I don't like my mother!

meritaten

happy - Londonsurrey is right - sounds like your mother is either putting in one last ditch effort to 'make you sorry for her and bring you around' OR (and I think this is most likely) she has realised that she cannot manipulate you!
you will now be the 'ungrateful' child! all the love and sacrifices she has made for you have been thrown back in her face! and all because your sister has got you believing her 'lies'! I can almost hear it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I do hope you are a smoker - and have added considerably to the 'Ashes'! and as for the insurance policies - return them to her with a short note hoping that she puts them in a 'safe place'!

happyhaddock_2

Well meritaten you made me smile with that, I've dug out the policies and everything's waiting to go back, but it'll be when I can be bothered!
And yes I can just imagine that is what she is saying, that and how dare I bring all this up

londonsurrey

happyhaddock wrote: »

That is so true LS still a bitter pill to swallow though. I said to my sister she has just used us all our lives, everything has always been on her terms and now we have 'woken up' she doesn't want to know

Of course she doesn't want to know. There's nothing in it for her.
Unfortunately, there was a part of you that was still hoping, hope against hope, that a proper mother would emerge.

Unfortunately, with a NM, that was never on the cards.

I last saw my own NM a year ago, in court. She told the court that what went on between a mother and a daughter was no one else's business (basically that I was hers to do with as she wished). She gave the court an undertaking never to contact me again.

In July last year, she sent me a postcard (she now accepted that I didn't open letters from her) telling me that she was leaving the country FOR GOOD (this bit was underlined) and her phone number and email address. I know she left the country, as my sister was blogging about it, with pictures of my mother with her.

I didn't reply.

At Christmas, she returned and sent me another card telling me that she wanted to see me again.

I didn't reply.

A few weeks ago, she turned up at my house, telling me that she was leaving the country for good (again). I filmed her and told her to leave me alone, as she'd promised the court. She dismissed the court's effectiveness.

She started talking again, saying I was her daughter. That was her point, I was hers. There was no apology, just that I owed her.

I clearly and repeatedly reminded her of her undertaking to the court. She tried talking a few times, but I just repeated the warning. She knew she was being filmed, and left. That's my "Mummy".


I'm waiting for a fake terminal illness or imaginary gold strike next.

meritaten

happy - learn to laugh at her! she is so predictable that if you had known what you know now, years ago - YOU could have played her like a violin!
as it is, she has had her own way for far too long - and it makes ME smile thinking how frustrated she must feel knowing that her goldenchild has turned on her! whats the saying? what goes around comes around? or as my FIL always said 'what you sow you will reap'.
well, she is reaping her harvest now!
It must make her furious that you turned out a nice person and not a clone of her!
There must be some core of intrinsic goodness in you - rather like my BIL who could step back and say 'this is wrong - what she is doing is wrong -and I am NOT going to be like that!'
my BIL atoned (I believe) for being the goldenchild by doing the opposite of what MIL wanted for him. He became a policeman (and got TWO commendations for bravery) and on retiring went into local politics and was much admired for his fight for the underdogs.
He was as far from a narcissist as it is possible to be!
I think my OH was the scapegoat. He always tried to gain her approval and was a 'devoted' son. which she didnt appreciate one bit - always playing him off with his brothers.
I remember one story in which she claimed she kicked him down the stairs when he was a toddler as she thought he was the cat! That was HER story and she stuck to it - though the funny thing was, they never had a cat! probably what she told the hospital as he had broken bones. Yet still my OH strove to gain her love. she always claimed to love her kids - yet I NEVER heard her say the L word to them.
Reminds me - how is Scapegoat? I bet she doesnt know whether to contact your mum or not...........she may find herself in or out of favour - that is a toss up actually. your mum may decide to now make her the goldenchild (mainly not to lose her grandchild) or she may make her the target of her fury at losing you!
whichever - I wouldnt trust her!

happyhaddock_2

London that is such a sad story, thank you for sharing. It is unforgiveable how some people treat their children, in fact i don't think they should have them, not sure where that would leave us though!. I hope she leaves you alone as requested and you find peace.
Meritaten once again you are the voice of reason and the similarities between us are amazing. My sister was also physically attacked by mum, though she will never admit it. Im so glad your b-i-l managed to follow a different path and do what he wanted to do. Thanks for asking about my sister, I've sent her the link to get her to read the comments, so she may post. I'm going to see her phsyciatrist with her in may to see what he thinks. Mums last words to her was that she had been filling my head with rubbish, because obviously i am not capable of thinking this by myself!, and she told sis to stay away from her. So it looks like she's blaming her and has cut me off x

londonsurrey

That's why having a golden child is so important. If you didn't have it, and treated the children equally, they might collude, compare notes and recognise the NM for what she is! Divide and conquer.

I was the obedient golden child. My sister was the one frequently thrown across the room, spinning on the floor.

But when it came down to it, my NM was still happy to not do anything when her second husband made improper advances towards me. She refused to acknowledge it, except for some ten years later, when she wanted me to testify to a religious tribunal, so she could get a divorce in the catholic church.

CKhalvashi

My father’s only ever come crawling when he wants money, and this has been going on for the best part of 10 years.

Yes, as a general family unit, we’ve got money, but it doesn’t mean I’ll let him come crawling when he wants it.

I own the property he lives in, which is on a commercially let basis. He waned to see me for coffee earlier, which I’ll happily buy, he’s family, but I won’t be fooled into rent-free months etc etc etc.

Tough love!

CKhalvashi

londonsurrey wrote: »

That's why having a golden child is so important. If you didn't have it, and treated the children equally, they might collude, compare notes and recognise the NM for what she is! Divide and conquer.

My two (8 and 10) have grown up knowing that they’re collectively responsible for damage to objects/each other. I find that it’s the best way of doing things.

I don’t believe in ‘golden child’, as it’s a theory that simply does not work!

CK

happyhaddock_2

Ls i could've written that post myself and know exactly where you are coming from on all counts. Mum has divided me and my sister all our lives, to stop us comparing notes and talking to each other. We have only been speaking to each other since sept last year! x

londonsurrey

CKhalvashi wrote: »

My two (8 and 10) have grown up knowing that they’re collectively responsible for damage to objects/each other. I find that it’s the best way of doing things.

I don’t believe in ‘golden child’, as it’s a theory that simply does not work!

CK

The golden child method is not done for the benefit of the child. It's used as a method of controlling the child.

So as a method of child rearing, it's abysmal. As a method of control of a resource, it's very effective.