Cant afford to attend sisters wedding abroad.

euronorris

claire16c wrote: »

but if you had a decent sofa, then how come the last one broke??

Age, wear and tear, accidents (especially with kids!).

It's more economical, in the long run, to buy a decent sofa (which usually has a high price tag) that will last longer, than it is to buy one that will need replacing every 2 years.

Besides, it's not really about the sofa. That's just an example. It's about affordability and holiday days. If you can't afford it, then you can't afford it. If you can, great! But then maybe the holiday days come into play. I already use a lot of mine for visits back to the UK throughout the year, so the likelihood of me using a week (or two) of what's left to go to someone's wedding abroad is slim. It would only happen if it was to a destination we already wanted to visit anyway.

I think it's lovely that some people want to get married abroad, but they should be prepared for the fact that a lot of may not be able, or even want to, join them because of the cost, location and/or holiday days it uses.

shellsuit

claire16c wrote: »

but if you had a decent sofa, then how come the last one broke??

I've never had a broken sofa?

I was commenting on you berating someone else for choosing a sofa over going to a wedding.

We could get a week in the sun for just over a grand, which is what we'd probably pay for a sofa, so nowhere near 2K at all.

Moufflon5

morganedge wrote: »

Annoying when rich people expect you to be able to do all the things they want to do with them.
I have a number of friends in their mid 20's earning really really good money. About 5 times what I earn!!!

Always inviting me to expensive things that I would love to go too, but obviously can't afford.
Actually invited to a 2 week holiday to Vegas in December which sounds awesome, but I've got no hope.
Amazing that they keep inviting me, lol.
Funny how no matter how many times I tell them that I dont earn anything like them, it never sinks in.

I don't understand why you would be "amazed" that they continue to invite you, they are your friends and they would want for you to join them, and feel involved. If they EXPECT you to do these things and get annoyed that you don't then that's just wrong, but of course they would invite you because they would like for you to be with them doing things. What if you didn't get invited and that was the one occassion you would really want to join them and were in a position to (for whatever reason), and they didn't invite you and you both missed out (them for not having you there, and you for not being there)?

Seems like they are damned if they do and they are damned if they don't - "oh they NEVER invite us to do anything" or your comments above "they continue to invite me to things I can't afford". Between friends although you were aware of each others positions, you would still want to offer people the opportunity to do stuff together?

euronorris

shellsuit wrote: »

I've never had a broken sofa?

I was commenting on you berating someone else for choosing a sofa over going to a wedding.

We could get a week in the sun for just over a grand, which is what we'd probably pay for a sofa, so nowhere near 2K at all.

And even if the sofa was, say 500 quid, if you needed one you'd still buy one. But then wouldn't have enough left for the trip abroad for the wedding.

You wouldn't need to spend the full 2k on something necessary, in order for the wedding abroad to become unaffordable.

A close friend of mine was considering getting married in Costa Rica, and wanted me to come along and be bridesmaid. That one we were considering, as it is a destination we would love to visit. But, I did warn her that if something came up, or we reached the stage of trying for a baby, then I would have to cancel as our money would be needed elsewhere.

She was fine with that. In the end, she decided to get married in the UK anyway, as so many people couldn't afford to go to Costa Rica with her, including some important family members, and she decided it was more important for them to be there on the day, than to have the wedding abroad.

euronorris

Moufflon5 wrote: »

I don't understand why you would be "amazed" that they continue to invite you, they are your friends and they would want for you to join them, and feel involved. If they EXPECT you to do these things and get annoyed that you don't then that's just wrong, but of course they would invite you because they would like for you to be with them doing things. What if you didn't get invited and that was the one occassion you would really want to join them and were in a position to (for whatever reason), and they didn't invite you and you both missed out (them for not having you there, and you for not being there)?

Seems like they are damned if they do and they are damned if they don't - "oh they NEVER invite us to do anything" or your comments above "they continue to invite me to things I can't afford". Between friends although you were aware of each others positions, you would still want to offer people the opportunity to do stuff together?

I would only agree with that IF they also do a good mix of cheap things, that their less well off friend can join in with too.

Otherwise, they really aren't considering their friend and their situation at all and thinking only of themselves and what they want.

Moufflon5

euronorris wrote: »

I would only agree with that IF they also do a good mix of cheap things, that their less well off friend can join in with too.

Otherwise, they really aren't considering their friend and their situation at all and thinking only of themselves and what they want.

Definitely agree with you. But then who would only want to do expensive stuff anyway? Some of the best things to do with your mates are free or cheap as chips anyway! I just like spending time with my friends indoors and nattering over a cheap bottle of plonk....I also like doing more expensive stuff (and pretending we are sophisticated)....but I always invite all of them to do it because I wouldn't like anyone to think they weren't wanted there. But I wouldn't like to make them feel like they are EXPECTED to come.

Same as I have invited everyone to our wedding, even where I know they can't afford it. But they know full well I don't EXPECT them to be there.

Sometimes it's just nice to be invited isn't it. I guess that's the point of the thread, the OPs sister is making her feel bad about not going by EXPECTING her to. You can't treat people like that, you should consider yourself lucky to be in a position to be able to do so and be gracious about it

shellsuit

euronorris wrote: »

And even if the sofa was, say 500 quid, if you needed one you'd still buy one. But then wouldn't have enough left for the trip abroad for the wedding. Exactly! My best female cousin got married 3 years ago this month. It was in the UK but a longgg way to travel and the wedding was on a Sunday. We had to weigh it up, kids having a day off school, husband having a day off work with no pay, the cost of travel there and back, outfits, gift money, drinks and food while we were there, and we just couldn't afford it, or should I say we could have, but we wouldn't have been able to afford Christmas also. With kids, obviously Christmas was the priority so we couldn't go to the wedding. We were all gutted of course, but she understood completely.

You wouldn't need to spend the full 2k on something necessary, in order for the wedding abroad to become unaffordable.

A close friend of mine was considering getting married in Costa Rica, and wanted me to come along and be bridesmaid. That one we were considering, as it is a destination we would love to visit. But, I did warn her that if something came up, or we reached the stage of trying for a baby, then I would have to cancel as our money would be needed elsewhere.

She was fine with that. In the end, she decided to get married in the UK anyway, as so many people couldn't afford to go to Costa Rica with her, including some important family members, and she decided it was more important for them to be there on the day, than to have the wedding abroad.

That's it, it all depends on what people want for their wedding and where there priorities lie as not everybody is the same.

Some people want to go abroad with a handful of guests and some people want to get married in the UK with a 'sit down meal and a cheesy disco'.:cool:

Neither is wrong and neither is right, so it's annoying to read people telling others what they should and shouldn't do. Especially when these people have to pay a lot of money for the priviledge!

Getting married abroad for us was never going to happen as my Dad won't fly, so that settled that for us!

claire16c

euronorris wrote: »

Age, wear and tear, accidents (especially with kids!).

It's more economical, in the long run, to buy a decent sofa (which usually has a high price tag) that will last longer, than it is to buy one that will need replacing every 2 years.

Besides, it's not really about the sofa. That's just an example. It's about affordability and holiday days. If you can't afford it, then you can't afford it. If you can, great! But then maybe the holiday days come into play. I already use a lot of mine for visits back to the UK throughout the year, so the likelihood of me using a week (or two) of what's left to go to someone's wedding abroad is slim. It would only happen if it was to a destination we already wanted to visit anyway.

I think it's lovely that some people want to get married abroad, but they should be prepared for the fact that a lot of may not be able, or even want to, join them because of the cost, location and/or holiday days it uses.

I agree that they should be prepared for that. I would never have been horrible to anyone over it. But most people we really wanted there did come. There was 1 friend who I really would have liked to have come but due to circumstance in her family she had to drop out, thats life. Which is why I think its unfair in this post that the OPs sister is being funny with her about it and if that was me Id just pay for her. I would do anything to be at my sisters wedding because in years to come I know I would remember her wedding over a random piece of furniture which for some reason came up as an example.

If it was an friend at work or something then obviously that would be different and it would probably come down to whether it fitted into our holiday plans that year.

My sister lives abroad and so she hardly has any holiday days because of the country she lives in, and she likes to try to come back here once a year, but she came to my wedding. But then I wouldnt plan a wedding in a horrible destination that no one wanted to go to! She will probably get married abroad somewhere too, either in the country she lives in now, or 3rd one, or back here, and whichever it is there will be someone who cant come. But you cant please everyone.

euronorris

claire16c wrote: »

I agree that they should be prepared for that. I would never have been horrible to anyone over it. But most people we really wanted there did come. There was 1 friend who I really would have liked to have come but due to circumstance in her family she had to drop out, thats life. Which is why I think its unfair in this post that the OPs sister is being funny with her about it and if that was me Id just pay for her. I would do anything to be at my sisters wedding because in years to come I know I would remember her wedding over a random piece of furniture which for some reason came up as an example.

Of course you would remember it. But if you need a sofa, you need a sofa (or a boiler, or a new oven etc). Sometimes, the practical just has to come before the desirable.

If it was an friend at work or something then obviously that would be different and it would probably come down to whether it fitted into our holiday plans that year.

My sister lives abroad and so she hardly has any holiday days because of the country she lives in, and she likes to try to come back here once a year, but she came to my wedding. But then I wouldnt plan a wedding in a horrible destination that no one wanted to go to! She will probably get married abroad somewhere too, either in the country she lives in now, or 3rd one, or back here, and whichever it is there will be someone who cant come. But you cant please everyone.

Maybe not horrible in your eyes, but it could still be in someone else's. For example, places like the Maldives, Mauritius etc look absolutely stunning! But, my Mum would hate to go to a place like that as she can't stand the heat and it aggravates her asthma.

Equally, I also think that Alaska looks amazing! But I know plenty of people who would hate it. So it's also important to keep in mind that not everyone is going to agree with our idea of what a good destination/holiday is.

euronorris

shellsuit wrote: »

Getting married abroad for us was never going to happen as my Dad won't fly, so that settled that for us!

Similar thing happened for my eldest sister. Originally, she and her husband wanted to get married in Florida, but it soon became clear that his father wouldn't be able to go due to ill health. So they changed it to the UK and honeymooned in Florida instead.

I was only 14 at the time, and was hoping for a holiday to Florida out of that one (as my parents would obviously had paid for that!)! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: