I don't like my mother!

happyhaddock_2

Meraten that's exactly what we're afraid of. My sister has always tried to shield her from the worst of it, so that she could continue to have a 'normal' relationship with her nan. Unfortunately mum is now jeapordising my sister's relationship with her daughter and that can't be allowed to happen. I've said to my sister that she's going to have to let her daughter know a little bit of what we had to put up with but agree it's a very tricky situation.

Grey lady, THAT is the million dollar question, nobody ever talked about the past, I didnt even know the names of my granparents until recently, how bizarre is that?.

MarilynMonroe_2

crazyguy wrote: »

I agree totaly with this as I have been in a simular postion with family and found the best way to deal with them was to cut them out of my life completely, I can honestly say that for me it was the best thing I have ever done and now I am no longer having to be involved with all the stupid rows and squabbles over nothing.

Remember the saying you can pick your friends but not your family, if they are dragging you down make it clear that under no uncertain terms will you put up with it and that they have two choices either shape up or ship out.

^ Ditto!

I am not sure if we can mention other sites but I will anyway! theres a thread on mumsnet about toxic parents which is worth reading an an eye opener!

Scape_Goat

Hi, I am Happy Haddocks sister! Thank you also for all your replies and we are really glad, that not one of them say, how awful we are to our "poor mother" As my dear sister has said, she wonders whether to cut off all contact with my mum and I am in exactly the same positition, but it is all about guilt and she is so good at making us feel guilty. The last time I spoke to her was Wednesday, after receiving a phone call from her, screaming to never ring or call to see her again, so I haven't! This is the longest I've not spoken to her in nearly 2 years, since my dad died. The way we were both treated as children was unforgivable and now she is old and on her own, she expects and demands that we fuss over and give her all our attention, but she forgets that over the years, she has sometimes not spoken to us for up to a year! Only because she hasn't approved of things we have done. In my case it is always to do with any boyfriend I have had, (very strange) I would love anybodys opinion on that one! In my sisters case it was because she took her mother in law on holiday to Spain, how terrible! As I was a single parent until my beautiful talented daughter was 4, I had to rely on my mum and dad for help, boy do I regret that one! A couple of months ago, mum said to me that she had bought my daughter up! all because I dared to say, I thought I'd been a good mum! I've learnt though through my life never to expect a compliment, as I'd have a long wait! Somebody said in one of the replies about her, having a golden grandchild and it is certainly my daughter and she has tried so hard to do to her, what she has done to me, but motherly love makes me strong and I can actually manage to tell her to shut up, where she's concerned. I am sorry to have gone on so much, but get me started and i could go on forever! Both my sister and I could write a book, a couple of years ago I did actually start one, it was called The Whole Truth. We have both had history re-written and i doubt my own sanity now. At least I can say though, that at least something brilliant has happened, me and my dear sister are back together where we belong and this time, she will never come between us. Thank you for taking the time to read this. Any replies would be greatly appreciated. x

Mojisola

Scape_Goat wrote: »

Somebody said in one of the replies about her, having a golden grandchild and it is certainly my daughter and she has tried so hard to do to her, what she has done to me, but motherly love makes me strong and I can actually manage to tell her to shut up, where she's concerned.

This, for me, would be the line I wouldn't let her cross. As soon as she started her games with my children, all contact would have stopped.

grey_lady

I would suggest you take a look at a book called Toxic Parents, you might find it helpful.

happyhaddock_2

Thanks MM I've read the toxic parents thread on Mumsnet, been doing a lot of reading lately lol.

I forwarded the thread to my sister so she could see the level of support there is and to show that WE have done nothing wrong. Everything we have said is true and has happened and if outsiders can see how utterly unfair and terrible our upbringing and adult lives have been then at least we know it's not us as fault for having these bad thoughts. Thanks so much for this.

I would also add that we are both on medication, I have been on anti-depressants for over 10 years, they've definately keept me sane and my poor sister has had to take so many different drugs, and been in hospital so many times that I've lost count.

Thank you again for all the support and encouragement it really does mean a lot.

happyhaddock_2

Thanks for sharing that Nixer, our mum is the same old, doesn't drive and expects us to be at her beck and call. It's a 30 mile round trip for me to go and see her, which doesn't sound much but I'm on a debt management plan and money is very tight, another thing she doesn't understand. Thank god for internet shopping is all I can say

It's the 'old and on her own' bit that makes us feel so guilty. I said to my sister, in mums head she has done nothing wrong so doesn't understand why we don't want to go and see her or talk to her, SHE is the victim and we are being nasty to her. All these feelings have been kept bottled up by us for years and it's only since dad died, and more recently since my sister and I were re-united that they've really come to a head. We both agree though we can't face another 10 years of this.

Kay_Peel

Scape_Goat wrote: »

Hi, I am Happy Haddocks sister!

What a brilliant User name.

That's what you've been - a scapegoat for your mother's warped perverse personality.

The consoling thing, for me, is that all her attempts to re-write history and make you doubt your sanity ultimately failed to break your spirit. You are very welcome here :A

happyhaddock_2

Kay what a lovely thing to say, my sister will be so touched, thank you.

happyhaddock_2

Oh Nixer, I know EXACTLY how you feel. Give the A/D's time to work and slowly you'll start to feel stronger, they've been a godsend to me. If you still don't feel any better in a few months you must tell your GP as sometimes it takes time to find the right tablet for you. I tried 3 before I ended up on Sertraline and the difference has been amazing, as I say I've been on these 10 years now, just one a day and it keeps me balanced and able to cope.

I'd try and back off a little bit from your mum while you're going through this hard time, you need to think about YOU and what's the worst she can do, easier said than done I know, hence 3 pages of thread lol. Take care and keep posting if it helps x