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Elderley Dad - wont spend money
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77 year old father lives on his own in a flat. He has difficulty walking but generally gets by ok. He cooks for himself etc.
His flat could be cleaner because he struggles to do it but one thing he doesnt do is his own washing.
In fact, for some reason, hes never done it himself (hes been living there 25 years since he got divorced). He doesnt own a washing machine.
His sister used to do it (shes 10 years older than him!) now my brothers girlfriend does it (she doesnt work) but shes not reliable. Now hes asked me to ask my wife to do it.
I told him I would if he was stuck but we live 40 miles away and both work full time and have kids so its not too easy. I spoke to him about getting a washing machine but hes refused.
Its not that he cant afford it - hes got £10s of thousands in the bank. (and I'd buy him one if he didnt!). His attitude seems to be why waste the money at my age. He says in future he'll walk around his friends house (1/2 mile away) with washing and do it there.
Its a constant fight to get him to spend any money all. Tried to explain it would be a lot easier for him and that its easy to use a washing machine (hes pretty good with cooker, microwave, tv, sky etc).
Same with his flat. Carpets have been down 25 years now and could do with replacing and flat could do with decorating but he just wont spend the money. Some of bedroom furniture is pre-war and falling apart but same story here...
In the past I've spoken to him about maybe getting a cleaner in but he refuses to spend money.
He does some washing in the sink at the moment which isnt great. Tried to explain to him about how much easier it would be just chuck in washing machine but no go.
Apart from spending the money, I'm sure some of it is that he thinks as a bloke he cant do the washing -its womans job to be honest. All his life hes never done it. Note, he asked me to ask my wife to do it -I can just as easily bung his stuff in the washing machine after all.
I'm just worried that his unwillingness to spend money on basics is going to mean him eventually having to go into a home anyway. Tried 1000 times to explain to him that he needs to look after himself and spend money to keep things easy for himself but its no go. For instance, tried to speak to him the other day about getting a stairlift in time (he lives in a flat with front door at bottom then stairs) but he says hes never gonna waste money on that !!!!
Annoying thing is like I said he has got PLENTY of money and its just increasing all the time....
Parents, eh?
His flat could be cleaner because he struggles to do it but one thing he doesnt do is his own washing.
In fact, for some reason, hes never done it himself (hes been living there 25 years since he got divorced). He doesnt own a washing machine.
His sister used to do it (shes 10 years older than him!) now my brothers girlfriend does it (she doesnt work) but shes not reliable. Now hes asked me to ask my wife to do it.
I told him I would if he was stuck but we live 40 miles away and both work full time and have kids so its not too easy. I spoke to him about getting a washing machine but hes refused.
Its not that he cant afford it - hes got £10s of thousands in the bank. (and I'd buy him one if he didnt!). His attitude seems to be why waste the money at my age. He says in future he'll walk around his friends house (1/2 mile away) with washing and do it there.
Its a constant fight to get him to spend any money all. Tried to explain it would be a lot easier for him and that its easy to use a washing machine (hes pretty good with cooker, microwave, tv, sky etc).
Same with his flat. Carpets have been down 25 years now and could do with replacing and flat could do with decorating but he just wont spend the money. Some of bedroom furniture is pre-war and falling apart but same story here...
In the past I've spoken to him about maybe getting a cleaner in but he refuses to spend money.
He does some washing in the sink at the moment which isnt great. Tried to explain to him about how much easier it would be just chuck in washing machine but no go.
Apart from spending the money, I'm sure some of it is that he thinks as a bloke he cant do the washing -its womans job to be honest. All his life hes never done it. Note, he asked me to ask my wife to do it -I can just as easily bung his stuff in the washing machine after all.
I'm just worried that his unwillingness to spend money on basics is going to mean him eventually having to go into a home anyway. Tried 1000 times to explain to him that he needs to look after himself and spend money to keep things easy for himself but its no go. For instance, tried to speak to him the other day about getting a stairlift in time (he lives in a flat with front door at bottom then stairs) but he says hes never gonna waste money on that !!!!
Annoying thing is like I said he has got PLENTY of money and its just increasing all the time....
Parents, eh?
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Comments
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lol, it must be an age thing . My father is 76 and exactly the same, he will struggle by when things could be so easier. He has plenty of money in the bank as well but just doesnt see the point in spending it if not needed/wanted.
Sorry no advice as we cant seem to get through to our father either.0 -
Just talk to him about having some self respect, and that if he refuses to get a washing machine and wash his clothes, he's going to start stinking. If he goes into a home, then he will have to spend his money, as no-one else is going to pay for it.If you will the end, you must will the means.0
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I had the same with my dad as he got older. As far as the stairlift goes, give him time, he probably thinks he doesnt need it. The washer is more difficult. Does he have friends/a social life? If so maybe you could use that - 'dad, you need to get these clothes clean, you're starting to smell.. Mrs X, Mr Y will think you're dirty'... His generation would possibly react to that one..0
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He sounds like me !
If I win the lottery tonight I'll still be tight, people of his age lived with f all for periods, wasting money is just not their bag.
I'm a lot younger than him, I detest buying "stuff" that I percieve as a waste, I am not wealthy but I get by OK, I intend it to stay that way.
Just let the old scrote live as he likes.0 -
Is he happy in his current situation? If so, why change it?0
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Either arrange to have a washing-machine installed and teach him how to use it or refuse to do his laundry for him and let him get on with it.
Do you think his problem is thinking he can't use one rather than not being willing to spend his life-savings on one? Have you told him how cheap they are to buy? Maybe he thinks they cost a grand or something0 -
My Dad was EXACTLY the same but we let him live his life his way not the way we wanted him to live it. We would have loved Dad to spend some of his money on himself but he chose not to. He said he was content and we had to leave it at that.0
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BitterAndTwisted wrote: »Either arrange to have a washing-machine installed and teach him how to use it or refuse to do his laundry for him and let him get on with it.
PLEASE don't do this.
Is there a possibility he would agree to having his washing collected by a local laundry company?0 -
Id buy him a washing machine. Or, leave him for a couple of weeks with no clean clothes and then maybe he'll change his mind.
My Grandad hated spending money too. When he died my Nan got a new kitchen put in, and now a new bathroom lol.0 -
Oh, all right then: persuade him to have a washing-machine installed and teach him how to use it or refuse to do his laundry for him and let him get on with it.0
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