Elderley Dad - wont spend money

Maz

OP, obviously none of us know your Dad but it seems a bit odd to me that he has a microwave and Sky, neither of which could be seen as essentials really but is putting up huge resistance to getting a washer to enable him to keep himself in clean clothes! Seems barmy to me.

zaksmum

My dad was the same. Hated spending money with a passion! He never went without as there were us four kids but he was in his element when we paid for just about everything he needed!

Just before he died aged 84, he told me he felt he'd wasted his life. "Have I ever done anything except work and save up?" he said.

I found that incredibly sad - it still upsets me to this day.

sabretoothtigger

Ask him for money you need to get a few things done. Use the money to arrange a local cleaning service to pickup wash and iron his clothes for him, job done


Clothes can be washed in the bath if he insists but its hard work I think

Have I ever done anything

If he bought up 4 kids, he did do alot. That is an achievement

dark_lady

margaretclare wrote: »

Forgive me for butting in, but I'm the same generation as your Dad and I was one of the 'women's rights' campaigners many many years ago.

You are right, there are 2 issues: one, the money he won't spend and two, the ingrained sexism.

I wouldn't have anything to do with this, wouldn't persuade your wife to do his washing - I'm sure she has other things to do with her time. His sister was a fool all those years. I wouldn't have done it!

He reminds me of a guy I once met for a drink, before I met DH. Before I even sat down he told me how he'd been married for 35 years and in that time had never made a meal, never even made so much as a cup of tea. He'd had to learn to cook in the last 5 years since she died, and he looked at me hopefully.

My bottom did not even touch the chair. I was out of there so fast you wouldn't believe. I've now been married to 2 men of that generation. My first husband had nothing but contempt for men he knew who wouldn't change a baby's nappy, wouldn't make their own snap for work...Both of them have been fully-conversant with all domestic appliances, washer, vacuum, the lot. I wouldn't countenance any man who wasn't.

Besides, it wouldn't be very pleasant, would it, carrying dirty washing in the car? Awful to have to carry it on the bus - yeuch. No way.



Er, no, not all of us. Read up about the women's movement of the 70s. Not all!

Margaret Clare thankyou for what you did for future generations of women. We owe you a lot. (Im in Essex too)

carefullycautious

zaksmum wrote: »

My dad was the same. Hated spending money with a passion! He never went without as there were us four kids but he was in his element when we paid for just about everything he needed!

Just before he died aged 84, he told me he felt he'd wasted his life. "Have I ever done anything except work and save up?" he said.

I found that incredibly sad - it still upsets me to this day.

Exactly like my day who died aged 86. He said that he had lived in poverty all his life, so to compensate he saved and would not spend anything. Although he always bought good shoes and had if not many then sevicable clothes. He also expected woman to look after any household chores so I took the place of my mother and washed cooked cleaned etc. But for all that I still miss him.

i doubt you will ever change his mindset

dark_lady

[quote=[Deleted User];48096935]Yep. Sounds my old man to a T. No daughters tho so he asks sons to ask their partners..... Not right is it?[/QUOTE]

Paul my ex was slowly going the same way as his father but just coming up 25 years behind him
Its one of the reasons he became an ex.

neverdespairgirl

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Well said. My mum (born in 1908) wouldn't have had any truck with it either. My dad (born in 1904) could, and did, cook and do household tasks.

Being in the Army wasn't bad for that, either. My Dad's grandfather (born 1865) was in the Royal Engineers, from about the age of 18 to 45, and then back again during the First World War. If you were a sapper, you had to cook / mend your clothes / polish your boots, no-one else was going to do it!

My Dad still has his "housewife", as they were called - a leather roll of pins, needles, sewing cotton, leather patches, shoe polish, etc.

blue_monkey_2

margaretclare wrote: »

Er, no, not all of us. Read up about the women's movement of the 70s. Not all!

Sorry, I missed the one word out - it should have read SOME women were happy to do it - and some were, hence his sister doing the laundry for him for all of those years, and some still do.

We are talking about a 75 year old man, who would have been born in the 1930's and more than likely seen his mother doing all of the household chores, not all women threw off their bras and stopped doing housework, maybe the OP's mum was happy to do all of these chores for her husband.

My friend, in her 30's, had a baby and she had her mum round one night and my friends husband was due in from work. Her mum asked why she was not getting dressed and cleaning the baby and putting him to bed, when my friend questioned what on earth she was talking about it was because this was expected when she was a child - in the 70's - and mum certainly did do everything, dad came home from work to a quiet house and the kids had to be clean and out of sight until dad had relaxed a little. It was only since her dad had retired a few years previously that he had changed and was more hands on.

So it does happen - what is more it is STILL happening. SOME women are still happy to do everything for their husbands, SOME are not but it still happens.

blue_monkey_2

[quote=[Deleted User];48096997]He does cook so why is washing different I dont know?

Thing is he thinks hes 'modern' etc and not an old biddie but some of his ideas are firmly entrenched in the 50s.[/QUOTE]

He cooks cos otherwise he would starve, if he had to wash his clothes daily it might be different but he can probably get someone to do it for him once a week.

Have to be honest, if I could find someone to clean my house and do the washing, I would... :rotfl:

blue_monkey_2

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Well said. My mum (born in 1908) wouldn't have had any truck with it either. My dad (born in 1904) could, and did, cook and do household tasks.

But not all men did and SOME women were happy to do everything for them. Just because you are not like this, you should not presume this is how it was for all women.