Cant afford to attend sisters wedding abroad.

coolcait

LondonDreamer wrote: »

I can't speak for the original poster but if you are not a UK citizen, there are (or were, last time I looked) additional visa requirements for getting married within the UK. Some people just don't want to deal with that.

That's a good point. But not relevant if both partners are British.

Also, if the foreign partner is already legally resident in the UK, I'm not sure why there would be issues?

If the foreign partner is living outside the UK, is there a huge difference between getting a visa to come here and get married, and getting a visa to come here already married?

Still, only the OP can explain what legal issues he/she meant.

I do appreciate your suggestion - it was an angle I hadn't thought of .

I'm afraid it did raise other questions in my mind

RuthnJasper

ElaineC - I agree with the general opinion of what's already been posted.

This was your sister's choice - NOT yours. Do not go. Otherwise you will be paying for it for years - and miserably so. You have only one individual to consider in this: your small child. And they are too young to make their own decision - so why should HE suffer any form of hardship because of their aunt's choice?!

Write your sister a heartfelt letter (if you have that kind of relationship), saying that you're SO happy for her and her intended; you welcome him to your family; you will always be there for her; and you love her. But that you know she will understand that your child comes first and you cannot afford to attend her wedding at such a cost.

Has your sister thought about having a church blessing in the UK at a later date? It can be an acceptable alternative to an actual wedding, where the legalities were concluded abroad, and then you can have photos in the traditional way, confetti, and a reception afterwards - at a reasonable cost to all involved.

As an aside - I would never do anything so selfish as to expect anyone to attend an expensive wedding abroad. But that's just me. I'm not knocking your sister's choice - but you should, and MUST, not compromise yourself financially over this. Your sister is clearly thinking only of herself and her own interests here - not yours. Selfish. Elaine, you sound like a sensible, loving person. Please don't go to this overseas occasion, no matter how much you love your sister. Even if you did go, I'm sure you wouldn't enjoy it for worrying about how you were going to pay for it all and the interest on top. Maybe not immediately but, given time, your sister WILL understand.

Good luck to you sweetie - whatever you decide. xx

Superbiatch

I got married abroad (Greece) and honestly expected it to be a small affair (which is what I wanted). As it happened, over 30 friends and family were there, some only turned up on the day but I honestly didn't expect all these people to turn up. I'd have preferred a much quieter wedding which is the reason I chose to go abroad. It was really strange walking down a greek street and meeting friends/family going about their business and then spending my honeymoon with them too!

I'm divorced now, but if i did decided to marry again I'd go abroad but make it just myself and my groom, maybe not even tell anyone until I got home. I'm much wiser these days though, I'd rather just have a good holiday than a wedding

We didn't expect anyone to come, and i think your sister should expect the same otherwise she's in for some major disappointment by the sounds of it. Don't feel bad, in this day and age its common knowledge people don't have the money for extravagences like this so its time she got real.

BitterAndTwisted

If she doesn't understand quite how skint you are when you declined to go out recently you just have to spell it out in words of one syllable. Please don't pretend that you'll try to save up for if you know you won't be able to as it will just prolong the agony. The amount it would cost wouldn't be a matter of making a few economies here and there for a bit: it's a HUGE amount of money.

pinkcandyflossprincess

my mom did this, she thoughtfully paid for myself and children ( i managed to get my kids for free by ading them in everyones rooms on booking (then piled in together later )so got free kids places which was a good for moms pocket! however i had to buy passorts for 6, pay for oh to go, then get holiday clothes for everyone and suits etc so it did cost me a lot:(
It was a lovely occasion but my brothers didnt go because of the costs so that was a bit of a downer.

balletshoes

coolcait wrote: »

That's a good point. But not relevant if both partners are British.

Also, if the foreign partner is already legally resident in the UK, I'm not sure why there would be issues?

If the foreign partner is living outside the UK, is there a huge difference between getting a visa to come here and get married, and getting a visa to come here already married?

Still, only the OP can explain what legal issues he/she meant.

I do appreciate your suggestion - it was an angle I hadn't thought of .

I'm afraid it did raise other questions in my mind

I can answer that - its difficult in a lot of cases, and pretty expensive, to get a fiance visa for the UK (a visit visa can be just as difficult to get, and you can't get married on a visit visa). If you have a foreign partner, it is easier and cheaper, when you factor in the visa fees etc, to get married abroad. It certainly was for us, but I didn't expect my family to come to the wedding, because it was thousands of miles away.

SailorSam

My niece got married in Cyprus during the summer and it cost me almost £1000 to go, i kept saying i wanted to leave it until her 'second wedding' that she was having back at home for all those that couldn't go. I'm sorry now that i let them pressure me to going.

gratefulforhelp_2

bylromarha wrote: »

SIL got married in Cuba. Caused more issues with MIL us not going than with SIL.
We couldn't afford the £3k for all 4 of us to go. At the time we had a 2 year old and a 3 month old baby. We weren't going. End of.
OP you need to be loving and kind, and explain NOW you will be unable to go, unless she pays for your travel or you have a windfall land on the doorstep. Leave it dragging on, and she'll keep thinking you're probably trying to get the money together and will make it.
We sent a parcel over with MIL of things for SIL to open from us on her wedding day, but she seemed to understand, even though she didn't like it.

It's awful to expect you to travel long distance with a tiny baby.

gravitytolls

I think folk who have weddings abroad, but still expect the family to pay to attend are nothing short of selfish.

If you can't afford it you can't go. If she so desperately wants you there, she'll have to pay for you.

A friend's brother got married in Las Vegas, they couldn't afford to attend, but they felt part of the affair by joining in via webcam, they even dressed for the occasion.

claire16c

coolcait wrote: »

That's interesting. Which UK laws would have stopped you getting married here, but not abroad? Or, what made it easier to get married wherever it was that you had your wedding?

Basically, I'm not quite sure what you mean here - can you explain a bit more, please?

Yes sure, it was nothing literally stopping me getting married, just stopping me getting married in the way we wanted to.

In England you can not get married wherever you want i.e on a beach, garden - there are even laws about permanent structures i.e you cant even get married completely outside, and they have to be open to the public. We wanted to get married outside with the gorgeous scenery, it was that simple!

I actually watched a wedding show the other day where the guests sat in the chairs outside, but the bride and groom had to step into the doorway of a building, its totally ridiculous.

Also until this year there were even laws stopping on you getting married at certain times of the day.

You are also forced to get married in a place that has a license for weddings, so its either a registry office or somewhere that has inflated prices as soon as you mention the word wedding.

It would be so much easier if they changed the law here so people could marry where they want. In the US people can get married in their back garden if they like - which is a great money saver if you know someone with a lovely garden.