I don't like my mother!

shelley_crow

happyhaddock wrote: »

Feeling really down today mum's doing the 'I'm the the victim, feel sorry for me' thing, and yes I am feeling bad. What if I'm wrong?

Don't feel bad for falling for her act, she has had her whole life to practice it to a t!

She may be a lot of things but a victim ain't one of them! Narcissists are very calculating, she wouldn't waste time on this act if she didn't think you would fall for it.

happyhaddock_2

Thanks Tygermoth and Shellercrow. I guess I'm just doubting myself. The last time me and my sister were there she said she was ill and my sister offered to ring her GP and make an appointment, mum said she'll "see how she goes" and never did go to doctors!.

Also you're right tygermoth she is saying things to my sister knowing that she'll tell me. She told my sister that she doesn't wasnt me to call round any more after how I'd spoken to her, but mum hasn't told me that she just presumes my sister will.

devildog

Don't let her get you down

It's a game she has invented without telling you the rules. now after playing the game repeatedly you know the rules and you can beat her
Doubting yourself is understandable and it will take time to become strong but you can (and will) get there.
Tygermoth has given you some good coping strategies for her behaviour regarding illness so call her bluff! Or alternatively deny all knowledge, afterall she hasn't told you herself and your sis isn't going to tell you( ) so how could you possibly know.

Again as Tygermoth has suggested, try and not talk about her with sis it really is so much easier. It just gets you frustrated when you hear what she has been doing/saying and you can do without it.
I have no contact with sis(goldenchild) closest to me in age, however my other sis(also scapegoat to a degree) I am in regular contact with. She has minimal contact with mum but we never discuss her, everything that came out of her mouth was lies(denied by her of course) and it is so much easier not knowing anything Of course, it is naturally hard at first but after a while it is so liberating.

Tygermoth

For a bit of light relief......... Devil Dog reminded me with her comment about games and rules....

I have mangled a quote from the book ‘Good Omens’ to put things in their proper perspective:

Your NM plays an ineffable game of her own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other person, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.

I am having to have a 'mother' time out today (or there will be the prospect of patricide). It was my birthday yesterday.. I had a semi drunk phone call where I was basically told that she should be the ones getting the gifts as she was the one who did all the hard work. Also now i was SO old it was making her feel even older and i should feel sorry for her.


Awwww I love those calls, they are just the best

devildog

lol Tygermoth, mine once told me about a lovely readers's letter in a magazine where a son bought his mum flowers every year on his birthday. Guess she thought she deserved some of that too

happyhaddock_2

Tygermoth that is so true and just sums up what it is like!.

On our recent 25th wedding anniversary mum sulked and didn't even ring to wish us a happy day. She felt that WE should of rung her to thank her once again for her present!

I've still not spoken to her, and can't say I miss it. My sister is still in contact with her and reports that mum is being VERY nice to her. I think it is probably a good thing that I have backed off as mum now has no choice other than to be ok with sis. I can handle mum, sis can't very well.

We are still going to see sis's nurse and get a proffesional opinion, and in due course I will speak to my niece.

I'll continue to update the thread if that's ok

Ps. DD hope my mum doesn't read THAT one lol!

lollyb84

Of course it's OK to keep updating the thread! I know it helps me to know that I'm not alone with a NM.

happyhaddock_2

Thanks lollyb84, feel free to post or have a rant, I find it's very therapeutic lol x

spirit

talking about presents. My NM on one of her very rare visits to my house years ago bought a microwave I had for sale.

She gave me the £15 or so for it and then gave it to my elder sister. In her twisted logic, she said we both had something from her (as presents) I had the money and sis had the microwave.

She didn't understand!

happyhaddock_2

That's priceless spirit!.

It's funny that you say your mum rarely visits, do you think it's just total apathy?. Even when my mum lived 2 minutes round the corner she wouldn't dream of just popping round, not that I'd want her to lol. It was always us who had to go to her, do you think it's a kind of control?.