I don't like my mother!

devildog

LOL I think it is about putting you in your place , as in she will visit if it is deemed that you are 'worthy' enough and/or it is beneath her to make the effort after all she is the most important one and you should grace her with your presence

spirit

happyhaddock wrote: »

That's priceless spirit!.

It's funny that you say your mum rarely visits, do you think it's just total apathy?. Even when my mum lived 2 minutes round the corner she wouldn't dream of just popping round, not that I'd want her to lol. It was always us who had to go to her, do you think it's a kind of control?.

It's because she is supposed to be the centre of attention HH. She lived miles from me (luckily) so I can actually count visits on 1 hand. to be fair, I didn't visit her either, but once I had children of my own, i didn't want them to be near her husband.

She would be jealous though of my mother in law visiting us. MIL was lovely (she's dead now sadly) and would come up at least once a month to see her grandchildren.

the other time mother visited was on her way to a campsite. the kids were at school and due home at 3.30. Mother decided to leave at 3 saying that they needed to get to the site. she would not wait half an hour to see her grandchildren - given that she'd by then only seen them 3 times in their lives.

happyhaddock_2

I hope you don't mind but thought I would update this thread as things have come to a head now and are about to change forever. I have just written to my mum telling her that I am unable to have any contact now and am struggling to come to terms with how we were brought up. She has predictably responded by saying that my sister has been filling my head with rubbish!
I have also written to certain members of the family who I feel may be able to provide some answers as to why we've been treated liked this and am hoping to get some information that can help us. Likewise I have written to my niece just to explain what is happening and why, so that mum can't try to turn her against my sister, or blame her for everything that is now happening.
One of the most distressing things that has come to light is the revelation from my sister that she was abused by our dad, something that she has only just been able to tell me now and what has been the catalyst for finally tackling our situation.
We received such kind support and help before that I wanted to update the thread and will try and let you know what happens. Thank you for reading

POPPYOSCAR

Thinking of you.

Hope you can come to terms with it all in the fullness of time and come out stronger.

Best of luckx

salesaddict

My thoughts are with you and your Sister. Your Mum's jealousy of your Sister makes more sense to me now. I hope I am not speaking out of turn when I say in her sick mind she will have looked on your sister as a 'rival'.
I really wish you both as much of a recovery as possible from the trauma that has been inflicted on you all your lives.
I am so glad you have both been such good Mothers to your own children.

spirit

happyhaddock wrote: »

I hope you don't mind but thought I would update this thread as things have come to a head now and are about to change forever. I have just written to my mum telling her that I am unable to have any contact now and am struggling to come to terms with how we were brought up. She has predictably responded by saying that my sister has been filling my head with rubbish!
I have also written to certain members of the family who I feel may be able to provide some answers as to why we've been treated liked this and am hoping to get some information that can help us. Likewise I have written to my niece just to explain what is happening and why, so that mum can't try to turn her against my sister, or blame her for everything that is now happening.
One of the most distressing things that has come to light is the revelation from my sister that she was abused by our dad, something that she has only just been able to tell me now and what has been the catalyst for finally tackling our situation.
We received such kind support and help before that I wanted to update the thread and will try and let you know what happens. Thank you for reading

Are you sure that you are not me I too wrote everything down in a letter to my mother just about a year ago now. Mine hasn't responded at all (licking her wounds no doubt). I've since moved house and haven't given her the address.

i don't know whether you will get the answers you want from your other family members or not. some people just don't like to get involved I found.

however, this is the start of your new found freedom - enjoy it now.

ani_26

happyhaddock wrote: »

I have also written to certain members of the family who I feel may be able to provide some answers as to why we've been treated liked this and am hoping to get some information that can help us.

It wasn't until after my mum's death, i was told she had been abused by her mum. She obviously wasn't strong enough to break the cycle. In my opinion, there's no excuse for abuse, at all.

I " cut " my mum from my life some years before she died. I have no regrets, only maybe i should have done it sooner. I don't think it means i didn't love her, maybe it was just the ideal of having a mum and what you want them to be, and what you want a family to be.

I still went to the hospital when i received a phone call she was dying. And the memory of the moment i told her i loved her and the (as ever,) frozen glare i received in return, will stay with me forever. I don't ever remember her, once, telling me she loved me, despite the fact she continously asked me if i loved her.

Maybe things were kept behind closed doors, decades ago.


Ugh. This post was too emotional

scottish_lassy

I still went to the hospital when i received a phone call she was dying. And the memory of the moment i told her i loved her and the (as ever,) frozen glare i received in return, will stay with me forever. [/QUOTE]


This made me gasp - when I was called to the hospital, I made up my mind not to see her as I knew the exact same would happen - it's her way of getting the last word without even saying anything!! The NM 'look' can say more than words. What an awful last memory BUT you were still the better person.

happyhaddock_2

Once again I am overwhelmed by the level of support and non judgemental responses on here. Thank you all so much for your kind words and insight to what is obviously a far more common problem than people know. I am so sorry for others who have also had to endure this kind of relationship but thank you for sharing with us.
Sales addict what you wrote rang alarm bells with me and my sister has actually said this as well. I will get her to read all the comments and see if she wants to post.
Thanks again you are all truly wonderful

whitewing

HH, what a shock for you. It's horrible when such secrets come to light. I hope you and your sister get a lot of support to deal with it. Has your sister discussed it in counselling yet or are you the first person she has told?

I hope this year is a healing year for you both.