happy for her and will think of them on the day but you cannot attend due to lack of cash. Do NOT let her pressure you into doing something you cannot afford. (been in this situation with brother and took out my first credit card and I turned it into a great spiral of debt, sooo not worth it and in the end they cancelled the wedding so we only got a holiday )

bigmomma051204

My sister in law did this. Married a guy she had been seeing for 3 months and gave us 6 weeks notice that she was getting married in Cuba and as it was a resort in middle of nowhere, it would cost £2700 for me and my OH to attend (also, we have a little boy and he would have had to stay here with my parents as it would have been extra £970 for him to go eeeek!)

She ended up only having her mum & dad and the mum of her husband go to the wedding as nobody else could afford it. We didnt go as there is NO way we could have afforded it - at the time, my hubby (her brother) had recently had a massive car crash which had left him unable to walk and certainly unable to travel - he had in fact been in hospital for 3months and had only been out for 4 days when she "invited" us LOL! He had lost his job as a landscaper due to being unable to work and we were reliant on my earnings (not much!!) She didnt ever seem bothered that we couldnt go - and me and hubby had FAR more important things to worry about then!! Her mum and dad are still paying the loan off that they took out to pay for going to her wedding, wedding was 2.5 years ago!!!!

JC9297

I think it's incredibly rude of anyone who decides to get married abroad to get shirty with someone because they can't afford, or are not willing to spend a large amount of money going to their wedding. Even if the money isn't an issue I don't want someone else telling me where I am going on holiday. I find it quite odd that some people choose to marry abroad because it is cheaper, then expect their guests to fork out for the privilige of going.

mummyroysof3

my opinion on weddings abroad are that they are great as long as the bride and groom are willing to go alone and anyone extra is a bonus. my sister got married recently and with 3 kids it was difficult enough for us to travel 250 mile on a 3 day trip and would have expected her to understand if we couldnt attend. explain to her and hopefully she will understand. i thought that people would be scaling down weddings these days as money is no longer certain atm

JournalGirl

Do not worry. Just be honest and say you can't afford it. I do feel sorry when the situation is caused by a 'cross-national' wedding, but when people do it just to have a nice location, then you should not feel guilty.

To be honest, I would only do that if I could afford to pay for my guests too.....I do think it's completely out of order to expect guests to fund a holiday at your chosen location!

meritaten

my sis went to the Dominican Republic for her wedding (second marraige). She DID ask if any family wanted to come - but none of us could afford it. It was just her and her OH!
She did arrange an evening do when they came home - it wasnt quite the same - but it was the way she wanted it and she understood that we couldnt afford to go!

bylromarha

SIL got married in Cuba. Caused more issues with MIL us not going than with SIL.

We couldn't afford the £3k for all 4 of us to go. At the time we had a 2 year old and a 3 month old baby. We weren't going. End of.

OP you need to be loving and kind, and explain NOW you will be unable to go, unless she pays for your travel or you have a windfall land on the doorstep. Leave it dragging on, and she'll keep thinking you're probably trying to get the money together and will make it.

We sent a parcel over with MIL of things for SIL to open from us on her wedding day, but she seemed to understand, even though she didn't like it.

claire16c

Bumpmakesfour wrote: »

Wow that is some serious money you're talking there once you add spends etc on.For her to be aware of your financial situation at the moment but be annoyed with you is pretty pathetic tbh..where exactly is she expecting you to magic the money from?What a difficult position to be in
Can you not stay elsewhere nearby and self cater?Make it cheaper?

I agree, have you looked elsewhere in the resort? where is it?