Cant afford to attend sisters wedding abroad.

Person_one

claire16c wrote: »

Hes not spending the money ON you though. Hes spending it on a holiday, where your wedding happens to be on 1 day. Hes not literally handing you a cheque.

A holiday where I pick the destination and the timing and he's under pressure to go along with it, maybe he'd prefer to go to India, or Iceland, or to save the money and not have a holiday that year, or to spend it on essentials like bills or home repairs. You're very lucky that you feel you'll never have to go without a holiday, many are not in that position.

Look, I'm glad you enjoyed your wedding, it sounds very nice and I'm sure everyone had fun, but in general couples who get married abroad are not doing their friends and families any favours and shouldn't kid themselves that they are.

If I'm a grumpy killjoy because I won't go into debt to watch someone else sign a contract in the sunshine, so be it, put me on the grumpy table.

shellsuit

Person_one wrote: »

A holiday where I pick the destination and the timing and he's under pressure to go along with it, maybe he'd prefer to go to India, or Iceland, or to save the money and not have a holiday that year, or to spend it on essentials like bills or home repairs. You're very lucky that you feel you'll never have to go without a holiday, many are not in that position.

Look, I'm glad you enjoyed your wedding, it sounds very nice and I'm sure everyone had fun, but in general couples who get married abroad are not doing their friends and families any favours and shouldn't kid themselves that they are.

If I'm a grumpy killjoy because I won't go into debt to watch someone else sign a contract in the sunshine, so be it, put me on the grumpy table.

I'll sit at the grumpy table with you

My children come before anyone else, so if we needed a sofa and a family member were getting married abroad, the sofa would win.

How ridiculous to expect to expect someone to sit on chairs or go without a sofa, just so they can go to someone's wedding in the sun.

Not everyone has the same circumstances, not everyone can bung a couple of grand on a CC, and not everyone has parents who will fork out a couple of grand for a holiday for them.

Not everyone even holds a passport and they don't come cheap now!

claire16c

Person_one wrote: »

A holiday where I pick the destination and the timing and he's under pressure to go along with it, maybe he'd prefer to go to India, or Iceland, or to save the money and not have a holiday that year, or to spend it on essentials like bills or home repairs. You're very lucky that you feel you'll never have to go without a holiday, many are not in that position.

Look, I'm glad you enjoyed your wedding, it sounds very nice and I'm sure everyone had fun, but in general couples who get married abroad are not doing their friends and families any favours and shouldn't kid themselves that they are.

If I'm a grumpy killjoy because I won't go into debt to watch someone else sign a contract in the sunshine, so be it, put me on the grumpy table.

But I dont think anyone ever has a wedding in order to do someone a favour, at the end of the day the wedding is about the 2 people getting married. Its not about helping out others.

And if the people who do go to a destination wedding end up enjoying it a lot, and go back again, then maybe the couple did do them a favour by showing them a place they might not have gone to otherwise.

And what if your wedding was the destination your brother did want to go to though? Then it wouldnt be such a problem.

It doesnt always have to work out in the worst way possible which is what a lot of people on this board seem to be assuming.

Plently of people get married abroad, lots or not so many guests go, everyone who does have a great time! And they didnt go into debt to do it either.

Remember we only read about it on here when people have issues. No one comes on here to post that they had a great wedding away and no one complained

claire16c

shellsuit wrote: »

I'll sit at the grumpy table with you

My children come before anyone else, so if we needed a sofa and a family member were getting married abroad, the sofa would win.

How ridiculous to expect to expect someone to sit on chairs or go without a sofa, just so they can go to someone's wedding in the sun.

Not everyone has the same circumstances, not everyone can bung a couple of grand on a CC, and not everyone has parents who will fork out a couple of grand for a holiday for them.

Not everyone even holds a passport and they don't come cheap now!

Some people clearly spend a lot of money on sofas :rotfl:

Maybe thats why I can always afford a holiday cos mine is off ebay! So I guess Ill be sitting on the beach whilst someone else is sitting on a 2k sofa at home then.

shellsuit

claire16c wrote: »

Some people clearly spend a lot of money on sofas :rotfl:

Maybe thats why I can always afford a holiday cos mine is off ebay!

With 3 children I'd want a decent sofa that would last, so it would probably come with the same price tag as a week in the sun.

claire16c

but if you had a decent sofa, then how come the last one broke??

Person_one

claire16c wrote: »

Some people clearly spend a lot of money on sofas :rotfl:

Maybe thats why I can always afford a holiday cos mine is off ebay! So I guess Ill be sitting on the beach whilst someone else is sitting on a 2k sofa at home then.

You spend 2K on a holiday! :eek:

System

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

for me if i want to go to a wedding, and more importantly the couple want me there then i will do my best to attend. ive a feeling that some posters would rather spend their time complaining and looking for any excuse not to attend a wedding as it reminds them of what theyll never have.

out of interest i wonder what some of the more dogmatic and ranty posters would suggest a transatlantic couple should do if they marry? hire two boats and strap them together in the middle of the atlantic? hope for a passing ice float to ferry the guests? skype the wedding?

depending on the country with more mobility, more and more people are moving to different areas so you can find one family from scotland and the other from devon - which is fair then? it seems some posters would rather everyone stayed where they were born so that their lives are easier when they get invited to the wedding.:rotfl: they seem to begrudge a day that isnt all about them.

I think this is very unfair. The OP's issue is that she actually can't afford to go, and her sister is getting upset about that. It's the fact that her sister is getting upset that I find selfish - if she wants to get married abroad, that's absolutely fine. But she has to understand that not everyone will be able to go.

Of course, a couple with family on different sides of the world would have to decide where to hold it. In that case, the situation would be exactly the same, as far as I'm concerned: some people wouldn't be able to afford to attend, and the couple would have to accept that. The difference is, that would be a very strong reason for getting married abroad (i.e. in one of the members of the couple's home country), whereas the OP's sister is presumably doing it because she wants a particular kind of wedding. Again, that's alright, so long as she doesn't expect everyone else to go.

As for couples with family on opposite sides of the country, our situation wasn't quite as bad as being from Devon and Scotland, but my OH was from Cornwall and I'm from Kent. We decided on Cornwall because my OH had a lot more emotional attachment to the local church there than I had to any church in Kent. My great-aunt was unfortunately not able to come because she couldn't make the journey, which I completely understood. It was a shame, but something we had to deal with - there are members of OH's family who wouldn't have been able to attend if the wedding had been in Kent. We didn't get annoyed at all; it was a consequence of our decision, not hers!

Person_one

claire16c wrote: »

but if you had a decent sofa, then how come the last one broke??

I don't think you understand how tight some people's financial situations are, you're coming across as being very flippant about people's priorities.

Plenty of us still can't afford a holiday even though all our furniture is ebay or ikea.

claire16c

Person_one wrote: »

You spend 2K on a holiday! :eek:

Not every holiday of course not. I have in the past on some I guess if you add in spending money. The 2k came from shellsuit saying their sofa costs the same as a week in the sun and they have 3 kids. So it probably would cost that then wouldnt it?

Person_one wrote: »

I don't think you understand how tight some people's financial situations are, you're coming across as being very flippant about people's priorities.

Plenty of us still can't afford a holiday even though all our furniture is ebay or ikea.

Yes and those people therefore dont go to weddings abroad.

Thats completely different to someone choosing to spend thousands on a sofa.