Elderley Dad - wont spend money

Tish_P

Amazing how fast things have changed isn't it? (And heartfelt thanks to margaretclare for helping change it!)
My grandma flat refused to teach my dad to cook. Thought it'd turn him gay or something. He had to teach himself as a student. And when she died my granddad was completely helpless, couldn't boil an egg. Mind you he was born when Victoria was on the throne - the OP's dad has 35 years' less of an excuse.

[Deleted User]

Maz wrote: »

If your Dad cooks for himself as you say and is doing some of his washing in the sink, I don't think it is an aversion to doing what were seen as 'women's chores'! Otherwise,he'd starve and stink!

If he has sky, microwave etc already, seems he doesn't have a problem operating household appliances either.

When he takes his washing round to his mates' house, will his mate do the washing for him? (i.e. open washer door, bung washing in, add detergent and switch on?) Or will your Dad be doing it? Whichever it is, his mate might well soon get fed up with the arrangement, it's an additional cost to him in water and electricity usage apart from wear and tear on his washer.

It's a bit unrealistic and a bit selfish to expect your wife to do it for him, given that you live 40 miles away, both work full time and have a houseful of kids! Have you explained this to him?

He seems pretty self sufficient in all other fundamental areas (apart from cleaning).

Maybe, (if you can afford it obv), you could arrange for a weekly service wash from a local launderette and pay for it yourself? Our local laundry do a collect and deliver service and charge around £6 per washload.

Yes, its just the washing thing he issues with.

To be honest, he brought us up when we were young (mother disappeared) and even though he did a decent enough job looking after us he never did the washing. I remember his treking loads over to by grans for her to do.

As I got old never understood that.

As explained earlier he'd NEVER pay someone EVER.

Maz

[quote=[Deleted User];48096957]Its both I think.

He would never pay. He'd rather just not wash his clothes. Like I said theres his list in his head of things you should NEVER pay for.[/QUOTE]


Maybe you could point out to him that there is a cost involved whichever way the washing gets done! Don't know how realistically he imagines that this shouldn't carry any sort of cost?

If he, or anyone for that matter,does it in a washer, there's the cost of detergent, water, electricity etc., just the same as having a service wash really.

Perhaps he should take his dirty clothes down to the nearest river and bash his washing against some rocks? That wouldn't cost him anything!

[Deleted User]

mrbrightside842 wrote: »

I don't think it is just a sexism thing, I think it's selfishness. Getting his older sister to get the bus to him and take his washing away. Did he pay her for her bus fare, her electricity, her washing products? By the time you factor all this in, it'd be cheaper to pay the £6 for someone to wash and iron them. And then he wants your wife to drive 40 miles to pick up and then again to deliver his laundry, despite her job and the kids. Tell him this, how much petrol costs against the price of someone local doing it. Or tell him you'd do it, if he'll pay your petrol, your laundry products etc and hike the price up so that a local service would be cheaper. I know he's your dad, and you're not going to change his ways and that you don't want him to be unclean, but if he's a proud man he won't want to be unclean either. He took advantage of his sister for years, it needs to be made clear to him that he can't do the same to everyone, especially not your wife just because she's a woman who happens to be related to him. Is the friend who's machine he'll use a man or a woman? And do they know of his arrangement?

EXACTLY. He took advantage of his sister for years but her fault for letting him.

He just needs to get into his head that certain things need to be sorted.

His friend is a male strangely enough. So he'd have no problem going around there to save a few quid on buying a washing machine! Apparently friend has offered.

Hes a nightmare for making things difficult for himself. Bought him a hoover a few years ago - never been out of the box.

He shoves around one of those manual ones which he cant push that well and it doesnt get the bits up at all!

Says theres no need for an electic hoover. Talk about being stubborn and making life difficult.

DUKE

My mom would spend a fortune on old rubbish from Poundland, but if I suggested a nice new comfy bed for her bad back & athritis then she didn't want to know. So I asked her what she's saving for, what good is the money in the bank? She might just as well be saving a pile of old newspapers. Money is to be enjoyed & spent, especially when she's been poor for all of her life. What's the point of a life of depriving yourself especially when you can afford to spend? In the last few years she's bought herself a nice leather :eek: suite, new cooker, fridge/freezer, posh TV, & a very expensive reclining bed, paid for her own funeral, & given each of us a decent wedge (she says we may as well have it now whilst she can see us enjoying it). Finally I talked her round to spending rather than keeping for a rainy day when the rainy day never comes. I'm so pleased with her

I'd tell your Dad that the only option is for him to buy a washing machine & then someone can go round (if it's company he's after) & help him with it.

margaretclare

I've just related this saga to DH over breakfast (which he made). His responses were not repeatable in polite society. It reminded him of his Dad (born 1907) who grew up in the Jewish East End. He'd have his mum jumping up and down at mealtimes getting him this and that rather than sitting down to her own meal.

It's not true to say that 'women did all the work and liked it'. I've spent a lot of quiet night shifts with another female staff member and you get to hear what their lives were like. A lot of them DID have a lot to do as well as a tiring job doing shifts, but it's most definitely NOT true to say that they liked it.

Paul, I don't know what the answer is about your Dad. If DH and I could meet him we might manage to get through to him, but it's a bit far from Essex to Wales. It's his own problem, though. Not yours, not your wife's, not his sister's. It's a problem which has no need to exist in the modern era - there are machines which do it for you (not like my poor mum with dolly-tub and mangle!), there are laundry services, there are launderettes. No one has to become stinky, unless they choose to.

Duke, I do still save 'for a rainy day' because for us, that rainy day arrived in October 2008 when DH was so ill. I've always been glad when I had savings, never regretted having them. But we do spend on anything we need - we'd never save and 'do without'. If the washing-machine or fridge-freezer need replacing then we replace them. And I'd never dream of leaving only a pound as a tip in a restaurant!

whitewing

Your dad has possibly not quite got used to electricity being relatively cheaper than it was when you were young. I know my dad, younger than yours, can remember how expensive it used to be and you did absolutely always turn the light off when you left a room. (I know we do now, and I know it's not cheap now, but just relative to income in those days). Those habits are very hard to break.

I agree with the poster who suggests getting a grandchild to show him. That can be a good way of dealing with stubborn people. Works in our family!

margaretclare

cheepskate wrote: »

lol, it must be an age thing . My father is 76 and exactly the same, he will struggle by when things could be so easier. He has plenty of money in the bank as well but just doesnt see the point in spending it if not needed/wanted.

Sorry no advice as we cant seem to get through to our father either.

DH and I are that age. Please don't assume that this applies to all of us!!!

Paul, please tell your brother's girl-friend to stop doing it.

My view has always been: I was never put on to this earth to be any bloke's unpaid skivvy. I have better things to do with my time and energies.

margaretclare

tescobabe69 wrote: »

He sounds like me !
If I win the lottery tonight I'll still be tight, people of his age lived with f all for periods, wasting money is just not their bag.
I'm a lot younger than him, I detest buying "stuff" that I perceive as a waste, I am not wealthy but I get by OK, I intend it to stay that way.
Just let the old scrote live as he likes.

Yes, but a washing machine is NOT a waste, it's a basic necessity of life nowadays!

I'm reminded of my mum back in the mid-1950s. We'd never had electricity at all - I did my homework by the light of an oil-lamp, went to bed by candle-light. When we had electricity installed the women Mum knew in the village told her 'How wonderful, now you'll be able to get a telly'. Mum said 'No chance. I'm getting a washing machine'. And she did. A second-hand top-loader with power wringer - she thought all her Christmases had come at once. Years of battling with dolly-tub and lighting a copper fire in the outside wash-house - a washing machine was the first electrical appliance she ever bought. She was one of the first women in the village to get one, others had put a telly as their priority!

Tish_P

I read a fascinating blog post about washing machines (really!) and how they changed the world. http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2011/04/02/the-magic-washing-machine/
A quote: My mother explained the magic with this machine the very, very first day. She said, “Now Hans, we have loaded the laundry; the machine will make the work. And now we can go to the library.”