I don't like my mother!

happyhaddock_2

Thanks whitewing yes my sister has previously discussed this with her dr's and has had counselling. She has only just been able to broach the subject with me. If I'm totally honest it's not come as a surprise but obviously having your fears confirmed has a devastating effect and it was still a bombshell, meltdown for me last week!

Lara44

I am so sorry to hear that happy haddock. I am glad your sister has taken some steps to deal with this huge trauma. I hope that she is able to move on now that contact with your mother has been severed. Make sure you also look after yourself, as it is a very shocking and emotional disclosure.

You really made a wise decision to invest in a close relationship with your sister. I hope that things continue to look brighter and better.

happyhaddock_2

Thanks Lara, we are actually in the very early stages of severing contact with mum. Although so far she has responded true to form, not with any concern or wish to put things right , but by feeling sorry for herself and blaming my sister. This just re-inforces my belief that she has always been fully aware of what has happened in the past but just chooses to re write history in the hope that she never has to confront it x

salesaddict

I've been going over in my mind all the people I have known through my life who have suffered abuse at the hands of a parent.

These were girls I went to School with, and neighbours I played with.

So what I mean is, I was a child myself and did not have the where-with-all to know what to do. This was in the mid 70s and there was no such thing as Childline and no openess about abuse. So when I was told in confidence and asked never to tell any one, that's just what I did.

But looking back now I believe that in each case the other parent was complicit in the abuse. They enabled the abuse to continue by not providing the protection and removal of the Child from the clutches of the abuser.

I feel such outrage against people like your parents. I have the utmost respect for you and your Sister for taking steps to break away from your toxic Mother. A child really is a gift and every child deserves happiness and to feel safe and protected. I keep thinking about your sister sitting on the stairs hearing your Mum tell lies and blackening her character to your Father.

I just feel outraged on your behalf for all that you have both suffered.

happyhaddock_2

Oh sales addict, sorry I've only just seen your reply. I cannot believe how succinctly you have summed everything up that happened to us. Yes it was in the 70's and like you say there was no support available at that time, I can actually remember someone coming to the house, from my school, but no further action was taken. My sister and I both say that if all this had happened today we would of been taken into care!

One thing that my sisters petrified of is that her daughter was also subject to the abuse Twice whilst drunk mum has brought the subject up once years ago and dad told her very abruptly to shut up! And once a few weeks ago which resulted in my sister having an argument with her. As you can imagine this is very worrying for my sister x

Molly41

salesaddict wrote: »

I've been going over in my mind all the people I have known through my life who have suffered abuse at the hands of a parent.

These were girls I went to School with, and neighbours I played with.

So what I mean is, I was a child myself and did not have the where-with-all to know what to do. This was in the mid 70s and there was no such thing as Childline and no openess about abuse. So when I was told in confidence and asked never to tell any one, that's just what I did.

But looking back now I believe that in each case the other parent was complicit in the abuse. They enabled the abuse to continue by not providing the protection and removal of the Child from the clutches of the abuser.

I feel such outrage against people like your parents. I have the utmost respect for you and your Sister for taking steps to break away from your toxic Mother. A child really is a gift and every child deserves happiness and to feel safe and protected. I keep thinking about your sister sitting on the stairs hearing your Mum tell lies and blackening her character to your Father.

I just feel outraged on your behalf for all that you have both suffered.

My parents failed to protect me. Only now at the age of 45 am I just beginning to address the damage that was done to me. Now I can hardly bear to speak to my mother and also my father because he just panders to all her whims and sticks his head in the sand.

salesaddict

I am stunned that your Niece may have been abused as well. If this is the case then surely your sister can have no further qualms about cutting ties with your Mother. (I feel like putting Mother in inverted commas).

I referred to other people I know who have suffered abuse. Two brothers I used to play with were both abused by their Grandfather. The younger son told me about this. I suppose we were about 11 at the time. I didn't tell my Mum about this until I was an adult. She then told me that the boys Mother had been abused by their Grandfather, her Father.

Isn't that absolutely horrendous? What I feel very strongly about from things that have happened in my own family is that everything should be out in the open. No more secrets, lies, or bullsh++ing.
I feel a lot happier since I have no more contact with various members of my extended family. Two Aunts who never lose an opportunity to stir up trouble. A friend long ago said to me that if any one causes her more problems than not she cuts them out of her life. I thought it was very harsh at the time. Now I'm older, I think she was right.

My thoughts are with you, your sister and your niece.

happyhaddock_2

Molly I know exactly how you feel, I am 47 and have lived with this all my life. It is a big relief not to have any contact with my mother. I really hope you find the strength to be able to deal with your parents in whatever way helps you. There's no right or wrong its what you feel comfortable with

POPPYOSCAR

salesaddict wrote: »

I am stunned that your Niece may have been abused as well. If this is the case then surely your sister can have no further qualms about cutting ties with your Mother. (I feel like putting Mother in inverted commas).

I referred to other people I know who have suffered abuse. Two brothers I used to play with were both abused by their Grandfather. The younger son told me about this. I suppose we were about 11 at the time. I didn't tell my Mum about this until I was an adult. She then told me that the boys Mother had been abused by their Grandfather, her Father.

Isn't that absolutely horrendous? What I feel very strongly about from things that have happened in my own family is that everything should be out in the open. No more secrets, lies, or bullsh++ing.
I feel a lot happier since I have no more contact with various members of my extended family. Two Aunts who never lose an opportunity to stir up trouble. A friend long ago said to me that if any one causes her more problems than not she cuts them out of her life. I thought it was very harsh at the time. Now I'm older, I think she was right.

My thoughts are with you, your sister and your niece.

Yes, now I am older I feel like that as well.

salesaddict

Molly41 wrote: »

My parents failed to protect me. Only now at the age of 45 am I just beginning to address the damage that was done to me. Now I can hardly bear to speak to my mother and also my father because he just panders to all her whims and sticks his head in the sand.

Molly,

I am so sorry for what you have suffered.
I think the Maya Angelou quote is perfect.

My beloved Mum used to say that even animals protect their young. What is it that goes wrong with Humans that don't?
No single answer to that, I know.

But don't you agree it is such a basic instinct to nurture your children?