Awkward situation - don't think I can say No.

Beetlemama

We are the parents that own every single thing DS has ever had for his whole entire life, I have every sock, every shoe and every toy stored safely in the attic - he's 9 next month. I don't care, he's my baby and we are only having one and we want him to be able to keep the things he wants when he's old enough to care. Neither one of us has anything from our childhood and we both lost things we loved My mother had one baby dress that belonged to my sister and nothing that belonged to me.

I'd sit down with her and say Look Girl (probably use her name there), I'd love to lend you our baby things but I have been up at night crying about it and it's just worrying me sick, I am sorry I said you could borrow them, I don't think I realised how much I just needed them in the house with me, they're my connection to my future babies and I don't want to lend them out, I know you'll understand because you're my sister and you love me and I wanted to be completely honest with you because you are my sister and I love you.

xxx

mummyroysof3

im not sentimental and have pretty much kept nothing..havent the room really now we have 3 kids. some stuff got given to people some sold and some to charity. If you dont want to lend the stuff then dont but surely at least some of it could be lent?

CH27

I feel quite in the minority reading this thread.

My baby stuff was lent far & wide.
I have photos of my son & friend's babies in my son's pram & it's a lovely link to have.

Memories, love, time & helping friends is what is important to me not stuff.


I have kept son's first shoes & coming home outfit.

mrcow

What if you never use the stuff again? You're planning another baby, but things don't always go to plan. It's just stuff. Stuff that could and would be replaced. You can keep anything highly sentimental, but really you don' need a loft full of it.

If either of my lovely sisters asked for anything of mine, they would have it in a heart beat.

Collect memories, not possessions.

Mojisola

People are different. Because some people aren't sentimental about baby stuff and would happily give it away doesn't mean that everyone has to do that.

Do what feels right for you. If you don't want to let your baby stuff go, keep it.

Talk it through with your sister and offer your time to help her shop - new or second-hand - for her baby.

Lotus-eater

Your sister sounds lovely and is doing the sensible thing, wanting to use 2nd hand stuff for her new little one. Wouldn't it feel nice to help her out?

We also lent our baby stuff everywhere, felt good to be helping new parents. When we had both of ours, we got help from lots of places and we sent that stuff on to others after we had finished with it.

The baby walker I learned to walk with, also served my 2 siblings, my DD, my friends DS, now my DS.

euronorris

mrcow wrote: »

What if you never use the stuff again? You're planning another baby, but things don't always go to plan. It's just stuff. Stuff that could and would be replaced. You can keep anything highly sentimental, but really you don' need a loft full of it.

If either of my lovely sisters asked for anything of mine, they would have it in a heart beat.

Collect memories, not possessions.

Playing devil's advocate, what would happen if it was lent to the sister and then the OP fell pregnant sooner than expected and needed the stuff herself?

I don't think there's any issues with it being lent, but I think it's a good idea for them to discuss the what if's. ie, what if I fall pregnant quicker and need the stuff back, what if something breaks or is ruined.

I know that sounds silly, but I once lent a pair of my favourite shoes to a (now ex) friend of mine. She begged, and begged me to borrow them, promised to look after them and so I reluctantly gave in. I never saw them again. She lost them, and then insisted that they were in poor condition already so she shouldn't have to replace them!! :eek: That (among other things) ruined the friendship, so I always have a quick discussion about things before I loan them now (unless it's an inexpensive item, or one I don't really care much about).

teasleym

Hi OP, I know where you are coming from. I have 2 children and am not planning on any more, but I AM planning on selling on the baby stuff as we are short of money at the moment, and we have kept everything in really good condition. A friend of mine is expecting and although she already has 1 child, she seems to have got rid of most of the stuff she had, so we are getting requests to lend all sorts of things.

I have lent maternity clothes, moses basket, and a few other small bits, but we've had requests for sterilisers, car seat isofix, and you wonder where it will end. I have had to point out that other items that we have (like crib, jumperoo) are going to be sold as I just don't want to lend them out, as at the moment they are still in pretty good condition and I wonder what they would be like when I got them back and I really need to sell them on.

Also there are some items with "sentimental" value that I just couldn't lend out. Strangely enough my maternity dungarees fell into this, I just couldn't bear to lend them after I wore them non stop for the last 3 months and they are mine, mine, mine!!!!!

gravitytolls

neverdespairgirl wrote: »

Why? No big deal for me.

Me either, but each to their own. My MIL called me Second Hand Rose ~ my name's not Rose, though my mum's is, but it was a song and she thought it suited me ~ so to lend/give away our baby things was fine, as someone had had them before me anyway.

But I did keep the beautiful little things my darling nanny and grandad bought, and will till the day I die ~ or until I give them to my babies for their babies, assuming they want them. I wouldn't lend the christening gown to any Tom !!!!!! or sister, because my grandad bought it for me, and I know I'd be devastated if it ended up with someone elses baby sick on it.

Anyhoo, after all the waffle, it's for noone else to suggest it's no big deal to someone for whom it is a big deal, we're all different, we all know how we feel and we all need to respect one another's feelings, even if we don't 'get it'.

mrs_marty

If I felt like that then the answer would a very carefully and thoughtfully worded no.

They technically just things, however it's the association of those very precious times.

If there is nothing you can bare to pass on then just tell her nicely.

The other thing to consider is, what if after having her little one she falls pregnant straight away, she will need your stuff all the more as 1. she is still using it 2. may not have the money to go out and buy everything she needs as she 9 months ago just had the first (reduced pay) You may not get your baby things back in anytime scale which suits your own personal plans and in a usable condition.

Your sister may have not realised the attachment you form to these kinds of things, as from your OP you said fast cars etc, all of that kind of living could be classed as throw away easy to replace. Hence she has never thought about how precious the baby items may be.

Mind what a compliment that your sister likes everything you have bought your own LO, enough that she would like to use it al.