Elderley Dad - wont spend money

pigpen

My nanna WAS the same.. she didnt buy anything new for the house after she wa 37 (when her husband died) Bear in mind she had 3 young sons at this point. She worked until she was 68.. as a homehelp cleaning the home of "old people" of all things! .. She had new carpets in 1977 and my dad and uncle decorated the living room and her bedroom for her.

6 years ago most of the town was flooded and everything in the downstairs of her house was destroyed.. carpets, wallpaper, appliances.. and she HAD to have them replaced.. even her cooker which she had got in 1960-something was deceased!!! She is now 85 and has realised she cant take it with her.. but it took a very distressing and upsetting event to make her realise that.

If he was my dad I would club together with siblings/family and buy him a washing machine for christmas.. most of them now you can set to a certain programme so all he has to do is put in powder or tablets and hit start.. I reckon he is thinking washing is like it was 50 years ago and it took a whole day of hard labour and he is just lazy.

You could say youd collect him and his washing and he can do it at yours... HIMSELF!

margaretclare

pigpen wrote: »

If he was my dad I would club together with siblings/family and buy him a washing machine for christmas.. most of them now you can set to a certain programme so all he has to do is put in powder or tablets and hit start.. I reckon he is thinking washing is like it was 50 years ago and it took a whole day of hard labour and he is just lazy.

Yes, I've set ours now - wanted to freshen up the bathroom towels while I can still get them dried outside - and it's simplicity itself. But OTOH, even if he does think it's a day of hard labour, he didn't care about his sister doing that for him, 10 years older than him, AND carting it to and fro on the bus! Nor does he care about brother's girl-friend doing it, nor the OP's wife. Both busy people with other things to do, children, jobs etc.

You could say youd collect him and his washing and he can do it at yours... HIMSELF!

I think he wouldn't, not if the OP's wife is there. He'd sit back watching sport on TV, until she did it. I don't know what the answer is here. I can't comprehend this way of thinking and nor can my DH.

pigpen

margaretclare wrote: »

Yes, I've set ours now - wanted to freshen up the bathroom towels while I can still get them dried outside - and it's simplicity itself. But OTOH, even if he does think it's a day of hard labour, he didn't care about his sister doing that for him, 10 years older than him, AND carting it to and fro on the bus! Nor does he care about brother's girl-friend doing it, nor the OP's wife. Both busy people with other things to do, children, jobs etc.

Exactly why he would get one as a gift and be taught to do it himself.. preferably by a man! They are women we LIKE doing laundry apparently

I think he wouldn't, not if the OP's wife is there. He'd sit back watching sport on TV, until she did it. I don't know what the answer is here. I can't comprehend this way of thinking and nor can my DH.

As his SON I would take him in the kitchen and SHOW him it wasnt rocket science.. while makin the Mrs a cuppa

My dad at 50 would happily allow his mother to do his washing and cleaning .. and sometimes does!

[Deleted User]

margaretclare wrote: »

But again, Paul, I don't think this is necessarily true. I grew up in the sort of poverty that doesn't exist now, because with an elderly grandad, a disabled (from polio) aunt, an unmarried mother, no benefits at all, in rural Yorkshire. The only political change my mum ever hoped to see was family allowance (child benefit) paid to the first child. A few bob a week would have made a huge difference. The only reason I wasn't aware of the dire poverty at the time was because they all worked so hard. Most things, including the clothes I stood up in, were home-made.

DH and I are still saving because I feel uncomfortable without savings and I've had cause to bless the savings I had, only a few years ago now. But we do spend. I think the trick is to live simply but comfortably, and that means: using every bit of modern technology to make life easier. In fact, some people have said to us 'what are you saving FOR, at your time of life?' Well, at our time of life as at any other, we simply do not know what is around the corner and often, being able to lay hands on a little bit of money has been an absolute godsend. On the other hand, we know people who go on cruises. Now that, to us, is something that just doesn't grab us at all! Very costly, and would we enjoy it? I doubt it.

Yes, petrol is costly, bus passes are free, but we are not about to give up our car until we really have to. Being able to go where we want when we want, to places the bus doesn't necessarily reach, is well worth it. We're planning to take advantage of a 'cheap deal' with SeaFrance tomorrow and revisit a little place called Wimereux which is on the coast of northern France.

Being careful and economical is one thing, being miserly and parsimonious is quite another. Is the reason for having Sky because your Dad sees watching sport as being a 'man thing' whereas a washing-machine (I remember my mum's delight in hers) is 'only for women'?

Hi Margaret,

You sound like you've got it spot on. Yes savings are important but they are there for a reason not just for the sake of it as you say. To live without something which could make life easier is nuts.

He moans about paying for Sky! Im constantly taking him out of cancelling it. To be honest, he doesnt smoke, doesnt drink hardly, and his one main enjoyment is watching sport on TV so it seems nuts to cancel it when he can afford it!

The washing machine issue it two fold I think. One is hes got this attitude of whats the point in spending money at his time of life, the other is he cant/wont do the washing himself. To be honest, hes been mollycoddled by the women in his life over the years so is resistant to it now.

Which is strange because he cooks for himself. I guess this is more of an immediate need though - cook or go hungry. I guess whereas he cant ask someone to visit him every day to cook for him, he thinks he can get away with someone doing something once a week for him!

I feel bad because I would do anything for the miserable old sod but it annoys me when he makes life more difficult for everyone by doing this. If he got a washing machine and didnt feel comforable doing it by himself - then I could bung the stuff in when I was there !!!!

To be honest, as well, his flat is getting really dirty and grubby. He cant manage cleaning that well but point blank refuses to get a cleaner in or something.

[Deleted User]

pigpen wrote: »

My nanna WAS the same.. she didnt buy anything new for the house after she wa 37 (when her husband died) Bear in mind she had 3 young sons at this point. She worked until she was 68.. as a homehelp cleaning the home of "old people" of all things! .. She had new carpets in 1977 and my dad and uncle decorated the living room and her bedroom for her.

6 years ago most of the town was flooded and everything in the downstairs of her house was destroyed.. carpets, wallpaper, appliances.. and she HAD to have them replaced.. even her cooker which she had got in 1960-something was deceased!!! She is now 85 and has realised she cant take it with her.. but it took a very distressing and upsetting event to make her realise that.

If he was my dad I would club together with siblings/family and buy him a washing machine for christmas.. most of them now you can set to a certain programme so all he has to do is put in powder or tablets and hit start.. I reckon he is thinking washing is like it was 50 years ago and it took a whole day of hard labour and he is just lazy.

You could say youd collect him and his washing and he can do it at yours... HIMSELF!

EXACTLY. He just does not listen. I'm sure hes stuck in a time warp or something and its the 1950s here.

BTW. He was absolutely mortified when I said that no I wouldn't be asking my wife but if he was stuck I would chuck it in the machine. He didnt expect that.

Thing is if I dont do it he'll walk 1/2 mile (too far for him to walk) in all weathers to his friends house (his friend is housebound and 10 years older than him!) and get his friend to do it. Then he'll get ill and it'll be my fault for being a bad son.....

All for the sake of £200 and taking 5 mins to learn how to use a washing machine. £200 which is approx one weeks spare money for him - amount that increases his savings by EVERY week.

[Deleted User]

One idea I've had is to buy him a portable washing machine. See here - http://www.amazon.co.uk/Good-Ideas-Washing-Machine-644/dp/B000VPG64I/ref=cm_cr_pr_pb_t

This way he might see that its easy to use this rather than hand wash things....

To be honest, his flat is small and one of his excuses is theres nowhere to put a washing machine (it would need some sorting out admitedly) whereas this I think is just plug in and use.

blue_monkey_2

[quote=[Deleted User];48122351]One idea I've had is to buy him a portable washing machine. See here - http://www.amazon.co.uk/Good-Ideas-Washing-Machine-644/dp/B000VPG64I/ref=cm_cr_pr_pb_t

This way he might see that its easy to use this rather than hand wash things....

To be honest, his flat is small and one of his excuses is theres nowhere to put a washing machine (it would need some sorting out admitedly) whereas this I think is just plug in and use.[/QUOTE]

One of those would be work though paul, have you read the reviews? once the washing is done you have to refill it so it rinses.

Does he have space for a washing machine in his flat? If so then I would just get a 2nd hand one and take it, install it and let him get on with the moaning, let's be honest, he is moaning either way When you visit you can do a load for him if he has not done the washing. You can show him how it works.

You should just say 'my wife will do the washing for you but the machine has to be in your flat/house'. And then do it when you go and visit him. Leave instructions and then miss a week of visiting him and see if he manages to do the himself. Give him the opportunity to try - without the machine there he will not try. He might well just start doing it when he sees how easy it is.

aloise

Had an uncle like this. Wouldn't even wash a cup. When his mother died he was allocated a pensioners bungalow,beautiful brand new. He used to take his washing to his sisters,even when she was dying if cancer. After she died he expected his nieces,me included to take over. None of us would as we all had families ourselves and were working, and he could well afford a washing machine. he died aged 85 and we had to clean his house out, it was disgusting. He hadn't changed the bed for must be 10 years, filthy clothes and mouse droppings all over the place, no cleaning materials anywhere. we had to wear masks for the smell.
All men should be able to do basic chores, but in the old days it was "women s work ". but that is just an excuse for laziness. My mil used to crack up when dh helped me with ironing,even though we had 4 kids and i was working. used to tell him it was not a man's place to do that. He's never used the washing machine yet but he's going to learn soon.

[Deleted User]

blue_monkey wrote: »

One of those would be work though paul, have you read the reviews? once the washing is done you have to refill it so it rinses.

Does he have space for a washing machine in his flat? If so then I would just get a 2nd hand one and take it, install it and let him get on with the moaning, let's be honest, he is moaning either way When you visit you can do a load for him if he has not done the washing. You can show him how it works.

You should just say 'my wife will do the washing for you but the machine has to be in your flat/house'. And then do it when you go and visit him. Leave instructions and then miss a week of visiting him and see if he manages to do the himself. Give him the opportunity to try - without the machine there he will not try. He might well just start doing it when he sees how easy it is.

Just had a quick look. Yeh, thats the trouble it would have to be easy to use.

But then he washes clothes in the sink now. And they're not clean to be honest. Washing in the sink surely isnt easy because he cant stand for long either.

Thats another problem. there is no space for washing machine at the moment. One more excuse for him to use - theres no space / too much hassle to get plumbed in.

[Deleted User]

aloise wrote: »

Had an uncle like this. Wouldn't even wash a cup. When his mother died he was allocated a pensioners bungalow,beautiful brand new. He used to take his washing to his sisters,even when she was dying if cancer. After she died he expected his nieces,me included to take over. None of us would as we all had families ourselves and were working, and he could well afford a washing machine. he died aged 85 and we had to clean his house out, it was disgusting. He hadn't changed the bed for must be 10 years, filthy clothes and mouse droppings all over the place, no cleaning materials anywhere. we had to wear masks for the smell.
All men should be able to do basic chores, but in the old days it was "women s work ". but that is just an excuse for laziness. My mil used to crack up when dh helped me with ironing,even though we had 4 kids and i was working. used to tell him it was not a man's place to do that. He's never used the washing machine yet but he's going to learn soon.

Aloise, I agree with you. I left home at 18 to go to college so I'm perfectly domesticated. LOL.

Mans work/womans work idea is bollox.

And fair does to you for putting your foot down but its hard for me to do this. Whenever I mention it I get the argument "well, ok if its too much trouble for you I'll manage somehow".