I don't like my mother!

glasgowdan

Leave her to it, she doesn't contribute to the family so don't let her take from it. Miserable woman.

harrys_nan

I just want to say how sad i feel reading these post's, I had a smashing mum, so I find it so hard to read how some mothers treat the most precious thing ever, your child. I just want to send BIG((( hugs))) to you all. xx

happyhaddock_2

Thanks TT, yes when we were younger it was physical care we didn't get, but as we grew up this also turned into emotional neglect as well as emotional abuse and mind control. This has made it very hard for me to show affection to my own children and other members of the family, we NEVER hugged each other. In fact I'm constantly amazed that I managed to meet my darling OH and have such a stable life.

I think a lot of your suggestions are achievable by me, and perhaps even my sister, who has terrible feelings of guilt and has always gone running back to mum begging her to have a relationship, it's just so sad.

Thanks so much for your reply and for everyone's support and kind words.

happyhaddock_2

Thanks Glasgowdan, and harry's nan x

The thing is GG when she is miserable and nasty it makes it easier, but she's very clever and can make you feel so guilty for even daring to think bad of her, let alone voice those thoughts.

Mrs_P_Pincher

Tough love I'm afraid. She's never going to be the mother and grandmother you want, so set your rules and live by them.

I'm in the reverse situation. I was cut off by my mother because, to use her words "you have ruined my life and shown not one shred of remorse". She now refuses to have anything to do with me, or her grandchildren and has done since 1988.

What had I done? I wish someone could tell me. At the time I was successful in my career and pregnant with DD2.

You can't argue with a sick mind and although I regret it and no longer know whether she is alive or dead, the last 23 years have been easier now I am not trying to please the unpleasable.

Just because we are related to people doesn't mean we have to like them.

Mrs P P

RAS

HH

You may find it useful to record one or two of her less lovely phone calls and to write down, immedaitely afterwards, any further events with her that upset you. Keep these to hand and uase them to remind you why you are limiting contact.

Depending on how your sister is, putting a bit more effort into that relationship may be more fruitful and may provide your children with a better extended family relationship. Expect a few tears and a few times when you both realise just how awful things were or learn to see things from the other side, but it is worth it, she says having just talked to DS a few minutes ago.

Kay_Peel

harrys_nan wrote: »

I just want to say how sad i feel reading these post's, I had a smashing mum, so I find it so hard to read how some mothers treat the most precious thing ever, your child. I just want to send BIG((( hugs))) to you all. xx

I'm feeling exactly the same. I have a lump in my throat and have been very moved by the descriptions of loveless childhoods, neglect and emotional torture. It astonishes me that so many of you have come through it with such strength and dignity. Truly inspirational. Thank you for sharing.

Kaye1

If you are a b***h before you have a baby, there is no magic that suddenly says you have to stop being a b***h!

Agree with loads of posts- I haven't seen/heard from my mum for over a year and it is a blessed relief! I would never allow my daughter to be exposed to her. She is an idiot and I don't regret it for a second.

Ziggazee

I can relate so much to many of the posts on here........I've spent most of my life thinking it was just me. My mother was verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive to me most of my life. When I was 17 she told me to get out of her house and not to return, not for the first time. I was strong enough then to leave.....I did......and I have not spoken a word to her since. She has never met my son and I will never allow her to have a relationship with him. I would never treat my son the way she treat me, the emotional scars run deep to this day. She has managed to cut herself off from my sister and all of her own siblings, and is going to end up a sad lonely old woman.

The way I see it is if she cannot bring anything constructive to your life, and contact with her only causes misery then cut her out. Just because she's your mother does not give her any right to treat you in this way. Your happiness is worth so much more. (((((((big hugs)))))))

happyhaddock_2

Oh gosh, each time I return to this thread there are more replies, and more lovely words of support and encouragement. To the last 3 posters:

Mrs P, how sad for you to have to live your life that way. My mum has in fact just said to my sister that she wants nothing to do with her anymore and my sister is responsible for her feeling so upset and depressed. My sister's 'crime' was not telling mum that she was staying at my house overnight so we could have a good talk. Mum hates us being together as we can 'compare notes'.

Ras, the thing is I don't get the nasty phone calls, she reserves them for my poor sister. She can ring me and be really nice, then ring my sister straight after and rant and rave at her, she treats us completely different. I am glad to say though my eyes are well and truly open now and I'm now protecting and helping my sister and we have a good relationship. This in itself makes me feel guilty though when I think of everything she's been put through.

Kay, thank you so much for those kind words. Your first post really took my breath away as it completely pinpointed how I feel and what we've been through, thank you x