I don't like my mother!

meritaten

sounds familiar! my MIL couldnt bear it if anyone in the family was ill - she would immediately develop (much worse) symptoms. all attention HAD to be on her! I came down with a nasty case of food poisoning from a suss pasty from the local chippy. I was ill for a couple of days. MIL immediately on hearing about it came down with it too! and was ill for FIVE days! oh and she phoned me after a couple of days wanting me to do her shopping for her! lol - I asked her how many bottles of lucozade she wanted as THAT was all I could keep down - and I would send OH out to get it! she got golden DIL to do her 'normal' shop!
My other SIL said she had never seen anyone supposedly so ill with food poisoning eat so much! lmao. honestly, she stayed in bed for five days and had my SILs dancing attendance on her - but not once did anyone see her throw up or er - evacuate her bowels! I spent nearly two days in the bathroom!
I really did enjoy asking her how she had managed to contract salmonella like I did. as she hadnt had anything from THAT chippy! her answer.........'well, YOU gave it to me dear, I saw you that day'! that was priceless! yes she did see me - BEFORE I ate that dammed pasty!

happyhaddock_2

Gosh thank you once again for all the replies, it is so helpful to read other peoples experiences.

Meritaten, please could I ask why you say not to visit mum together. It's just that mum has expressed her displeasure that my sister is only going to visit if I bring her. We thought it was because she would not be able to tell her tales to each of us if we were both present, is there another reason?

MWM, with regards to her hating my BIL believe me he's not the first. As my sister says in her post mum has ALWAYS had a problem with her boyfriends, again we think it's because it takes my sister away from mum's cluthches and gives her a chance of a different life. She even had the temerity to tell me my then boyfriend, now husband of 25 years, was no good for me and would never amount to anything!.

Oh my there's so many things that I could talk about, things that I've kept hidden for years but unfortunately seem to be boiling over at the moment!

Ellidee

I too can't believe all the similaraties - never liking the boyfriends/partners. Discouraged from further education because 'You are only going to get married and have children' . Never praise only criticism.

I have never felt 'good enough' and this affects my life in so many negative ways. Have suffered from anxiety and depression for most of my adult life and will probably always need anti-d's.

Beetlemama

I don't see mine either, my son wouldn't recognise her in the street (he's 9) and it was her that missed out, not me, or DS, she's toxic and she would have worked her black magic over him too, buying him gifts but mentally abusing him the way she did my sister and I. You always felt confused like Well she must love me because she spent all that money.....but if she does, why does she treat me like that?

It's better now, and we're happy. It's ok to break away.

scottish_lassy

I have not read the full thread but the OP certainly struck a chord with me. I finally lost my mother last February and posted on here with How I was feeling. A very helpful person gave me this thread which has helped enormously
http://www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/characteristics-of-narcissistic-mothers.html

I had not had contact for a very long time and felt guilty knowing that she was probably charming everyone and I was looking like the baddy. I don't think anyone ever knew what went on behind closed doors - threats of suicide, emotional torture, forced to lick urine of the floor - and to outsiders, she was charm personified. My parents divorced, so there was no 'normalisation' in our life. I have now accepted that 'no contact' is the only way to deal with a narcassist and I couldn't have done anything different. That's what you must do for your own sanity.

Anyway, instead of feeling worse since she died, I actually now feel 'free' and can smile freely at people as now I know they cannot be discussing with my mother what an awful person I am (as she always told me they did). I don't now face the constant criticism or judgement and can finally be 'me'.

so don't feel bad about not liking her (that may make you a good judge of character!) and don't feel bad about no contact. Your sister, on the other hand will need alot of support as it sounds like here self-esteen will be detroyed (probably for life).

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Kaye1

When I got married my 'mum' (!!) told me my husband was a parasite, I was no longer part of her family and threw her outfit in the dog basket.

However, it was so ridiculous that I just laughed (and I mean really laughed) and this took all of the wind out of her sails.

We have been together 13 years so shows what she knows eh?

What a knob.

happyhaddock_2

Hi Scottishlassy, many thanks for sharing that. It is the one thing that I am constantly wondering about, how will we feel when the day comes. It's so good to hear that you have coped well with it and have been able to regain a bit of happiness in your life. That website is wonderful as well I've read it all, it was so helpful in getting the 'whole picture'.

Beetlemamma, thanks for sharing that, the money thing struck a chord, as when she has given us anything it was always used as a hold over us, never given unconditionally. I am now very loathe to accept anything as I don't want to be beholden to her, and of course how could she possibly be bad when she gave us all these nice things?

make_me_wise

You cant buy people or pay them off for inflicting abuse on them, look on it that way.

scottish_lassy

A narcissists whole life is a credit and debit column. ie what they have done for everyone else and how little everyone else has done for them.

There must be an instruction manual they all read!!!!

happyhaddock_2

Well my sister has told me today, that my niece is going round to mums on monday and tuesday, and she is going to cook her and her boyfriend a meal next week. To an outsider this may seem an innocent act, and a nice way of nan and grand-daughter spending time together but my sister is livid. We know that mum will be putting on her hurt victim act, making out that my sister is so nasty for not spending time with her, hoping that my niece will join in the criticism of her mum. Even though this week she has told my sister to never get in contact with her again.

So it looks like I may have to speak to my niece sooner rather than later now as my sister is worried about what mum is filling her daughters head with