Elderley Dad - wont spend money

[Deleted User]

I had both my hands in splints and strict instructions to not use them much for three weeks. My ex had promised to do the housework but it didn't even last a couple of days. He preferred to lie on the sofa and probably because I had to get on with the housework (and it did cause discomfort) the op failed.

Good reason why he's an ex (I'm 47, its not a generation thing.., all men can be like this).

Living like that was more common 70 years ago., but unfortunately it still happens. And marriages/relationships fail over it.., and some men blindly insist their point of view on household jobs is the right one lol.

[Deleted User]

Maz wrote: »

Maybe you could point out to him that there is a cost involved whichever way the washing gets done! Don't know how realistically he imagines that this shouldn't carry any sort of cost?

If he, or anyone for that matter,does it in a washer, there's the cost of detergent, water, electricity etc., just the same as having a service wash really.

Perhaps he should take his dirty clothes down to the nearest river and bash his washing against some rocks? That wouldn't cost him anything!

Its not the cost to me that I bother about. Not is the fact that I'm doing it for him. I'd do anything for him.

Its the fact that things could be so much easier for himself and everyone if he wasnt do damn stubborn and selfish over the whole thing!

[Deleted User]

sabretoothtigger wrote: »

Ask him for money you need to get a few things done. Use the money to arrange a local cleaning service to pickup wash and iron his clothes for him, job done


Clothes can be washed in the bath if he insists but its hard work I think



If he bought up 4 kids, he did do alot. That is an achievement

Surely washing stuff in the bath isnt that good though?

And like you said much harder than chucking in washing machine.

[Deleted User]

zaksmum wrote: »

My dad was the same. Hated spending money with a passion! He never went without as there were us four kids but he was in his element when we paid for just about everything he needed!

Just before he died aged 84, he told me he felt he'd wasted his life. "Have I ever done anything except work and save up?" he said.

I found that incredibly sad - it still upsets me to this day.

Exactly. He sames to be saving it for the sake of it.

[Deleted User]

Maz wrote: »

OP, obviously none of us know your Dad but it seems a bit odd to me that he has a microwave and Sky, neither of which could be seen as essentials really but is putting up huge resistance to getting a washer to enable him to keep himself in clean clothes! Seems barmy to me.

Yeh Exactly. Sky he pays for because he loves watching sport but he moans constantly and says hes going to cancel it. I have to really talk him into keeping it because its something he enjoys and can afford it.

Hes like this with everything. We both watch cricket and next year the season ticket is £100 (for the whole year) as a special offer. He tells me now hes not sure if he wants to spend the money. Hes got more than £100 spare a week that he doesnt spend and goes into his savings. so infuriating!

He just doesnt see a washing machine as something worth the money though.

[Deleted User]

margaretclare wrote: »

DH and I are that age. Please don't assume that this applies to all of us!!!

Paul, please tell your brother's girl-friend to stop doing it.

My view has always been: I was never put on to this earth to be any bloke's unpaid skivvy. I have better things to do with my time and energies.

Thats the problem. I did try to talk to my auntie (his sister) years ago but she refused to stop doing it - my dad was her little brother.

Same with brothers girlfriend - she tells him she doesnt mind.

[Deleted User]

margaretclare wrote: »

I've just related this saga to DH over breakfast (which he made). His responses were not repeatable in polite society. It reminded him of his Dad (born 1907) who grew up in the Jewish East End. He'd have his mum jumping up and down at mealtimes getting him this and that rather than sitting down to her own meal.

It's not true to say that 'women did all the work and liked it'. I've spent a lot of quiet night shifts with another female staff member and you get to hear what their lives were like. A lot of them DID have a lot to do as well as a tiring job doing shifts, but it's most definitely NOT true to say that they liked it.

Paul, I don't know what the answer is about your Dad. If DH and I could meet him we might manage to get through to him, but it's a bit far from Essex to Wales. It's his own problem, though. Not yours, not your wife's, not his sister's. It's a problem which has no need to exist in the modern era - there are machines which do it for you (not like my poor mum with dolly-tub and mangle!), there are laundry services, there are launderettes. No one has to become stinky, unless they choose to.

Duke, I do still save 'for a rainy day' because for us, that rainy day arrived in October 2008 when DH was so ill. I've always been glad when I had savings, never regretted having them. But we do spend on anything we need - we'd never save and 'do without'. If the washing-machine or fridge-freezer need replacing then we replace them. And I'd never dream of leaving only a pound as a tip in a restaurant!

Its just that his attitude seems to be, if I he asks me to do it and I say no that I'm being mean to him. and he gets upset.

[Deleted User]

DUKE wrote: »

My mom would spend a fortune on old rubbish from Poundland, but if I suggested a nice new comfy bed for her bad back & athritis then she didn't want to know. So I asked her what she's saving for, what good is the money in the bank? She might just as well be saving a pile of old newspapers. Money is to be enjoyed & spent, especially when she's been poor for all of her life. What's the point of a life of depriving yourself especially when you can afford to spend? In the last few years she's bought herself a nice leather :eek: suite, new cooker, fridge/freezer, posh TV, & a very expensive reclining bed, paid for her own funeral, & given each of us a decent wedge (she says we may as well have it now whilst she can see us enjoying it). Finally I talked her round to spending rather than keeping for a rainy day when the rainy day never comes. I'm so pleased with her

I'd tell your Dad that the only option is for him to buy a washing machine & then someone can go round (if it's company he's after) & help him with it.

I know exactly. Its just a number in the bank at the moment - no idea what its there for.

His answer is that his generation are different. They never had money when they were younger so they dont want to waste it now. He says I waste money on things. (Like I said he says £60 on petrol is wasting money even though without this petrol my car wouldnt get to his house for me to visit him!).

[Deleted User]

Well, not sure I mentioned earlier but brothers girlfriend is having a baby. and shes booked in for C section too. Hence the request from my Dad for me to ask my wife to do his washing....

It beggars believe doesnt it? That 1) Hes asking me to ask my wife to do something - not me 2) He'll expect brothers wife to go back to doing it (when shes out of hospital he told me!) after a C section and with a baby to look after?

All because
1) He thinks a washing machine is a waste of money at his time of life.
2) He cant/wont do his own washing.

I'm just so annoyed that he doesnt think of this and is being so selfish and stubborn about it.

I dont want to upset him but even if I bring the subject up he gets really upset and says if I dont want to help him then he'll manage. He just doesnt get that I'm trying to help him by sorting out a washing machine. As with everything else, I'd be the one to arrange it, get it fitted etc - no problem at all for me!

margaretclare

[quote=[Deleted User];48120345]I know exactly. Its just a number in the bank at the moment - no idea what its there for.

His answer is that his generation are different. They never had money when they were younger so they don't want to waste it now. He says I waste money on things. (Like I said he says £60 on petrol is wasting money even though without this petrol my car wouldn't get to his house for me to visit him!).[/QUOTE]

But again, Paul, I don't think this is necessarily true. I grew up in the sort of poverty that doesn't exist now, because with an elderly grandad, a disabled (from polio) aunt, an unmarried mother, no benefits at all, in rural Yorkshire. The only political change my mum ever hoped to see was family allowance (child benefit) paid to the first child. A few bob a week would have made a huge difference. The only reason I wasn't aware of the dire poverty at the time was because they all worked so hard. Most things, including the clothes I stood up in, were home-made.

DH and I are still saving because I feel uncomfortable without savings and I've had cause to bless the savings I had, only a few years ago now. But we do spend. I think the trick is to live simply but comfortably, and that means: using every bit of modern technology to make life easier. In fact, some people have said to us 'what are you saving FOR, at your time of life?' Well, at our time of life as at any other, we simply do not know what is around the corner and often, being able to lay hands on a little bit of money has been an absolute godsend. On the other hand, we know people who go on cruises. Now that, to us, is something that just doesn't grab us at all! Very costly, and would we enjoy it? I doubt it.

Yes, petrol is costly, bus passes are free, but we are not about to give up our car until we really have to. Being able to go where we want when we want, to places the bus doesn't necessarily reach, is well worth it. We're planning to take advantage of a 'cheap deal' with SeaFrance tomorrow and revisit a little place called Wimereux which is on the coast of northern France.

Being careful and economical is one thing, being miserly and parsimonious is quite another. Is the reason for having Sky because your Dad sees watching sport as being a 'man thing' whereas a washing-machine (I remember my mum's delight in hers) is 'only for women'?