Cant afford to attend sisters wedding abroad.

cazziebo

It does seem that as the length of marriages shrinks, the cost of weddings rises.... And levels of personal debt are high.

It really is getting out of hand. Ridiculous "hen" and "stag" dos in far flung places (often more than one), foreign weddings in luxury resorts, wedding lists in expensive department stores, tantrums over who to invite, who to exclude, whether to have children present... it just goes on and on. All to have a memorable, once in a lifetime day...and I wouldn't deny that to anyone.

Just think -what will you and the guests remember? The nightmare flight, the runs, your sister crying at home because she's missing your special day, the brother who couldn't afford to bring his wife and kids but felt obliged to be there for you, the family who return to the resort "because they want to enjoy it this time"? The debt?

the best weddings I've been to have been about two people committing to each other. That's the only bit that's really important. Not frolicking whales, fancy cocktails, crashing waves.

claire16c

cazziebo wrote: »

It does seem that as the length of marriages shrinks, the cost of weddings rises.... And levels of personal debt are high.

It really is getting out of hand. Ridiculous "hen" and "stag" dos in far flung places (often more than one), foreign weddings in luxury resorts, wedding lists in expensive department stores, tantrums over who to invite, who to exclude, whether to have children present... it just goes on and on. All to have a memorable, once in a lifetime day...and I wouldn't deny that to anyone.

Just think -what will you and the guests remember? The nightmare flight, the runs, your sister crying at home because she's missing your special day, the brother who couldn't afford to bring his wife and kids but felt obliged to be there for you, the family who return to the resort "because they want to enjoy it this time"? The debt?

the best weddings I've been to have been about two people committing to each other. That's the only bit that's really important. Not frolicking whales, fancy cocktails, crashing waves.

You can have both though. They are not mutually exclusive.

Ive been to a wedding at home where the couple did not seem committed at all, one of them was infact drunk and high from the night before. And it was in the UK - does that somehow make it better?

None of my guests had nightmare flights. Infact me and DH did! Theirs were all fine. No sisters were at home crying. No one got the runs! And no one came home in debt.

This is exactly what I mean about people on this board being grumpy about stuff. Sometimes good things actually happen!

cazziebo

claire16c wrote: »

You can have both though. They are not mutually exclusive.

Ive been to a wedding at home where the couple did not seem committed at all, one of them was infact drunk and high from the night before. And it was in the UK - does that somehow make it better?

None of my guests had nightmare flights. Infact me and DH did! Theirs were all fine. No sisters were at home crying. No one got the runs! And no one came home in debt.

This is exactly what I mean about people on this board being grumpy about stuff. Sometimes good things actually happen!

I didn't actually say where the weddings took place - just that the happiest ones are where it was about the couple, not the venue and the trimmings. Like so much in life, the more froth that's needed to make it look good, the less substance there actually is.

Stephb1986_2

People who get married abroad isn't exactly holding a gun to their families head to go or they will shoot are they??

My h2b's cousin got married in Barbados last year and had a party when she got back, her own mother didn't go because she said she couldn't afford it. But the grooms family went and had a lovely time.

It just seems that she missed out on her own daughters wedding which is really sad I feel.

If people get invited to a wedding and don't want to go decline the invitation they might be glad if you don't go to save money on the food etc etc.

Steph xx

balletshoes

Stephb1986 wrote: »

People who get married abroad isn't exactly holding a gun to their families head to go or they will shoot are they??

Stephb1986 wrote: »

did you read the OP? thats exactly what seems to be going on there - sis (the bride) is getting snippy with OP because she doesn't think she can afford to go to the wedding.

FBaby

My OH ex wives wanted the full-on wedding. They married in the Carribeans with family and friends and then married again in church in England. it cost him £20k. He paid for everything, including the trip for her parents who couldn't afford it. 3 years later, she cheated on him and left... He wasn't overly keen on it all, but he loved her dearly so went along with it. I think he is very relieved that I have no such desires of a lavish wedding and will be happy for a very traditional one with friends and family in local village, with just a nice meal and party. Saying that, I'm still waiting for the proposal

morganedge

Annoying when rich people expect you to be able to do all the things they want to do with them.
I have a number of friends in their mid 20's earning really really good money. About 5 times what I earn!!!

Always inviting me to expensive things that I would love to go too, but obviously can't afford.
Actually invited to a 2 week holiday to Vegas in December which sounds awesome, but I've got no hope.
Amazing that they keep inviting me, lol.
Funny how no matter how many times I tell them that I dont earn anything like them, it never sinks in.

lostinrates

x-caitlin-x wrote: »

Of course, a couple with family on different sides of the world would have to decide where to hold it. In that case, the situation would be exactly the same, as far as I'm concerned: some people wouldn't be able to afford to attend, and the couple would have to accept that. !

My Fil and his new wife had two celebrations...one in her city where they live, and one in London, for the European friends and family. This is obviously less MSE for the couple, but even though both shindigs were not small I think that they probably cost less than some OTT ''normal''weddings. The US one was in a restaurant, the UK one was merely drinks and canape type event.


TBH I don't mind WHERE people get married, so long as lack of attendance isn't seen as not caring...sometimes however much you care you can't get there.....people's priorities are different.

Also, although some people would do anything for their SIBLINGS they might not feel the same a bout their in laws (they might of course, love their entire family. Sometimes a family compromise HAS to be struck. £2k for a sofa v a wedding? I'd probably rather spend in on our home or long term benefit (possibly even a sofa, though we don't need one, so not relevant here) than travelling somewhere for a rushed and uncomfortable weekend somewhere we don't really want to be gritting my teeth through in law situations and barely seeing the people you've gone for (they have more important things to do that make a lot of time for the people who've travelled to see them).

burnoutbabe

Stephb1986 wrote: »

People who get married abroad isn't exactly holding a gun to their families head to go or they will shoot are they??

My h2b's cousin got married in Barbados last year and had a party when she got back, her own mother didn't go because she said she couldn't afford it. But the grooms family went and had a lovely time.

It just seems that she missed out on her own daughters wedding which is really sad I feel.

thats just so unfair, one side gets their family around them, and one not. if you are marrying abroad, you either assume you will have to pay for one set of parents to come, if they can't afford to, or don't invite either sets.

just having the richer set of parents is tremendously unfair on the other side.

melancholly

it sounds to me like some people got married abroad and made the right decision for their families - and that's great. but the issue is that while that works in some situations, in others it's a real pain for the guests. just because someone working for one set of people doesn't make it a universal solution. it really sounds like some people are still trying to justify their decision now......

weddings are great, but once you've been to 10 or 15+, they merge. i can't remember the wedding dresses from most, what the favours were or even what the colour scheme was in most cases! i do remember if they were fun or not and i also remember if i had to trek half way across the country and whether the accommodation close by was any good......

for some, the overriding memory is paying a lot of money and having an ok time. for others, i remember a fantastic evening. now spending money doesn't equal being bad, in fact one of the best was abroad. but we had notice and the couple provided lists of accommodation at different costs and it was all great. would i do that if i had to fly somewhere and take extra time off work? probably not. i won't feel guilty for that and i would much sooner spend money on things that were my choice.

i watched DTTB last night - i can't believe how some people see their wedding day. it's the start of a marriage. it isn't a hello-spread event that must be the best day in the world. (although that said, a wedding at a theme park sounded pretty good to me! lots of fun. a screaming, tantrum throwing, crying bride, who had to have everything her way - less appealing).